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Girl Sends Sext, Gets Kicked Out of School. Lacrosse Players Share Sext, Get Off Scot Free

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:38 PM
  • 114 Replies

A 16-year-old student says she was forced to withdraw from her prestigious Catholic prep school after texting a topless photo to two of the school's star athletes, who shared it with the entire lacrosse team but received no punishment. Instead of using the incident as a teachable moment for both male and female students about trust and social media, the administration sent a clear message: girls are ungodly creatures who tempt boys into sin.

Last month, 16-year-old Alexis texted a topless photo of herself to her good friend Jason.* Jason and Alexis had known each other since middle school, and had recently become even closer since Alexis was the manager of Jason's lacrosse team at Paul VI Catholic High School, a Fairfax, Virginia school well-known for its stellar athletics.

"Basically everyone" at Paul VI sexts, Alexis said, but she didn't e-flash Jason because she had a crush on him; it was a dare. "We were texting about this girl that used to be in love with him and how she sends him photos, and he said I would never do that," Alexis recalled. "He kept saying I wouldn't, so I said, 'watch me.' It was just a joke." The duo group-texted the photo to Peter, another close friend on the lacrosse team, but Alexis trusted that it wouldn't go any further. She was wrong.

Soon, Alexis heard rumors that one of the boys had sent her photo to the entire team in a group message. Her friends denied everything, so she didn't worry about it too much. But then, about a week later, her mother, Carol, received an email from a parent of a kid on the lacrosse team confirming the stories; apparently, the boys had been giggling over the photo together in gym class. The next day, Patrick McGroarty, the Dean of Students, called Alexis into his office.

According to Carol and Alexis, McGroarty told Alexis her behavior was "outrageous," especially because she wasn't dating either of the boys. Alexis was suspended for the day and told she would have a school counsel the next week to determine her future. While Alexis sat there being berated, she heard Jason and Peter called into the Athletic Director's office. "That's what my school does," she said. "They only care about sports."

"What upsets me is that Alexis was worried about covering for these boys, since they're star athletes," Carol said. "She knew if they got in trouble people would get mad at her."

The next week, Alexis, her parents, a handful of teachers, McGroarty and the principal, Virginia Colwell, had a meeting in which Alexis was asked if she knew what pornography was and whether she felt she had "harassed" Jason and Peter. Alexis said she found the questions complicated and was criticized for not answering them correctly, including one about "what justice" she felt the boys should receive; Alexis and her parents assumed the administration was referring to Jason and Peter's punishment, but they actually "wanted to know what I should do to make them feel better if they were distraught," Alexis said.

At the end of the meeting, the board unanimously decided that Alexis should withdraw from Paul VI. Jason and Peter — who, Alexis says, have already verbally committed to D-1 universities for lacrosse — were not punished in the slightest. "Their minds were clearly already made up," Carol said. "When I said this reaction was outrageous, the principal said, 'No, what's outrageous is that your daughter sent an unsolicited photo to these two boys.'"

McGroarty told Jezebel that the school was unable to comment on any incidents involving current or former Paul VI students.

Alexis said she's seen Jason since then, at a mutual friend's party — he avoided her and said "I don't have time for this" when she cornered him. "It sucks you got expelled," he said, "but what happened to you was your fault. you did this to yourself."

In a letter to superintendent Sr. Bernadette McManigal, Carol asked the district to reconsider their decision:

Perhaps the biggest problem I have is that there was no compassion shown to my daughter. She was never counseled by Father Kelly, or even asked her side of the story. Why weren’t the children brought in all together and asked what happened? Why were the boys called to the AD’s office with their coach while my daughter was in with the Dean of Students? Why did the AD tell the boys that Alexis wouldn’t be in trouble? Why didn’t the Dean of Students believe Alexis when she said that the boys were the ones who sent the photo to everyone?

"...in a Catholic school where we should be embracing our children and helping through situations like this, we choose to get rid of the problem instead," she wrote.

Teenage girls are systematically shamed for sexting, even though studies show that boys are just as likely to share x-rated photos. However, young men are almost twice as likely to share those photos, as well as more likely to receive forwarded sexts. Instead of harshly punishing girls who feel pressure to send sexy photos of themselves — or even instead of punishing the recipients — why don't schools teach both sexters and sextees why it's poor judgement to send and share private information? It's similar to the abstinence vs. safe sex debate: kids are definitely going to do it, so we need to teach them how to be safe.

Today is the first day back from spring break for Paul VI students. Alexis is at home, waiting for her local public school to allow her to enroll; since she abruptly withdrew midyear, the school wants to learn more from Paul VI about what happened. Jason and Peter, of course, are on campus, hanging out with their buddies.

"If they hadn't shared the photo, I would be at school with my friends right now," Alexis said. "But I'm not. I'm sitting at home while they're there."

*Some names have been changed.

by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jessilin0113
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Tag3.0
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:43 PM

Im sorry, but the girl was wrong. The boy may have shared it but this would have been the same outcome if the roles were switched. The school is basically saying her actions to match up with the morals and values of the catholic school. The boy who shared the pictures with his friends should have been suspended for his actions.

coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:55 PM
DH's cousin sends her boys to this school! While I think the boys deserve punishment too, why do girls feel the need to do this? (And I say girls because it seems as if girls do it more than boys...or just get caught more often.)
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Tag3.0
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:59 PM
2 moms liked this

 


Quoting coolmommy2x:

DH's cousin sends her boys to this school! While I think the boys deserve punishment too, why do girls feel the need to do this? (And I say girls because it seems as if girls do it more than boys...or just get caught more often.)

Girls have always had more self esteem problems than boys. It is that inherent need to please others when they cant please themselves. Its horrible. The boys will be boys mentality just makes it worse. Boys are expected to be pigs.

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this
Boys will be boys and girls will be sluts
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jllcali
by Jane on Apr. 12, 2013 at 8:39 AM
7 moms liked this
The boys who shared the picture should have been expelled as well. This is a clear cut case of discrimination. She made a foolish decision, but so did the boys who shared the picture.
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mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I cannot tell you guys how many times I have been asked to send a picture of my boobs to whomever. 

Had phones been able to take pictures when I was in school, maybe I would have. I was a dumb kid. There is no reason why she should be expelled and these boys get off scott free. It's a really stupid double standard. 

Also, I don't think she should have been expelled for this in the first place. But alas, the Catholics will be catholics. 

Billiejeens
by Gold Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 

That is what the country wants, just look at the lack of any morals of the majority of moms on Cafemom.

Quoting AdrianneHill:

Boys will be boys and girls will be sluts


 

candlegal
by Judy on Apr. 12, 2013 at 8:53 AM
3 moms liked this

She sends out a topless picture of herself, unsolicited.  If she thought that was ok, her parents really need to speak to her about that.  What did she think would happen?

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 9:02 AM
6 moms liked this
The boys had no morality or honor. The country has not changed at all when it comes to laying the blame for the bad behavior of multiple people squarely on the shoulders of the female. That has been happening since biblical times. Men wouldn't sin at all if women weren't there to lead them astray. Of course boys will ask for naked pictures and then deny ever wanting them in the first place. That is what boys do apparently and asking them to be responsibly for their own part in that would be unfair to then and their futures. Every girl is not only responsible for her own mistakes but she is responsible for the actions and thoughts of the males around her because we can't expect anything more from them than what we would expect from oversexed rapists in training. All men default to pig status unless a women is there to make them be good.

This is nothing to be blamed on Obama or Clinton, the thought process has been present and cherished ever since people realized how easy it was to call women stupid and worthless in one hand but still capable of bringing about the downfall of humanity on the other.

Quoting Billiejeens: 
That is what the country wants, just look at the lack of any morals of the majority of moms on Cafemom.
Quoting AdrianneHill:Boys will be boys and girls will be sluts

 
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