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I am DISGUSTED with this church. Update in Black update 2 in blue

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A couple of detectives came and talked to Amy's parents. They said they were dropping charges due to victors age and the fact that no physical harm was caused. So I guess the ass whoopin was the only punishment he received...

Later one of the girls in the group started pressuring Amy to go back to the church. R. has a crush who goes there and she didn't want to attend alone. And the other girls didin't want to miss out on the beach trip. A secret plan was made for everyone to go back except my DD because "we all know her mom would never let her go." Damn straight! All of the girls except dd did go back a few times.

I was also messaged on FB by a couple of members. They said they missed seeing my kids in church. After I explained why they were never going back, I was told that I wasn't being fair. The church had nothing to do with the incident happening, they were only responsible for the poor boy's salvation. Then I was asked nicely to stop trying to persuade the other girls from attending. I took a lot of self control but I managed to end the conversation without making and terrorist threats...

Victor's step dad came to Amy's house yesterday. Her step dad and his are friends from way back. Victor's dad asked, "So, did he get it in there?" A-Dad, "No." V-Dad "Well then what's the big deal?" "We can just drop this shit now." A-dad "No we can't drop this shit!" "He tried to Rape my daughter." "Get the fuck outta here!"     Later Victors mom shows up and talks to Amy and her mom. V-mom "Look I know what he did was wrong." "If you drop the charges I'll beat his ass right here in front of you." A-mom "Do you really think a spanking is going to fix this?"

As some of you know, I've been having problems with this church for some time. I've allowed my daughter to go only because she begged me and her friends are there. But last night was the last straw...

It started a couple days ago. DD and a few friends (all 13)were hanging out in front. When I came out I noticed one of the girls Amy was crying and the side of her face was pink and puffy. No one would tell me what happened. After she left I got the story.

Victor *Quick background* He's a bad boy from the neighborhood. He's rude and disruptive, swears, gets high in the bathrooms, verbally abuses other kids including my dd and has a habit of horse playing to the point of pain, all while in bible study! I've asked numerous times for him to be expelled but I was told Church was a place for sinners. He needs to be there.

Amy said after church on Sunday she was walking to her friends house when she ran into Victor. He asked her for money, she said no so her hit her in the face. Then him and 4 of his friends made her come to his house. Once inside they dragged her to a bedroom. While a boy held the door shut from the outside
 the other ones groped her. Victor climbed on top of her and pulled down his pants then tried to unbutton hers. He felt her up and said she couldn't leave until she sucked all of them. Then he said they should just murder her so she wouldn't tell. She fought and cried the whole time and was finally let go.

Amy was afraid and refused to tell her mom. (The families are friends) But I convinced her to talk to the pastor on Wednesday. Yesterday we all went down to the church. She told him everything, he called the police and her mom and a report was made. After, I was told that Victor would be expelled from church NEVER allowed back.

8 oclock that night, I'm on my way to pick dd up when I see Amy sprinting towards me from the church parking lot. Guess who showed up for bible study? Victor. The moment he walked into the room the teacher gave him a big hug and said we're soo glad to have you back! Here sweetie, have a candy. Then she proceeded to sit him right next to Amy. Amy bolted from the room and threw up in the bathroom. She waited in the hall for the other girls until after church was over.

To top it off, the pastor and his wife came and talked to her. Pastor said he strongly recommends she not press charges. The church can handle the investigation. And she better be certain of the events because if she's lying, she'll be the one in Juvie. And really, is it worth ruining this poor boys life over an argument? (They got the boys side of the story and were going with that)

I was LIVID!!! I marched up to the church and saw the pastors wife. She smiled sweetly at me and asked what the problem was. I responded, I don't like the fact that you allowed attempted rapists at your church, that's what. The crowd went silent. She gave me a sour look and said that's something that needs to be kept private.

The pastor walked up and took me aside and gave me his explanation. You see, it was her word against 5 boys. No one really knows what happened in that room if anything. Church is a place for salvation. She was given a choice to leave when Victor showed up. And really, you have to wonder why she chose to stay, hmmm? I told him that he disgusted me, his entire church disgusted me and my children would NEVER set foot on these grounds again. I turned, left and never looked back.

Update: Last night she got a call from Victor. The police were arresting one of other the boys. He begged her to recant. He didn't want to go to jail. He was sorry. Amy hung up and blocked his number.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Replies (161-170):
celestegood
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:28 AM
Wow. Glad they got him! Poor girl.
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cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this

OK, I just read your update. Amy's parents need to stop communicating with the parents of those boys. If they show up on their doorstep, they need to be told to leave immediately or the police will be called to remove them. This is witness intimidation, plain and simple, and it can be used against them in court. Are they that freaking stupid that they don't get it? Maybe if they'd stepped up earlier and parented their delinquent teenager he wouldn't be trying to rape young girls in the neighborhood. 

MamaSusieQ045
by Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:45 AM
That just makes me physically ill. That poor little girl :-(
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SpiritedWitch
by Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 9:07 AM

I wish I could say I was surprised but sadly I am not. It sounds like many of the stories I have read about school rapes and attempted rapes. 

Since she is your daughter's friend, tell her to be there for her. I have a feeling Amy is going to need all the friends she can get. 

mommajen32
by Platinum Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Quoting Themis_Defleo:

In the church I was raised in, the pastor and elders mediated conflicts between the members.  If we had a problem with another member, we were instructed to try to resolve it ourselves, and if that was impossible, to bring it to an elder.  I don't know if there is a scriptural basis (but I believe there is somewhere within Paul's letters....), but the church's role is/was to confront another member with his sin, and if he would not repent, to "spit him out."

A troublemaker in the midst of a congregation takes the focus away from spiritual things and disrupts worship. 

Since both the girl and the boy are members of the same fellowship, even though the conflict took place away from church property, the discord prevents the church from being a "safe" place for them both.  Obviously, the church has chosen to side with the aggressor.  I find that very sad.

Quoting 12hellokitty:


In your OP you said the boy hit her in the face after church when she was walking home with a friend.  That's not at church.  If these incidents didn't happen at church then why would you expect them to do what the parents should be doing?  This is the problem when people uses church as childcare.....



Quoting paganbaby:

No, the assault did. The sexual inncident happened after church.

The reason I didn't go to the police was one, Amy told the girls she didn't want anyone to know and if I had, I was afriad of her recanting once the police showed up. Two, I don't know her parents or where they live. And three, I figured the church would be better able to draw her out, handle the situation and remove the threat of Victor at church once and for all. At the the time it seemed like a good plan. I tried.

Quoting 12hellokitty:

Not following, did the sexual incident happen at church?  If not why didn't you contact the police on your own, since you are the person Amy confided in? 





Matthew 18:15-17 New International Version (NIV) Dealing With Sin in the Church 15 “If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[c] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. This is the basis of how we handle issues in our Youth Program ...I've set this as the standard. I serve as the mediator to cut through conflict. We had a situation where a girl said a boy exposed himself in the park but her friend saw it and she didn't (when the story came out ...but then she recanted and it didn't happen). BUT I had two men speak with the young boy and i spoke with the young ladies. If it had happened I would have encourage charges to be pressed. I also stressed to all the girls that saying a boy has had sexual misconduct is serious and nothing to play with.
paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:48 PM

No, it's in the OP. On top in black.

Quoting cjsbmom:

Where is it? I hope it's not buried in all of these responses. 

Quoting DestinyRoseLC:

Read update, im appalled.



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Goodwoman614
by Satan on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:02 PM

And this is the same church that gave you shit for wanting your daughter to be able to check in with you once a day, while away at church camp.

DestinyRoseLC
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 2:35 PM
On the very top in black of the op

Quoting cjsbmom:

Where is it? I hope it's not buried in all of these responses. 

Quoting DestinyRoseLC:

Read update, im appalled.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
talia-mom
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 2:36 PM

Maybe parents should attend church with their kids.

Anagalia022
by on May. 21, 2013 at 1:50 AM

This is the very reason why I walked out of church.  I went to a Mega Church. I was a Singer there. While I am singing. I see a big man sitting my 7 year old son down in the back row of the congregation. Now this is a very big Church. I had a panic attack. I was afraid for my son's safety. I go find out why this man took him out of the Children Church. My son told there was a boy in his class that just punched him in the face with his fist. Then my son took up for him self. Instead of the little boy being escorted to the Congregation to the back row that started the fight by punching my son in his face. He get's to stay in the Children Class. I was so mad. I walked out of that Church never went back. Now my son is 16 years old. He still says I hope we never go back to that weird Church. 

Quoting Aamy:

Wow. And this is why I don't like churches. Glad you helped her. Hope she presses charges on all of the boys.

Quoting paganbaby:

As some of you know, I've been having problems with this church for some time. I've allowed my daughter to go only because she begged me and her friends are there. But last night was the last straw...

It started a couple days ago. DD and a few friends (all 13)were hanging out in front. When I came out I noticed one of the girls Amy was crying and the side of her face was pink and puffy. No one would tell me what happened. After she left I got the story.

Victor *Quick background* He's a bad boy from the neighborhood. He's rude and disruptive, swears, gets high in the bathrooms, verbally abuses other kids including my dd and has a habit of horse playing to the point of pain, all while in bible study! I've asked numerous times for him to be expelled but I was told Church was a place for sinners. He needs to be there.

Amy said after church on Sunday she was walking to her friends house when she ran into Victor. He asked her for money, she said no so her hit her in the face. Then him and 4 of his friends made her come to his house. Once inside they dragged her to a bedroom. While a boy held the door shut from the outside
 the other ones groped her. Victor climbed on top of her and pulled down his pants then tried to unbutton hers. He felt her up and said she couldn't leave until she sucked all of them. Then he said they should just murder her so she wouldn't tell. She fought and cried the whole time and was finally let go.

Amy was afraid and refused to tell her mom. (The families are friends) But I convinced her to talk to the pastor on Wednesday. Yesterday we all went down to the church. She told him everything, he called the police and her mom and a report was made. After, I was told that Victor would be expelled from church NEVER allowed back.

8 oclock that night, I'm on my way to pick dd up when I see Amy sprinting towards me from the church parking lot. Guess who showed up for bible study? Victor. The moment he walked into the room the teacher gave him a big hug and said we're soo glad to have you back! Here sweetie, have a candy. Then she proceeded to sit him right next to Amy. Amy bolted from the room and threw up in the bathroom. She waited in the hall for the other girls until after church was over.

To top it off, the pastor and his wife came and talked to her. Pastor said he strongly recommends she not press charges. The church can handle the investigation. And she better be certain of the events because if she's lying, she'll be the one in Juvie. And really, is it worth ruining this poor boys life over an argument? (They got the boys side of the story and were going with that)

I was LIVID!!! I marched up to the church and saw the pastors wife. She smiled sweetly at me and asked what the problem was. I responded, I don't like the fact that you allowed attempted rapists at your church, that's what. The crowd went silent. She gave me a sour look and said that's something that needs to be kept private.

The pastor walked up and took me aside and gave me his explanation. You see, it was her word against 5 boys. No one really knows what happened in that room if anything. Church is a place for salvation. She was given a choice to leave when Victor showed up. And really, you have to wonder why she chose to stay, hmmm? I told him that he disgusted me, his entire church disgusted me and my children would NEVER set foot on these grounds again. I turned, left and never looked back.

Update: Last night she got a call from Victor. The police were arresting one of other the boys. He begged her to recant. He didn't want to go to jail. He was sorry. Amy hung up and blocked his number.


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