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I am DISGUSTED with this church. Update in Black update 2 in blue

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A couple of detectives came and talked to Amy's parents. They said they were dropping charges due to victors age and the fact that no physical harm was caused. So I guess the ass whoopin was the only punishment he received...

Later one of the girls in the group started pressuring Amy to go back to the church. R. has a crush who goes there and she didn't want to attend alone. And the other girls didin't want to miss out on the beach trip. A secret plan was made for everyone to go back except my DD because "we all know her mom would never let her go." Damn straight! All of the girls except dd did go back a few times.

I was also messaged on FB by a couple of members. They said they missed seeing my kids in church. After I explained why they were never going back, I was told that I wasn't being fair. The church had nothing to do with the incident happening, they were only responsible for the poor boy's salvation. Then I was asked nicely to stop trying to persuade the other girls from attending. I took a lot of self control but I managed to end the conversation without making and terrorist threats...

Victor's step dad came to Amy's house yesterday. Her step dad and his are friends from way back. Victor's dad asked, "So, did he get it in there?" A-Dad, "No." V-Dad "Well then what's the big deal?" "We can just drop this shit now." A-dad "No we can't drop this shit!" "He tried to Rape my daughter." "Get the fuck outta here!"     Later Victors mom shows up and talks to Amy and her mom. V-mom "Look I know what he did was wrong." "If you drop the charges I'll beat his ass right here in front of you." A-mom "Do you really think a spanking is going to fix this?"

As some of you know, I've been having problems with this church for some time. I've allowed my daughter to go only because she begged me and her friends are there. But last night was the last straw...

It started a couple days ago. DD and a few friends (all 13)were hanging out in front. When I came out I noticed one of the girls Amy was crying and the side of her face was pink and puffy. No one would tell me what happened. After she left I got the story.

Victor *Quick background* He's a bad boy from the neighborhood. He's rude and disruptive, swears, gets high in the bathrooms, verbally abuses other kids including my dd and has a habit of horse playing to the point of pain, all while in bible study! I've asked numerous times for him to be expelled but I was told Church was a place for sinners. He needs to be there.

Amy said after church on Sunday she was walking to her friends house when she ran into Victor. He asked her for money, she said no so her hit her in the face. Then him and 4 of his friends made her come to his house. Once inside they dragged her to a bedroom. While a boy held the door shut from the outside
 the other ones groped her. Victor climbed on top of her and pulled down his pants then tried to unbutton hers. He felt her up and said she couldn't leave until she sucked all of them. Then he said they should just murder her so she wouldn't tell. She fought and cried the whole time and was finally let go.

Amy was afraid and refused to tell her mom. (The families are friends) But I convinced her to talk to the pastor on Wednesday. Yesterday we all went down to the church. She told him everything, he called the police and her mom and a report was made. After, I was told that Victor would be expelled from church NEVER allowed back.

8 oclock that night, I'm on my way to pick dd up when I see Amy sprinting towards me from the church parking lot. Guess who showed up for bible study? Victor. The moment he walked into the room the teacher gave him a big hug and said we're soo glad to have you back! Here sweetie, have a candy. Then she proceeded to sit him right next to Amy. Amy bolted from the room and threw up in the bathroom. She waited in the hall for the other girls until after church was over.

To top it off, the pastor and his wife came and talked to her. Pastor said he strongly recommends she not press charges. The church can handle the investigation. And she better be certain of the events because if she's lying, she'll be the one in Juvie. And really, is it worth ruining this poor boys life over an argument? (They got the boys side of the story and were going with that)

I was LIVID!!! I marched up to the church and saw the pastors wife. She smiled sweetly at me and asked what the problem was. I responded, I don't like the fact that you allowed attempted rapists at your church, that's what. The crowd went silent. She gave me a sour look and said that's something that needs to be kept private.

The pastor walked up and took me aside and gave me his explanation. You see, it was her word against 5 boys. No one really knows what happened in that room if anything. Church is a place for salvation. She was given a choice to leave when Victor showed up. And really, you have to wonder why she chose to stay, hmmm? I told him that he disgusted me, his entire church disgusted me and my children would NEVER set foot on these grounds again. I turned, left and never looked back.

Update: Last night she got a call from Victor. The police were arresting one of other the boys. He begged her to recant. He didn't want to go to jail. He was sorry. Amy hung up and blocked his number.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Replies (21-30):
survivorinohio
by René on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:14 PM
Quoting jhslove:

Do you realize that churches are mandated reporters, just like public schools? I work for a church, although not a Christian one, and if I had reason to believe that a child had been sexually abused and failed to report it to the proper authorities, I would be breaking the law and open to prosecution. If I actually tried to intimidate the child out of going to the police, as it appears the pastor did, I and the church would be open to a whole world of trouble. It doesn't matter if she recants later or not. If at any point a church staff member believes a child has been abused, and does not report it to the police, he or she is breaking the law.

Were there any other witnesses to any of these conversations? I strongly suggest that the parents look into legal action against the church--what they did was not only wrong but illegal. And if I were you, I'd probably be writing an op-ed in the paper to get as many people as possible clued in as to what's going on there.

I agree with this 100%

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:16 PM

It's a Nazarene Church.

Another reason I gave her for telling was that she may be the first but she won't be the last. The next girl might be so lucky. They need to be stopped now.

And what is up with that?! I never understood this protecting the boys mentality. Even if she was lying, he should have suspended from church until the police finished their investigation. Hell, he should have been kicked out for his past behaviors alone!

Quoting meriana:

What, pray tell, church is THAT? Good for you for helping and sticking up for Amy and good for Amy for telling and hopefully she'll press charges against the boys. Their behavior is criminal and won't get better if they are not stopped. As for the church...I have no words. I understand forgiveness but they were actually condoning the boys actions and the lying which is definitely NOT ok. I wouldn't go back either and I'd encourage the girls to find another church to attend, one where they are safe, one where such behavior (that of the boys) is neither tolerated or accepted.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:19 PM
I was going to recommend that you invite Amy to the new one.

I'd be blogging all over about that church! Put that pastors name on blast.


Quoting paganbaby:

We are. DD and I are looking at other churches as we speak. Amy said she'll go where ever dd attends.

Quoting CheesyKitty:

Holy cow that's crazy.Stick to your guns, if your kids miss thd spiritual aspects of church you can always find another.


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whitleypittman
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Wow! My church punished the whole youth group for one boy's inappropriate joke. This one, though? They seem to be REWARDING the boys for their behavior.

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:22 PM
A friend if mine's 6 yo was raped (forced oral penetration) in a closet by a teenager at church while the kids played hide and seek. The parents reported it to the police immediately.
Guess which side the church took?
Girl is in therapy boy got probation
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JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:23 PM
Perhaps in your State they are mandated reporters, that's not everywhere. Not in my State. (New York)

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Quoting jhslove:

Do you realize that churches are mandated reporters, just like public schools? I work for a church, although not a Christian one, and if I had reason to believe that a child had been sexually abused and failed to report it to the proper authorities, I would be breaking the law and open to prosecution. If I actually tried to intimidate the child out of going to the police, as it appears the pastor did, I and the church would be open to a whole world of trouble. It doesn't matter if she recants later or not. If at any point a church staff member believes a child has been abused, and does not report it to the police, he or she is breaking the law.


Were there any other witnesses to any of these conversations? I strongly suggest that the parents look into legal action against the church--what they did was not only wrong but illegal. And if I were you, I'd probably be writing an op-ed in the paper to get as many people as possible clued in as to what's going on there.

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meriana
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Anyway what happened and the pastor's actions could be reported to the governing body? That man needs a serious reality check as well as a large scale attitude adjustment (trying to put it nicely)
mlg1989
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:26 PM
I would be furious as well. The church we use to attend caught one of the janitors(it was also a school) having sex with a 16 year old who attended church. She was no angel. But the man was banned from the church as was the girl but the girl was just too embarassed to ever come back. Why that church is choosing to protect the one who was wrong is beyond me. They eventually let the man come back after 3 years, after he did jail time and went to meetings or whatever.
I say find another church with a youth group your daughter can join that you at least approve of. Maybe even suggest a change to all of her friend that attend as well?
acrogodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:29 PM

Not all churches are like that, but yes, that church would disgust me too and I wouldn't allow my children there.

HotMomma2622
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:33 PM
awww. poor girl. what little ass wipes. im glad that was not my daughter i would have my son whoop their butts.
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