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Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Report: Denying Men Sex Is Like Child Neglect

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:47 PM
  • 76 Replies



This week's "Bonds" column — the Wall Street Journal's answer to "Sex and the City" — tells the story of Chris and Afton Mower, high-school sweethearts turned Mormon newlyweds whose marriage has improved drastically since Mr. Mower taught his wife that not having sex with him amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. Ms. Mower had been turned off by the "pressure" to have sex again after a miscarriage, she says, until "he said, 'It feels like you don't love me' — and that really, really scared me." Now the couple wants to spread the word. Herewith, all the terrible things that happen to a man denied sex, according to the Mowers and the Journal’s cast of scientists and therapists.

It makes him depressed.
According to Mower, the vagina is the source of all of a man’s self-worth.

“He became grumpy, gained weight and stopped wanting to come home at night. ‘For me to feel good about myself, I needed her to have sex with me,’ he says. ‘Otherwise I thought she didn't love me.’”

It's like you're hiding his antidepressants.
Because men “often limit hugs and physical affection,” the Journal writes, women may be their only source of oxytocin.

“‘Take sex away and they don't have the chemical stimulants that give them a sense of well-being,’ says Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University research scientist in anthropology.”

Or censoring his self-expression.
According to the Journal, “men tend to express feelings with actions, not words," and by actions, they mean sex. Squishy noises are the key to his soul.

"For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy," says Justin Lehmiller, a Harvard University social psychologist who studies sexuality. Taking away sex "takes away their primary emotional outlet."

It may drive him to housework.
Mower is the only known person to have taken that study that says women find men who do chores sexy seriously.

“After reading online that women are turned on by men who do housework, he washed the dishes and vacuumed more often. ‘It didn't change anything,’ says the web designer and food blogger, now 30, who lives in West Jordan, Utah.”

And fastidious chart-making.
Mower tracked their sex life as if he were scoring a baseball game. He estimates he was batting around .05.

“He drew a chart and filled in different-shaped dots to represent various scenarios: He initiated sex but was declined. They planned on sex but didn't follow through. They actually had sex.”

It dredges up childhood trauma.
Every sexual rebuff has oedipal implications.

"When a man gets depressed because he's not being touched, it's just like the little boy who stands in his crib and cries to be picked up," [Esther Perel, a marriage therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, says.] "He is experiencing emotional deprivation."

In short, when a woman denies a man sex it is a form of emotional torture second only to that inflicted by his distant, refrigerator mother.

by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
parentalrights1
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:48 PM
2 moms liked this
But women should act like pure little prudes.

Either sex is important or it isnt
ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:51 PM
7 moms liked this

I'm so over sex. Seriously. Reading things like this make me want to do it less, not more.

lizmarie1975
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:52 PM


LOL. My husband got great pleasure reading this article to me.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I'm so over sex. Seriously. Reading things like this make me want to do it less, not more.



Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:53 PM

I wouldn't say this about men in general.

finnbar
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Gracious. I got a little crazy vibe when the sex chart was brought up
LauraKW
by "Dude!" on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:57 PM
26 moms liked this
Damn, I didn't know my vagina was so almighty powerful. I'm going to get it a cape!
Pema_Jampa
by SxyTaco on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:58 PM
6 moms liked this

Oh good grief! Go rub one out.

lga1965
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:59 PM
7 moms liked this

 This is NOT normal. Really. The chart thing was the first clue. And, the guy is a Mormon,too. They do tend to be a Patriarchal group.

This is kind of a humorous article, actually. He sounds very immature and self centered. That doesn't add up to a sexy guy.

A man who treats his wife with love and respect will be appealing to her. He needs to be a person who will treat his wife in such a way that she feels good about herself. To feel sexy you have to feel good about yourself. He sounds like a dork.

lga1965
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:02 PM

 No kidding.

What a dork.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I'm so over sex. Seriously. Reading things like this make me want to do it less, not more.

 

Arroree
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:03 PM
7 moms liked this



Quoting lga1965:

 This is NOT normal. Really. The chart thing was the first clue. And, the guy is a Mormon,too. They do tend to be a Patriarchal group.

This is kind of a humorous article, actually. He sounds very immature and self centered. That doesn't add up to a sexy guy.

A man who treats his wife with love and respect will be appealing to her. He needs to be a person who will treat his wife in such a way that she feels good about herself. To feel sexy you have to feel good about yourself. He sounds like a dork.

The first clue in what a completely self absorbed jerk this guy is, he was pressuring her to have sex after a misscarriage. I'd stop having sex with him too. Asshole.


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