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What's the real reason you don't want your child to get an IEP?

Has your child's team of teachers ever suggested your child get tested or be provided with an IEP? If you declined to get tested or get an IEP for your child, what were your reasons.

If your child has an IEP what were some of the talking points that helped you decide to utilize an IEP?

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 5:13 PM
Replies (121-130):
briellesmomma
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM
I think any parent that ignores their child's needs are morons. My DD doesn't have an iep yet and but she will soon when she transfers to cpse. It's not because I want her labeled (hate that stupid term) it's because you can clearly tell she needs something more that I can not help further with.
Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2013 at 8:03 AM

 and that is also what an IEP can and does do. My child has learned to manage his aspergers through an IEP. As he grew and developed he came tyo understand both his strengths and weaknesses and has learned to manage and cope. In fact, just last night while in front of his computer editing his English paper, he said "Hold on a minute, I'm having an aspergers moment, damn." I thought that was wonderful! He recognized that he was experiencing diffciulty with processing and began feeling anxious. he was able to label the experience, give himself a break, take a breath and he resumed working on his paper again once he re-focused himself and calmed himself down. Mind you my child is 17 and it has taken years to get him here. An IEP has helped him tremondously. It is not a crutch or a band-aid. An IEP is a support until children can stand alone. 

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Jack_Squat:

It was suggested for my middle daughter, however we wanted her to learn the tools needed to effectively manage her adhd, rather than have an iep to 'accomodate' the behaviors. She has been in therapy for a year and a half, and it has been very successful.

Thank you for posting this.

I feel like there area lot of kids in school who really just need 'coping' or management skills to draw from instead of different kinds of instruction.

 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:10 AM


Quoting briellesmomma:

I think any parent that ignores their child's needs are morons. My DD doesn't have an iep yet and but she will soon when she transfers to cpse. It's not because I want her labeled (hate that stupid term) it's because you can clearly tell she needs something more that I can not help further with.

 I don't think they're 'morons'. I do feel like many people who are not well versed in education misunderstand what teachers are capable of. Special ed teachers typically devote a majority of their learning to understanding and utilizing different methods that are more individualized and tailor fit to a student's needs. Teachers who are not special ed certiied might be very aware that little Johnny has a problem but may not be able to meet his criteria for comprehending lessons and/or intervene in his behaviors that keep him and others from learning in a typical classroom setting.

Also, it's incredibly frustrating as a teacher to be responsible for delivering instructional and educational materials and lessons to a group of kids, up to 24 students, and deal with behaviors of a few that slow the entire class down. Mainstream teachers typically find a balance between lessons and classroom control. I realize that idea seems contentious to some people, too. Still, that is typically what a person should expect within the public school system.

cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on May. 1, 2013 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband is one of those parents who doesn't want to "label" his child. He accepts that he has autism, but says that we're not slapping that label on him. I've had to fight my DH a lot just to get our son the services he needs. Another little classmate of my son's has the same dx as my son, but his parents are just now seeking aid for him. When I asked the mom why, she told me "we didn't want to label him." I do think some of it is denial that there is a problem. But denial and refusal to label often go hand in hand, IMO.

Quoting lancet98:

 In my experience, very few parents really are refusing individual help for a child or a diagnosis because they 'dislike labels'.  They simply can't accept that their child has a problem.  I believe most of them are simply in denial.

Since 'I don't like labels' is something others would sympathize with, they say that, but that isn't really what's going on.

Not that I blame them.  It's difficult to accept.   But they wind up harming the child.

Years ago when I was young, kids were either 'good' or 'bad'.   If they didn't get the school work or didn't sit still, they were 'bad'.  Everything was viewed as a discipline problem.  That did a lot of harm.  


Quoting cjsbmom:

Yep. 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 I work with 2,3,4 year olds and am often the first person who suggests to parents that getting an eval is a good idea.  Plain and simple, most folks who resist don't want their kids "labeled."  They might recognize that their kids are struggling, but when they hear that they have to call the district's "special ed" office, they balk.  Often times, moms are okay but dads resist.  They worry that their kids will get teased or that they'll be stuck in sped forever.  They are old-fashioned...they believe the kids will just "grow out of it."

When I choose to approach a parent with this suggestion, I SELL it  That's what teahers don't do enough of.  They're wishy washy.  They are afraid to insult parents so they cushion their real thoughts.   It's not fair and often results in parents who have trouble making solid decisions on the matter.






Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:12 AM

That is amazing and I'm glad he's had that help.

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 and that is also what an IEP can and does do. My child has learned to manage his aspergers through an IEP. As he grew and developed he came tyo understand both his strengths and weaknesses and has learned to manage and cope. In fact, just last night while in front of his computer editing his English paper, he said "Hold on a minute, I'm having an aspergers moment, damn." I thought that was wonderful! He recognized that he was experiencing diffciulty with processing and began feeling anxious. he was able to label the experience, give himself a break, take a breath and he resumed working on his paper again once he re-focused himself and calmed himself down. Mind you my child is 17 and it has taken years to get him here. An IEP has helped him tremondously. It is not a crutch or a band-aid. An IEP is a support until children can stand alone. 

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Jack_Squat:

It was suggested for my middle daughter, however we wanted her to learn the tools needed to effectively manage her adhd, rather than have an iep to 'accomodate' the behaviors. She has been in therapy for a year and a half, and it has been very successful.

Thank you for posting this.

I feel like there area lot of kids in school who really just need 'coping' or management skills to draw from instead of different kinds of instruction.

 


cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on May. 1, 2013 at 8:18 AM


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting briellesmomma:

I think any parent that ignores their child's needs are morons. My DD doesn't have an iep yet and but she will soon when she transfers to cpse. It's not because I want her labeled (hate that stupid term) it's because you can clearly tell she needs something more that I can not help further with.

 I don't think they're 'morons'. I do feel like many people who are not well versed in education misunderstand what teachers are capable of. Special ed teachers typically devote a majority of their learning to understanding and utilizing different methods that are more individualized and tailor fit to a student's needs. Teachers who are not special ed certiied might be very aware that little Johnny has a problem but may not be able to meet his criteria for comprehending lessons and/or intervene in his behaviors that keep him and others from learning in a typical classroom setting.

Also, it's incredibly frustrating as a teacher to be responsible for delivering instructional and educational materials and lessons to a group of kids, up to 24 students, and deal with behaviors of a few that slow the entire class down. Mainstream teachers typically find a balance between lessons and classroom control. I realize that idea seems contentious to some people, too. Still, that is typically what a person should expect within the public school system.

And everything you've just complained about is exactly what an IEP is for. The students should have an aide if their behavior is disruptive enough to require one. But most school districts don't want to pay for an aide, so you have to fight them tooth and nail.

In our district, the learning support teacher oversees the IEP and helps the classroom teacher and the aides to administer it. It should never be left to the teacher to figure this stuff out. If it is, you (general) live in a shitty school district that cares neither about its teachers nor its students. 


cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on May. 1, 2013 at 8:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Exactly. If it is a properly written IEP, it will do just that. IEPs aren't meant to put a band-aid on the issues. They are meant to address them and help our kids to learn to deal with them in a constructive - not destructive - way. Our kiddos are never going to be "cured" of their issues. But they will learn to recognize them and deal with them appropriately, rather than with meltdowns, etc. 

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 and that is also what an IEP can and does do. My child has learned to manage his aspergers through an IEP. As he grew and developed he came tyo understand both his strengths and weaknesses and has learned to manage and cope. In fact, just last night while in front of his computer editing his English paper, he said "Hold on a minute, I'm having an aspergers moment, damn." I thought that was wonderful! He recognized that he was experiencing diffciulty with processing and began feeling anxious. he was able to label the experience, give himself a break, take a breath and he resumed working on his paper again once he re-focused himself and calmed himself down. Mind you my child is 17 and it has taken years to get him here. An IEP has helped him tremondously. It is not a crutch or a band-aid. An IEP is a support until children can stand alone. 

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Jack_Squat:

It was suggested for my middle daughter, however we wanted her to learn the tools needed to effectively manage her adhd, rather than have an iep to 'accomodate' the behaviors. She has been in therapy for a year and a half, and it has been very successful.

Thank you for posting this.

I feel like there area lot of kids in school who really just need 'coping' or management skills to draw from instead of different kinds of instruction.

 



lancet98
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2013 at 8:35 AM

 I agree with this.


Quoting cjsbmom:

...But denial and refusal to label often go hand in hand, IMO.

Quoting lancet98:

 In my experience, very few parents really are refusing individual help for a child or a diagnosis because they 'dislike labels'.  They simply can't accept that their child has a problem.  I believe most of them are simply in denial.

Since 'I don't like labels' is something others would sympathize with, they say that, but that isn't really what's going on.

Not that I blame them.  It's difficult to accept.   But they wind up harming the child.

Years ago when I was young, kids were either 'good' or 'bad'.   If they didn't get the school work or didn't sit still, they were 'bad'.  Everything was viewed as a discipline problem.  That did a lot of harm.  

 

Quoting cjsbmom:

Yep. 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 I work with 2,3,4 year olds and am often the first person who suggests to parents that getting an eval is a good idea.  Plain and simple, most folks who resist don't want their kids "labeled."  They might recognize that their kids are struggling, but when they hear that they have to call the district's "special ed" office, they balk.  Often times, moms are okay but dads resist.  They worry that their kids will get teased or that they'll be stuck in sped forever.  They are old-fashioned...they believe the kids will just "grow out of it."

When I choose to approach a parent with this suggestion, I SELL it  That's what teahers don't do enough of.  They're wishy washy.  They are afraid to insult parents so they cushion their real thoughts.   It's not fair and often results in parents who have trouble making solid decisions on the matter.


 

 



 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:46 AM


Quoting cjsbmom:


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting briellesmomma:

I think any parent that ignores their child's needs are morons. My DD doesn't have an iep yet and but she will soon when she transfers to cpse. It's not because I want her labeled (hate that stupid term) it's because you can clearly tell she needs something more that I can not help further with.

 I don't think they're 'morons'. I do feel like many people who are not well versed in education misunderstand what teachers are capable of. Special ed teachers typically devote a majority of their learning to understanding and utilizing different methods that are more individualized and tailor fit to a student's needs. Teachers who are not special ed certiied might be very aware that little Johnny has a problem but may not be able to meet his criteria for comprehending lessons and/or intervene in his behaviors that keep him and others from learning in a typical classroom setting.

Also, it's incredibly frustrating as a teacher to be responsible for delivering instructional and educational materials and lessons to a group of kids, up to 24 students, and deal with behaviors of a few that slow the entire class down. Mainstream teachers typically find a balance between lessons and classroom control. I realize that idea seems contentious to some people, too. Still, that is typically what a person should expect within the public school system.

And everything you've just complained about is exactly what an IEP is for. The students should have an aide if their behavior is disruptive enough to require one. But most school districts don't want to pay for an aide, so you have to fight them tooth and nail.

In our district, the learning support teacher oversees the IEP and helps the classroom teacher and the aides to administer it. It should never be left to the teacher to figure this stuff out. If it is, you (general) live in a shitty school district that cares neither about its teachers nor its students. 

I'm not sure I get what youmean when you stated that teachers shouldn't be left to figure it out.

Where is the money coming from to pay for support staff? (That's a real issue) Seemingly more and more children are in need of IEP's. We rely on paraprofessionals to work with a lot of these kids on IEP's. In our district all of the paras that work with special needs have to be certified as well as pursue continuing education all for the starting pay of $7.00 an hour. The turn over is ridicuous.

fireangel5
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2013 at 9:19 AM


No, I managed to find the unrealistic part. That was basically what your whole post was about. Individually tailored instruction for each child based on their needs, strengths, weaknesses no?

Shake away

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 Out of my entire post you manage to find only negative.

SMFH

Quoting fireangel5:


Tailor make the curriculum for 100 kids? Keep track of IEP's, accomodations and special instructions for 100 kids? Not enough hours in the day for a single teacher to do that.

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 I LOVE that my child has an IEP. In fact, I think ALL studentsshould have an IEP. Think about it, it just makes sense! Having an Individual Educational Plan prompts success both socially and academically for the student. Teachers tailor-make the curriculum to each and every child based on that child's needs; promoting success in learning by focusing and developing the student's strengths and supporting and remediating the student's weaknesses. I fight each and every year to maintain my child's IEP. I know that he has a full team of teachers supporting him and assistng him with his social and academic success. He has an automatic safety net. Every student deserves to have this!

I shake my head in disbelief when parents fight against the IEP. The fools! Those parents are doing a great disservice to their child; dooming thier child to school struggle if not failure.



 



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