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The Dark Side of Domestic Adoption (trying again)

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 SAWRY. technical "issues" the Gremlins were at it again......I had to delete the first post (and all your replies poofed too in the process) just to get to this one. Okay, so now...

Thoughts?

 

US: The dark, sad side of domestic adoption
The Atlantic - April 30, 2013
One family's long quest to adopt a baby.
http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/the-dark-sad-side-of-domestic-adoption/275370/

When we decided to adopt, ceasing the fertility treatments and relinquishing our genetic link to our offspring, we thought the decision was altruistic. At the very least, we assumed there was an adoption system in place that works, and that we could move from the notional if we get a child—the gamble of science—to the unshakable when.

We decided on domestic adoption for several reasons. International adoption was volatile, as it remains. Guatemala closed to Americans in 2009, right around the time we went to the International Adoption Training session at an agency in Manhattan. My husband is half Spanish, a native Spanish speaker who's lived in South America, and so Guatemala had seemed like the perfect plan. A true connection, and one, we thought, we could pass on to our child. For me? There was Russia, which speaks to my ancestry, but that country seemed ominous. The orphanages were questionable; children were placed first locally, then nationally, and it was only then, when they were often several years old, that Americans could adopt them. Now there is a ban on United States adoptions in Russia. Ethiopia was also an option, but our connection to the country and its culture was not as distinct.

We were told—by caseworkers, agencies, friends who had adopted—that domestic adoption was the answer. And my reading told me there were many advantages to it. We could have a child from birth. Perhaps we would be in the delivery room. The adoption would be open—the birthmother and perhaps father would know us to whatever degree we all decided on, and they would know their biological child as she grew. 55 percent of all domestic adoptions are open, according to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, but at first this notion terrified me. Would this birthmother one day want her child back? Would she come for him? How large a part of our family would she be?

Ultimately my husband and I realized that the approach to adoption should be about what is best for the child. If the children know their birthmothers, they don't grow up with the fantasy of who their parents were or might have been. They do not have to make the life- altering decision in adulthood to try to find their birthparents or to forever forgo the idea. And so my spouse and I came to believe that the transparency of open adoption was best for everyone, not least of all the birthmother, who needs and deserves a way to handle her grief. Open adoption is about choice. Those seeking to adopt may choose the race they're prepared to parent, and the amount of drug and alcohol use they find acceptable during the pregnancy. They may decide what level of mental illness they are comfortable with in the birth mother's history. And they may decide as well if they are prepared for—or desire—a child with special needs.

When we got comfortable with the concept—open—I had to try to understand where my "motherness," who I would be as a parent, fit. We were told by adoption agencies and lawyers that couples, once they wrote their profiles and letters to birthmothers and posted them online, or placed ads in the "penny savers" in the baby-making parts of the country, were matched with birthmothers within three months. The Academy of American Adoption Attorneys claims that that 33 percent of waiting couples are successfully matched with a birthmother within three months, and more than half are matched in less than six months. With certainly, we were told, we would be matched within the year.

Matched, as we know from the dating world alone, is a coded word. My spouse and I were matched with birthmothers not once, not twice, not three times, but a total of five times. The most horrible things kept happening: Birthmothers and those posing as birthmothers, birthfathers and those posing as birthfathers lied to us. Birthmothers are doing a very selfless and generous thing when they decide they are unable to parent and place their child with wanting parents. It is a decision made out of big, big love for that child. Adoption, when it is successful, is a wonderful thing. But everyone coming to it is grieving in some way. It would be wrong not to acknowledge this. We have been lied to by birthmothers who wanted money, and who, when I look at the situation in the harsh light of hindsight, wanted the control and love they had so little of in their lives. More than one of the women who chose us may not have been pregnant; it would be wrong to call them birthmothers.

But some were decidedly pregnant. We were matched with a woman we'd had long meals with, whose family we'd met, and to whom I'd talked nightly until she went into labor. From that day forward, we never heard from her—ever—again. In another situation, I spoke once with a birthmother who the next day went into labor two months early. Despite the risk, we flew across the country for this child, who, it turned out, had Down Syndrome. As open as my husband and I were to adopting a baby of a different race and as open as we became to adopting from a mother with a history of drug use, this is the one choice we were not open to. And so we did not take the child. We were told there was another family waiting, and we were trying to do the right thing for this baby. But I won't be able to forget the moment when we left the hospital without her.

The piece de resistance of our adoption experience, however, was when, last April, I was in the delivery room—and cut the umbilical cord—of a child whose biological mother we had supported and gotten to know well. This child was subsequently with us for several weeks. We named him. We were in a farmhouse in Pennsylvania, due to interstate laws, which decreed we had to stay in the state until the legal paperwork was completed. There were goats and chickens, a stream running through the backyard. And it was spring. Everything was waking.

We had been told that the birthfather was one of two people: either the birthmother's abusive Caucasian boyfriend or a Hispanic man with whom the birthmother had mentioned having had a brief affair.

When the baby was delivered, we were delighted he was half-Mexican for many reasons, not least that it meant the baby's father was not the boyfriend. We believed that if the baby had been his, they might have kept him. We were told the birthfather lived in Mexico and had no desire to deal with any of this.

You can see where this is going. My sister was visiting, breastfeeding her newborn as I bottle-fed ours, when we got a call. My husband spoke to him in Spanish, and just from his gestures, the desperation in his voice, I knew it was over. The birthfather was in the next town over and apparently he had been supporting the birthmother and his unborn child through the entire pregnancy. The birthfather wanted his son.

Later we would find out that our presence in this baby's life was a way for the birthmother to get away from her abusive boyfriend and to reunite with the man she loved. We had been cast to keep the baby—and the baby's mother—safe from harm. And yet last we heard he was in foster care. What happened to that child will always haunt us.

Every adoption story begins with the story of someone breaking someone else's heart. Whose heart was not broken here? There are no laws to protect prospective adoptive parents. No one is held accountable, and nothing is federated. State to state, the laws change in regards to how long a birthmother has to relinquish her rights and how long she has to revoke them, as well as how much she can be compensated for a gift so precious it cannot be priced. But for the prospective adoptive parents, it is all a "legal risk." Few will dispute that a birthmother has every right to change her mind. It is a chance we take, and anyone would be foolish or ethically irresponsible to think it should be otherwise. But when there is deceit, and when the adoption fails because of it, hope is lost, and so is most of the money that has been, for most, painstakingly set aside. The bills increase and still you hope. Still you pay.

We have been told that once we brought a baby home our negative experiences would fade. And sure enough, a few weeks ago, my husband and I brought a baby home to stay. The story of how he got to us is not perfect or without drama, but it is over. Our experiences have in fact begun to recede as we turn now, joyfully, to the rhythm of a newborn's needs. I am grateful; I am humbled, but I will always be haunted.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Now we are four years older than when we started, and significantly poorer. I look at my son—a word I am scared to utter—and I still wonder not if, but when, he will be taken. I am so careful. I don't post many pictures on social networking sights. I don't take him outside without considerable concern as well as a terrible self-consciousness that comes from having wanted something for so long and finally having it, but also an acute and troubling awareness that the woman just next to me might be wanting too. It is my wish, really, that no one else be hurt here.

by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:30 PM
Replies (41-50):
adopteeme
by on May. 2, 2013 at 6:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Ms.KitKat:



The SW I love is Mr Ken Watson.
I've met him at my support group several years ago.

Ken Watson has been a professional social worker in the field of child welfare for over forty-five years. Over this time he has presented over 650 workshops and seminars, has had faculty appointments at four university graduate schools of social work, and has published more than 45 books, monographs, and articles on adoption and related child welfare issues. At the end of 1994, he retired as the Assistant Director of the Chicago Child Care Society, but he continues to write, teach, and consult. He has long been active in the American Adoption Congress and is a former AAC board member.
quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 7:07 PM

No, she is a typical baby.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 I am guessing through the special needs program.  

Quoting quickbooksworm:

They applied about 18 months ago and got word 2 months ago that they have a baby.  They pick her up next month.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 When did your freinds receive the placement of their child from China? This must have been years ago. There is NO adoption from China that takes only 18 months for $10K. The placmeent fee alone is over that amount. ( for at least the past 5+ years).

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My friends adopted from China for $10k plus travel and waited about 18 months.  But what I meant about adopting internationally costing less is that you aren't spending money, not getting a baby, spending more money, not getting a baby again, etc.  A lot of adoptive parents want to make sure the birth mother is taken care of so they buy her maternity clothes she may not be able to otherwise afford, medical care, and sometimes a monthly stipend for living expenses.  But if she pulls out, this is all "gifts" and they are just out all that money they spent in good faith and they start all over.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.

 



 



 



mcginnisc
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 7:40 PM



Quoting quickbooksworm:

My friends adopted from China for $10k plus travel and waited about 18 months.  But what I meant about adopting internationally costing less is that you aren't spending money, not getting a baby, spending more money, not getting a baby again, etc.  A lot of adoptive parents want to make sure the birth mother is taken care of so they buy her maternity clothes she may not be able to otherwise afford, medical care, and sometimes a monthly stipend for living expenses.  But if she pulls out, this is all "gifts" and they are just out all that money they spent in good faith and they start all over.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.

 




How long ago did your friend's child come home? 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

mcginnisc
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 7:50 PM



Quoting quickbooksworm:

No, she is a typical baby.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 I am guessing through the special needs program.  

Quoting quickbooksworm:

They applied about 18 months ago and got word 2 months ago that they have a baby.  They pick her up next month.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 When did your freinds receive the placement of their child from China? This must have been years ago. There is NO adoption from China that takes only 18 months for $10K. The placmeent fee alone is over that amount. ( for at least the past 5+ years).

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My friends adopted from China for $10k plus travel and waited about 18 months.  But what I meant about adopting internationally costing less is that you aren't spending money, not getting a baby, spending more money, not getting a baby again, etc.  A lot of adoptive parents want to make sure the birth mother is taken care of so they buy her maternity clothes she may not be able to otherwise afford, medical care, and sometimes a monthly stipend for living expenses.  But if she pulls out, this is all "gifts" and they are just out all that money they spent in good faith and they start all over.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.

 



 



 




I'm sorry, but this is NOT possible unless the child has a SN. 

The wait for NSN is over 6 years. Unless they put their dossier in before November 2006, this is impossible. The CCWCA has referred dossiers up to October 26, 2006. This means their dossier was LID ( logged in date)  before or no later than this date by the CCWCA. 

I know all this as a parent of a Chinese child. Our LID was 10/10/05 and in 6 years of our dd being home from China, they had done 1 year of LIDs. 1 year of NSN in 6 years... the current wait is over 6 years for a NSN child and projections expect it to reach at least 9-10 years soon. China is Hague compliant which means they are required by International law to make every effort to place a child domestically before Internationally. This is one of many reasons why the wait for a referral is so long. SN referrals are 1-2 years now. I have good friends that are currently waiting to travel for their dd Charlotte. They've been matched with her ( SN) for over a year. Their first adoption from China was also SN and over 1 year. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:05 PM

They weren't even married then, so I know they didn't start the process by 2006.  I don't know how they pulled it off, but she's a typical baby.   It's possible they took a different route than you did.  I don't know.  All I know is they started last year, they are picking her up next month, and she is typical.  He said one of the reasons they didn't go to Africa is because so many kids there are SN and they aren't prepared to handle a SN child.  Plus, he's involved in martial arts and it's an opportunity to go to Asia.


Quoting mcginnisc:



Quoting quickbooksworm:

No, she is a typical baby.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 I am guessing through the special needs program.  

Quoting quickbooksworm:

They applied about 18 months ago and got word 2 months ago that they have a baby.  They pick her up next month.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 When did your freinds receive the placement of their child from China? This must have been years ago. There is NO adoption from China that takes only 18 months for $10K. The placmeent fee alone is over that amount. ( for at least the past 5+ years).

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My friends adopted from China for $10k plus travel and waited about 18 months.  But what I meant about adopting internationally costing less is that you aren't spending money, not getting a baby, spending more money, not getting a baby again, etc.  A lot of adoptive parents want to make sure the birth mother is taken care of so they buy her maternity clothes she may not be able to otherwise afford, medical care, and sometimes a monthly stipend for living expenses.  But if she pulls out, this is all "gifts" and they are just out all that money they spent in good faith and they start all over.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.

 



 



 




I'm sorry, but this is NOT possible unless the child has a SN. 

The wait for NSN is over 6 years. Unless they put their dossier in before November 2006, this is impossible. The CCWCA has referred dossiers up to October 26, 2006. This means their dossier was LID ( logged in date)  before or no later than this date by the CCWCA. 

I know all this as a parent of a Chinese child. Our LID was 10/10/05 and in 6 years of our dd being home from China, they had done 1 year of LIDs. 1 year of NSN in 6 years... the current wait is over 6 years for a NSN child and projections expect it to reach at least 9-10 years soon. China is Hague compliant which means they are required by International law to make every effort to place a child domestically before Internationally. This is one of many reasons why the wait for a referral is so long. SN referrals are 1-2 years now. I have good friends that are currently waiting to travel for their dd Charlotte. They've been matched with her ( SN) for over a year. Their first adoption from China was also SN and over 1 year. 



mcginnisc
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:19 PM



Quoting quickbooksworm:

They weren't even married then, so I know they didn't start the process by 2006.  I don't know how they pulled it off, but she's a typical baby.   It's possible they took a different route than you did.  I don't know.  All I know is they started last year, they are picking her up next month, and she is typical.  He said one of the reasons they didn't go to Africa is because so many kids there are SN and they aren't prepared to handle a SN child.  Plus, he's involved in martial arts and it's an opportunity to go to Asia.


Quoting mcginnisc:



Quoting quickbooksworm:

No, she is a typical baby.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 I am guessing through the special needs program.  

Quoting quickbooksworm:

They applied about 18 months ago and got word 2 months ago that they have a baby.  They pick her up next month.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 When did your freinds receive the placement of their child from China? This must have been years ago. There is NO adoption from China that takes only 18 months for $10K. The placmeent fee alone is over that amount. ( for at least the past 5+ years).

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My friends adopted from China for $10k plus travel and waited about 18 months.  But what I meant about adopting internationally costing less is that you aren't spending money, not getting a baby, spending more money, not getting a baby again, etc.  A lot of adoptive parents want to make sure the birth mother is taken care of so they buy her maternity clothes she may not be able to otherwise afford, medical care, and sometimes a monthly stipend for living expenses.  But if she pulls out, this is all "gifts" and they are just out all that money they spent in good faith and they start all over.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.

 



 



 




I'm sorry, but this is NOT possible unless the child has a SN. 

The wait for NSN is over 6 years. Unless they put their dossier in before November 2006, this is impossible. The CCWCA has referred dossiers up to October 26, 2006. This means their dossier was LID ( logged in date)  before or no later than this date by the CCWCA. 

I know all this as a parent of a Chinese child. Our LID was 10/10/05 and in 6 years of our dd being home from China, they had done 1 year of LIDs. 1 year of NSN in 6 years... the current wait is over 6 years for a NSN child and projections expect it to reach at least 9-10 years soon. China is Hague compliant which means they are required by International law to make every effort to place a child domestically before Internationally. This is one of many reasons why the wait for a referral is so long. SN referrals are 1-2 years now. I have good friends that are currently waiting to travel for their dd Charlotte. They've been matched with her ( SN) for over a year. Their first adoption from China was also SN and over 1 year. 




There is no other route for China though. China is very specific in how their process works as is the US. The US paperwork alone is now taking up to a year to complete. Then, it has to authenticated by the state, then the federal government, then the Chinese government, after that it goes to China where it is logged into the system. After it is logged in, it is sent to review room, which means a worker assigned to an agency ( each agency in the US that is registered with the CCWCA) and they then ask any questions they might have for that couple. Then, it goes to the matching room. Referral occurs shortly after matching, but then it takes another 8 weeks to travel and China is now requiring 3 weeks in country. 

Unless he is Chinese himself or they adopted SN, there is no LEGAL way they already have a match if they just started the process in the past 6 years. The US would not allow the child to have a VISA as they are well aware of the wait times for children in China and only certain agencies are allowed to work within that system. 

I've been involved in the Chinese system for 10 years, so I've seen it ebb and flow and right now it is standstill and has been for 6 years. Nobody saw this coming. When we began the process in 2005, the wait was 6 months from LID to referral. Once we were LID, the wait went from 6 months to 8 months...then, it was 10 months...then 12... we were LID 10/10/05 and did not get a phone call until 17 months later- 2/1/07. Our dd was 15 months old and we met her when she was 17 months old. 

China is one of the most difficult systems to navigate now since they are Hague compliant. The dossier and homestudy has changed considerably and the fees have increased. When we traveled the orphanage fee was $3K..it is now almost $7K. The US fees have increased as well...paperwork that cost us $585 is now over $800. It is crazy how much it has changed. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

finnbar
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:49 PM
She lost me at that point too. And weren't they magnanimous, so willing to take a child who was black or mixed?


Quoting momtoscott:

Nobody but me lost quite a bit of sympathy for her when she rejected the Down syndrome baby?  


bellawomen
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:51 PM
No I am not. One daughter had birth deformity that was easily fixed. None of their children are special needs.

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 You are speaking of the special needs program. That is a whole 'nother matter!


Quoting bellawomen:


$60,000?  I think that is pretty excessive.  I have friends who have adopted 2 daughters frmo China, a son from South Korea, and another son from somewhere in Asia (I forget).  When I talked to them about international adoption they told me to have about $12,000 set aside to cover everything.  Their daughters were their latest adoptions (adopted separate) and within weeks of having their paperwork in they were matched with their daughters.  One daughter did have a cleft pallette, but is otherwise healthy.  She had surgery 3 weeks after coming home.  Their other daughter they were matched with while in China but they didn't bring her home for about 4 months.  I know that sounds confusing, but they didn't meet her in China.  They were just contacted by the adoption agency to let them know another girl was available for adoption if they wanted her.  It is WAY easier to adopt a girl from China than one might think according to my friends.


Quoting Ms.KitKat:


 International adoption is no cheaper (er, less expensive) than DIA. Adopting parents should plan to budget up to $60,000 (taking into consideration travel costs, living expenses, legal fees, etc....). Plus the wait time for a healthy child from China is between 6-9 years. 


Quoting quickbooksworm:


My step sister adopted out of the foster system, but it was very smooth since the kids were technically family and they were older.  Our adoption laws here are not good.  I know a family adopting a baby girl from China because it is so much easier and less expensive.  They don't need to have a white baby, they just want to know they aren't spending a ton of money (that they have worked hard and saved for) on legal stuff and no guarantee the baby won't be taken from them later.  They have older children and might have gone the domestic route if this was their first child, but they didn't want to have to explain to their 6 and 4 year old why their baby sister is suddenly gone.


 




 

MandMsWorld
by on May. 2, 2013 at 8:52 PM


Have you adopted?  Do you understand the education you have to go through on EVERY SINGLE possible issue at birth?

They actually give you a list - yes a list.   Blind? deaf? DS? and if you don't check it you can't accept a child anyway  because you wouldn't have had the classes required as an adoptive parent.    Homestudies are very specific when it comes to SN kids - wether its a random disability or a potential  drug  use disability - .






Quoting momtoscott:

Nobody but me lost quite a bit of sympathy for her when she rejected the Down syndrome baby?  



Michelle
married to Matt since 1990

Mom t0

James & Andrew 7/3/02
and Stephanie 7/3/06
momtoscott
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:56 PM

I have not adopted.  I have a SN child, however.  I understand the issues are complicated, but that doesn't give me a large amount of sympathy for the writer of the original article.  

Quoting MandMsWorld:


Have you adopted?  Do you understand the education you have to go through on EVERY SINGLE possible issue at birth?

They actually give you a list - yes a list.   Blind? deaf? DS? and if you don't check it you can't accept a child anyway  because you wouldn't have had the classes required as an adoptive parent.    Homestudies are very specific when it comes to SN kids - wether its a random disability or a potential  drug  use disability - .






Quoting momtoscott:

Nobody but me lost quite a bit of sympathy for her when she rejected the Down syndrome baby?  




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