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How do you separate?

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 7:33 AM
  • 91 Replies
I have noticed a theme or common occurrence on here that I cannot wrap my mind around.

How do you separate your beliefs from a person? I was thinking reading Poodles memes and responses to them which are always volatile.

One side... How do you separate what the memes respresent from the person posting them? How can you separate the hate in any post from the person posting it? For example, to say I am against homosexuality but I do not hate homosexuals in my opinion is bullshit. This is not an attack! Please do not turn it into one.

The other side.. How do you condemn what people post and preach freedom of speech in another thread? I have seen people bash nasty things about Bush and it is acceptable but if anyone posts something bad about Obama they are called names?

I have been guilty of this so I am not condemning anyone. Just something I noticed.
by on May. 7, 2013 at 7:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
romalove
by Roma on May. 7, 2013 at 7:39 AM
9 moms liked this

The only thing we have to know one another on here is what we post.

Whether it is threads we start

Or posts we contribute

Or memes we show

Or how we respond to other's who do these things

This is what makes "us", how we represent ourselves, and how others will view us.

We cannot read facial expression or hear nuances of tone, we can't find the subtleties you get when you are face to face with a person.

If someone posts things you (the general you) find offensive, you (the general you) may have a very hard time finding that person themself not to be offensive.

If they post things you love, you will likely warm to them.


Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 7:44 AM
True. I just wonder if our views and beliefs get mixed up because of what we assume the other person means?

Quoting romalove:

The only thing we have to know one another on here is what we post.

Whether it is threads we start

Or posts we contribute

Or memes we show

Or how we respond to other's who do these things

This is what makes "us", how we represent ourselves, and how others will view us.

We cannot read facial expression or hear nuances of tone, we can't find the subtleties you get when you are face to face with a person.

If someone posts things you (the general you) find offensive, you (the general you) may have a very hard time finding that person themself not to be offensive.

If they post things you love, you will likely warm to them.


romalove
by Roma on May. 7, 2013 at 7:46 AM
7 moms liked this


Quoting Debmomto2girls:

True. I just wonder if our views and beliefs get mixed up because of what we assume the other person means?

Quoting romalove:

The only thing we have to know one another on here is what we post.

Whether it is threads we start

Or posts we contribute

Or memes we show

Or how we respond to other's who do these things

This is what makes "us", how we represent ourselves, and how others will view us.

We cannot read facial expression or hear nuances of tone, we can't find the subtleties you get when you are face to face with a person.

If someone posts things you (the general you) find offensive, you (the general you) may have a very hard time finding that person themself not to be offensive.

If they post things you love, you will likely warm to them.


I think if you pay attention to a specific person's postings and they post something new, you will absorb the information through the prism of what you already know about them.  This can lead, at times, to misunderstandings.

That's why we have to always be willing to clarify, and if necessary, apologize.  :-)

EireLass
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2013 at 7:47 AM
1 mom liked this

We assume people have thought things out, and speak (post) mindfully. Therefore, what the post is a representation of who they are.

punky3175
by on May. 7, 2013 at 7:52 AM
6 moms liked this
Roma pretty much said it all. :-) I would never tell someone they can't post what they want but if it's a continual pattern, I will definitely call them on it and explain why they may be getting negative feedback from other people and myself.

Every one is free to have their own opinion but that opinion is not owed a 'don't touch' status. If someone doesn't agree with an opinion they are just as free to express that disagreement.
momtoscott
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 8:00 AM
3 moms liked this

I think most posters are pretty consistent in their personas, over time.  I have no idea what any are like in real life.  The online persona, words, images, and articles posted, is the only one available for judging, liking, and disliking.  Some posters support things I don't in a way that leaves room for a fruitful conversation.  Some people support things that I do in a way that turns me off.   I try not to judge someone on one post or a few replies.  

Over time, I feel I have enough reason to judge whether someone who is posting hateful articles or ugly memes is doing it more out of zeal for a cause or to express a spiteful personality.  However, that's still my own judgment and a personal opinion.   

Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 8:05 AM
5 moms liked this

 Similar to what Roma posted, we all only know each other by what each of us posts. After a while, a picture forms of who that person is. This happens through their avataors, their postings and their replies. I have found that I can separate out the person from the posts-sometimes - if they have previously provided a wide view of themselves. There are some women here that I have clashed with over gun control for example but we have a common ground on parenting philopshy. Then there are others here who only show their very racist side for example. These women end up being one-dimensional and that is how "I" respond to them. Perhaps if they provided  a greater view, we might agree that chocolate, for example is God's greatest gift to pms'ing women LOL

Did that answer your question?

rfurlongg
by on May. 7, 2013 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this
Yep.

Quoting EireLass:

We assume people have thought things out, and speak (post) mindfully. Therefore, what the post is a representation of who they are.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stacymomof2
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2013 at 8:19 AM
3 moms liked this
It is hard at times. Imo there are people whose opinions I may disagree with but who arrive at them in a way I understand or can see as being well thought out or deeply felt. I ffind those people to be easier to understand or be open to. Others seem to just present as a caricature and seem to be repeating things they want to believe without much thought. Those people, even if I agree seem shallow to me.
I do try to keep it in perspective since some people don't express themselves well in writing or just don't care to get that in depth on a forum like this. And of course there are some whose deeply felt convictions I just cant tolerate becauss I see them as small.
katy_kay08
by on May. 7, 2013 at 8:58 AM
7 moms liked this

Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequence and it certainly doesn't guarantee a compliant audience.  

As for separating the person from their rhetoric.  I used to try, but now I've come to realize that what people present here is what they want us to know about them and if they are happy being seen in the things and ways they post then that's how I will see them.  

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