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I have noticed a theme or common occurrence on here that I cannot wrap my mind around.

How do you separate your beliefs from a person? I was thinking reading Poodles memes and responses to them which are always volatile.

One side... How do you separate what the memes respresent from the person posting them? How can you separate the hate in any post from the person posting it? For example, to say I am against homosexuality but I do not hate homosexuals in my opinion is bullshit. This is not an attack! Please do not turn it into one.

The other side.. How do you condemn what people post and preach freedom of speech in another thread? I have seen people bash nasty things about Bush and it is acceptable but if anyone posts something bad about Obama they are called names?

I have been guilty of this so I am not condemning anyone. Just something I noticed.
by on May. 7, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Replies (21-30):
meriana
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM

I really don't form opinions of what kind of person someone is based on what they post on the internet other than at times wondering whether or not I'd get along very well with that person in face to face situations. The thing is that the manner in which someone posts things on the internet may or may not be representative of how they interact with actual flesh and blood people, because really on the internet, we're all just a screen name and an avatar which is not quite the same thing when it comes to interacting or stating opinions. I have seen some posters who do appear to be very agressive, etc. but there is the fact that one can "be" anyone they want on the internet, it's not necessarily who they really are and the manner in which they debate, discuss, etc. on the internet isn't necessarily the same in real life, real time, face to face interaction.

As far as this goes:
"For example, to say I am against homosexuality but I do not homosexuals in my opinion is bullshit"

Think for a minute about one's children. If one's child committed an act that landed them in jail, one would strongly dislike the action, perhaps even hate the action, but would they dislike or hate the child? NO, people tend to love their children no matter what, they just don't always like the THINGS their children do or the manner in which they live their lives. Another example: Years ago I had a friend who slept around, by that I mean she slept with pretty much any guy she went out with. We were good friends, had a great time when we got together, she was a really neat gal with a great personality. I truely liked HER as a PERSON....did I like the way she lived her life? Nope, but her sleeping around didn't define her as a person, it was just something she did, it was the manner in which she lived her life. There was so much more to her than that. And that is true of everyone, what they do, how they live their lives, isn't necessarily WHO they are, it generally doesn't define them completely. If people were only friends with those that did things and lived in ways that they completely liked and/or agreed with, they'd find their circle of friends extremely limited because in reality, there is always going to be something in what another does or the manner in which they live that you (general you) don't like or agree with but that doesn't or shouldn't mean you don't or can't like them as a person. That one thing or maybe even several things, doesn't completely define them.

 

 

Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:18 AM
That has happened to me IRL as I get older with certain types of people. I can no longer seem to overlook some glaring difference between me and some old friends. We all grew up in different directions and it is hard to get back the friendships we had when we were younger.

IRL I found the biggest split with people was the whole sah v. Woh bullshit. I had certain friends who seemed okay when I sah but when I returned to work their negative digs at me caused me to rethink relationships. It could be they always thought that way but I never noticed before.


Quoting Seasidegirl:

It's easier to separate the beliefs stated from someone you know in person (and like -- you can see the whole, full person) from the beliefs spewed on an online forum when ALL you witness are the person's beliefs.


But, I have to admit, I'm not friends with any strong right wingers. We just feel too differently about things having to do with every-day life.

jllcali
by Jane on May. 7, 2013 at 9:20 AM
I pretty much agree with everything romalove said in this post.
Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:21 AM
I get that part of it. But, in the flip side if I were homosexual I would feel awful if a friend truly believed I was going to hell for who I am. If Inwere homosexual ad saw some of these meme's how could I not feel negative towards the person posting it? How would I not take it personal?

Quoting meriana:

I really don't form opinions of what kind of person someone is based on what they post on the internet other than at times wondering whether or not I'd get along very well with that person in face to face situations. The thing is that the manner in which someone posts things on the internet may or may not be representative of how they interact with actual flesh and blood people, because really on the internet, we're all just a screen name and an avatar which is not quite the same thing when it comes to interacting or stating opinions. I have seen some posters who do appear to be very agressive, etc. but there is the fact that one can "be" anyone they want on the internet, it's not necessarily who they really are and the manner in which they debate, discuss, etc. on the internet isn't necessarily the same in real life, real time, face to face interaction.


As far as this goes:
"For example, to say I am against homosexuality but I do not homosexuals in my opinion is bullshit"


Think for a minute about one's children. If one's child committed an act that landed them in jail, one would strongly dislike the action, perhaps even hate the action, but would they dislike or hate the child? NO, people tend to love their children no matter what, they just don't always like the THINGS their children do or the manner in which they live their lives. Another example: Years ago I had a friend who slept around, by that I mean she slept with pretty much any guy she went out with. We were good friends, had a great time when we got together, she was a really neat gal with a great personality. I truely liked HER as a PERSON....did I like the way she lived her life? Nope, but her sleeping around didn't define her as a person, it was just something she did, it was the manner in which she lived her life. There was so much more to her than that. And that is true of everyone, what they do, how they live their lives, isn't necessarily WHO they are, it generally doesn't define them completely. If people were only friends with those that did things and lived in ways that they completely liked and/or agreed with, they'd find their circle of friends extremely limited because in reality, there is always going to be something in what another does or the manner in which they live that you (general you) don't like or agree with but that doesn't or shouldn't mean you don't or can't like them as a person. That one thing or maybe even several things, doesn't completely define them.


 


 

Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:23 AM
I have seen people do this on here? My question is do people find that okay and if they do how do they justify it?

On the flip side. I have seen people post it is anti-American to bash a president (when Bush was geting bashed) but they are the same ones who tear apart Obama.


Quoting Tag3.0:


That can't be a question. How is it acceptable for people to bash bush but unacceptable for people to bash obama.


Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Both. Observation and a question as to how that seems acceptable.



Quoting Tag3.0:

 I have seen people bash nasty things about Bush and it is acceptable but if anyone posts something bad about Obama they are called names? 

Is that a question or an observation turned into a statement?




Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:24 AM
How do I not see it? I see it on here everyday!

Quoting Tag3.0:

Oh and btw, on fb there is a meme circulating asking for obama to be hanged. People effing hate that guy, youre just not seeing it.

gammie
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:26 AM

I see this all the time one of the woman here always see everything as racism but then she supports a racist?

lizzielouaf
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:29 AM

I've had certain things said to me I considered unfriendly but I never logged off and thought about it. Until, last week. Someone said something I considered to be very personal and extremely untrue and it bothered me. It shouldn't because I don't have a personal connection with this person but it does anyway. Maybe I misread the intent or read too much into it but ultimately I don't care if I did or not because the comment was personal and uncalled for. Sure we can say whatever we want here and there are no real consequences but that doesn't mean we should. Because of this specific comment, I probably won't be able to separate. So, just like real life, if someone does or says something deeply personal, it's harder to forgive and separate the person from their beliefs/comments.

Btw, I realize my comment is rambley and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense. 

NWP
by guerrilla girl on May. 7, 2013 at 9:32 AM
2 moms liked this
I think you describe behavior that is common of a lot of newbies. I was like that too. When you start to spend a little time in here you realize there are some very smart ladies and that they can challenge your thinking. This is one if the reasons the site is so addictive. If it was just an easy bash forum it would get boring quick.

I've learned to respect some of the women on this board and have also learned to enjoy when I find a common connection with someone who on the surface seems like the polar opposite from me.


Quoting DestinyHLewis:

I think it depends. If a person has expressed themselves to have only one view to them, and refuses to ever consider their thinking might be flawed and be introspective of themselves, it would be hard to separate them from their posts. 

On the other hand, if I have made a judgement on someone from one post in particular, and then see that that isn't who they are in a nutshell, overtime I would form a different opinion and be able to separate the things I don't like or agree with from that person as a whole individual. 

For instance. When someone becomes a new member and right out of the gate they post something incredibly offensive, or start attacking people like a bull in a china shop, I might be turned off from go. If overtime they showed that they were perceived wrong, and maybe made a bad choice in their post, or how they initially spoke to other members, I could overlook the initial impression I was given. 

I  myself have made that mistake. Not long after joining this group I posted something that was not well received, and I just thought it was amusing. I was accused of being a racist among other things which baffled me. Then a member suggested I may be naive to racial issues. I thought about that comment long and hard and decided she was right. I am naive to those things to an extent because of how I grew up. From then on I have tried to be sensitive to the topics and really think about things before I comment or post items that may be controversial. If I had refused to look at how others perceived who I was from that post, I wouldn't blame a person for writing me off completely, I imagine some did from that post. I think most of us work that way. Like Roma mentioned. We cannot see facial expressions, hear voice inflection, and generally know little about the person in real life. We only have their comments to make a judgement on. 

UpSheRises
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

You've just gotta lower the bar. I can separate it because i know we don't share the same perspective on that issue. It's not a value judgment for me...our opinions just aren't the same.

I work with families for a living. It's a child abuse prevention program so I'm sure you can imagine how hard it might be to treat some of our parents with dignity and respect. You have to learn to let that stuff filter through so you can see other parts of that person. Just because it's the loudest part doesn't mean it's the most important, KWIM?

Someone's opinion might suck, and they might be a total asshole, but if they give us some good one liners occasionally...that's good enough for me.

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