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S/O Meeting violence with violence. *Edited*

Posted by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:53 PM
  • 44 Replies

How many of you feel that if a child is violent, either in manners or speech, that a good way to approach the subject, get a handle on it, deal with it, is by enacting violence against the kid?

Or do you not see grabbing a child by the collar and yanking them up, beating them, paddling them until their ass in on fire, or otherwise, as being violent? Don't tell me it does not inflict pain or cannot bring about harm to some one.  Isn't that the point?

If you are going to allow some one else to do this to your child you must do so yourself, right?

EDIT:  I am speaking more in the way of punishing your child, or disciplining them, or allowing others to do it for you, or along with you.

EDIT AGAIN:  Hope this helps..........

Basically, I was asking if people feel it is beneficial to use violence against a child who is violent.  If they should act out in a violent manner, it is appropriate to beat their ass, to use force as a way of punishment, a determent from acting that way again.

by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krysstizzle
by on May. 13, 2013 at 3:04 PM

I don't spank my children. The whole concept of phsycially hurting a child just doesn't make sense to me. 

I used to be more ambivalent about spanking and hitting kids. I was spanked/beaten growing up, after all. Then I read a fantastic ethnography that really cemented in my mind the absurdity of thinking that hitting a child is a "necessity". It's not. 

AlekD
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:04 PM

I don't approve of over-the-knee spanking sessions that leave marks or bring a kid to tears. However, my son is still to young too understand time-outs or taking away toys etc, so my method is this: he gets three verbal warnings, if he persists he gets one swat to the bum and physically removed from the situation. It's worked fine for me, he rarely persists past the verbal warnings now. I don't consider that "spanking" per se and certainly don't consider it abuse or violent. Teaching a child to respond to conflict with violence is obviously not a good life lesson.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on May. 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM


Quoting AlekD:

I don't approve of over-the-knee spanking sessions that leave marks or bring a kid to tears. However, my son is still to young too understand time-outs or taking away toys etc, so my method is this: he gets three verbal warnings, if he persists he gets one swat to the bum and physically removed from the situation. It's worked fine for me, he rarely persists past the verbal warnings now. I don't consider that "spanking" per se and certainly don't consider it abuse or violent. Teaching a child to respond to conflict with violence is obviously not a good life lesson.

I understand this, what you are saying.

I am not talking about this type of discipline.

But more along the lines of a kiddo who may be some what violent, in manners or speech.  And the consequences to such behavior is more violence towards them. 

AlekD
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:08 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting AlekD:

I don't approve of over-the-knee spanking sessions that leave marks or bring a kid to tears. However, my son is still to young too understand time-outs or taking away toys etc, so my method is this: he gets three verbal warnings, if he persists he gets one swat to the bum and physically removed from the situation. It's worked fine for me, he rarely persists past the verbal warnings now. I don't consider that "spanking" per se and certainly don't consider it abuse or violent. Teaching a child to respond to conflict with violence is obviously not a good life lesson.

I understand this, what you are saying.

I am not talking about this type of discipline.

But more along the lines of a kiddo who may be some what violent, in manners or speech.  And the consequences to such behavior is more violence towards them. 

To me it seems like that would just teach the child that violence is an acceptable way to "deal with" people who upset him. It would perpetuate the violence rather than curb it.

Carpy
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:09 PM
2 moms liked this
My son had a few swats to his ass. They were hardly beatings and he has turned out fine. One of the swats was for setting an old outhouse converted to a tool shed on fire while playing with matches. He laughs about it now.
ashellbell
by shellbark on May. 13, 2013 at 3:11 PM
In the scenario in the OP, it would seem contradictory. Getting angry and hitting for hitting doesn't seem useful.
AlekD
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:13 PM

O_O

Oh my gosh!

Yeah, I am pretty anti-spanking but I can't say for certain that I wouldn't respond as you did had my kid set fire to something. How old was he?

Quoting Carpy:

My son had a few swats to his ass. They were hardly beatings and he has turned out fine. One of the swats was for setting an old outhouse converted to a tool shed on fire while playing with matches. He laughs about it now.


FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on May. 13, 2013 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I've swatted my girls on their bottoms very few times when they were young.

Other than that, I can't imagine using any type of violence to show them not to be violent.  What would that teach them?

Outside of having to defend yourself, which we know does happens with kids, I will never understand how some feel it is appropriate to show violence towards some one, as a way to deter them, discipline or punish them, when the actions, or words, are violent in nature.  How do you expect some one to truly understand their own violent ways are unacceptable when you are doing the same thing?

AlekD
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:23 PM
2 moms liked this

I get the impression that the people who do violence to their kids do so, not out of a true desire to reform them or discipline them to be better, but out of desperation and loss of control (over both their child and themselves) It's a power-play, not even an attempt to instill discipline.

Quoting FromAtoZ:

I've swatted my girls on their bottoms very few times when they were young.

Other than that, I can't imagine using any type of violence to show them not to be violent.  What would that teach them?

Outside of having to defend yourself, which we knows does happens with kids, I will never understand how some feel it is appropriate to show violence towards some one, as a way to deter them, discipline or punish them, when the actions, or words, are violent in nature.  How do you expect some one to truly understand their own violent ways are unacceptable when you are doing the same thing?


MrsImperfect
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:26 PM
I had my ass beat. I was whooped with a belt, paddle, hands. Wacked upside the head. Screamed at forced to stay in my empty room for months......sorry got carried away but my parents lack of love I suppose....I have severe anxiety issues but I think it comes from the sheltering. The whoopings made me cry but I dont think they fazed me .

My children. ...I screwed up so bad with my first 2. I whooped. Not to the extreme I was but I did it. Only thing it did was break theyre spirit I think. I eventually figured out I was screwing them up. I stopped. Found better ways and it works so much better. Especially for their psyche. 10 yrs later I have another. I whopped her butt lightly one time and she looked at me confused. She didnt understand. Now we dont spank and I feel I'm a better parent for it. I dont think whooping is a good idea. Sometimes extreme situations maybe....like putting another in danger.... (extreme here) maybe....but doubtful.
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