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Lesbians with kids

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:23 AM
  • 43 Replies

 Before I begin, I want to make it very clear this is not in any way a bash post, I am genuinely curious about something.

I don't personally know a lot of lesbians, this is just a story that will have some questions following it. It's just a setup to make the questions more relevant. Okay, so, My friends coworker is a lesbian, always has been without doubt. She has now been with her girlfriend for 3 years. Her girlfriend used to be in a straight marriage and has 3 children. I guess she was friends with this girl the whole time, but they didn't discuss it or pursue any relationship until after she divorced her husband. the girlfriend identifies as a lesbian, and I'm not skeptical as to whether or not she is, it just got me thinking. I have another friend who is a lesbian, and the idea of male genitalia completely freaks her out. She would never have sex with a guy. So my question is mostly targeted towards lesbians with biological children conceived by sex with a male partner. How did the children come about? (obviously some people are bi, but lesbians specifically). Was being in a relationship with a man a cover? or, was it with a man you really loved, just in a different way than you would with a female partner? I just found myself curious about this girls relationship. Like if her girlfriend knew she was lesbian the entire time and didn't want to come to terms with it, or if she didn't start out a lesbian and ended up one? I guess that seemed odd to me because I've always felt your sexual preferences start from day 1. But perhaps a sexual preference could lie dormant? so to speak? or, my other theory is that maybe this girl wasn't a lesbian by identification, but her relationship was so close with her girlfriend that her gender just didn't matter. I am genuinely interested in hearing your stories and would love to learn something new today! Any experiences you have to share are welcome!

by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
HeathersForever
by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:27 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have no answers because I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in this post.

But if I had to say I believe sexuality is more fluid for women than it is for men. And what I mean by that is you see more women are bisexual to some degree and change what their preference is than you see that happen with men. It seems to me men it is a little different.

Jack_Squat
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Maybe she is bi? I have a friend that was in a marriage and had a son. He pushed her one night to fool around with this girl. She did, and realized she was full blown lesbian. She just hadn't had the experience to confirm it. She divorced her husband and has been with her for a couple of years.

I'm sure everyone's experiences are different.
rfhsure
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:33 AM

 I've always just kind of wondered about it. because experimenting with a stright relationship is one thing. but a sexual relationship, or to go as far as a straight marriage when you are a lesbian is very different, which is why I question it. Because I just don't think a woman would generally put themselves in that type of situation if they just flat out were disgusted by sex with a man. I think in most cases, this is all speculation as I have no experience, but I'd think that maybe the woman really did just love the guy, and the sex wasn't preferential but it was tolerable? again, I have no idea.

But I can kind of see how it might make sense, I like guys, I always have. But if I met a woman unlike any other who was perfect for me in every way and wanted to pursue a relationship, I can't say I wouldn't be open to it. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with a woman, but what if I metsomeone who made me feel like no one else would make sense for me? maybe then Id'd be able to overlook it? It's an interesting thing to think about.

Quoting HeathersForever:

 I have no answers because I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in this post.

But if I had to say I believe sexuality is more fluid for women than it is for men. And what I mean by that is you see more women are bisexual to some degree and change what their preference is than you see that happen with men. It seems to me men it is a little different.

 

rfhsure
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:34 AM

 Well she doesn't identify as bi, and wasn't with a woman before her husband. But what's interesting is that she was friends with the other woman the whole time her and her husband were together. So what I wonder is maybe her preference was ambiguous more than bi. Like she was intersted in men, but maybe her relationship with her friend was so close she just developed a connection with her after the divorce and the gender just became irrelevant?

Quoting Jack_Squat:

Maybe she is bi? I have a friend that was in a marriage and had a son. He pushed her one night to fool around with this girl. She did, and realized she was full blown lesbian. She just hadn't had the experience to confirm it. She divorced her husband and has been with her for a couple of years.

I'm sure everyone's experiences are different.

 

HeathersForever
by on May. 23, 2013 at 2:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 Your second paragraph is exactly what I am talking about the difference between women and men. I felt I could almost be into my friend once, we messed around I did not really like it. But I feel if we had not approached it so fast I may have felt differently, or if I had been older or something. As it stands I consider myself a straight woman.

Quoting rfhsure:

 I've always just kind of wondered about it. because experimenting with a stright relationship is one thing. but a sexual relationship, or to go as far as a straight marriage when you are a lesbian is very different, which is why I question it. Because I just don't think a woman would generally put themselves in that type of situation if they just flat out were disgusted by sex with a man. I think in most cases, this is all speculation as I have no experience, but I'd think that maybe the woman really did just love the guy, and the sex wasn't preferential but it was tolerable? again, I have no idea.

But I can kind of see how it might make sense, I like guys, I always have. But if I met a woman unlike any other who was perfect for me in every way and wanted to pursue a relationship, I can't say I wouldn't be open to it. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with a woman, but what if I metsomeone who made me feel like no one else would make sense for me? maybe then Id'd be able to overlook it? It's an interesting thing to think about.

Quoting HeathersForever:

 I have no answers because I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in this post.

But if I had to say I believe sexuality is more fluid for women than it is for men. And what I mean by that is you see more women are bisexual to some degree and change what their preference is than you see that happen with men. It seems to me men it is a little different.

 

 

rfhsure
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:41 AM

 yeah, I think men are more likely to fake it than women. I think this woman genuinely loved her husband. I had a friend like that too. She was the coolest chick I've ever met and I felt like I might have been interested in her, but when it came to thinking of doing anything sexual with her it made me recoil every time. So it's hard to say. I think sexual preference is actually nonexistant in a sense. I think all humans are capable of bisexuality, some more than others. I definitely identify as straight. But in the case of the couple I wrote about I just find their relationship very intersting. They're a great couple, perfect for eachother and very happy together. And the girlfriend is nice, I just don't think she'd fake out her husband, I mean they had 3 kids. so I just wonder if she maybe thought she was straight but wasn't? Or didn't realize she was a lesbian until the relationship she has now? Because as it stands now, she says she would never have sex with a man again. I found that very interesting.

Quoting HeathersForever:

 Your second paragraph is exactly what I am talking about the difference between women and men. I felt I could almost be into my friend once, we messed around I did not really like it. But I feel if we had not approached it so fast I may have felt differently, or if I had been older or something. As it stands I consider myself a straight woman.

Quoting rfhsure:

 I've always just kind of wondered about it. because experimenting with a stright relationship is one thing. but a sexual relationship, or to go as far as a straight marriage when you are a lesbian is very different, which is why I question it. Because I just don't think a woman would generally put themselves in that type of situation if they just flat out were disgusted by sex with a man. I think in most cases, this is all speculation as I have no experience, but I'd think that maybe the woman really did just love the guy, and the sex wasn't preferential but it was tolerable? again, I have no idea.

But I can kind of see how it might make sense, I like guys, I always have. But if I met a woman unlike any other who was perfect for me in every way and wanted to pursue a relationship, I can't say I wouldn't be open to it. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with a woman, but what if I metsomeone who made me feel like no one else would make sense for me? maybe then Id'd be able to overlook it? It's an interesting thing to think about.

Quoting HeathersForever:

 I have no answers because I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in this post.

But if I had to say I believe sexuality is more fluid for women than it is for men. And what I mean by that is you see more women are bisexual to some degree and change what their preference is than you see that happen with men. It seems to me men it is a little different.

 

 

 

Jack_Squat
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:42 AM
Perhaps. Who knows? Like I said, I'm sure everyone's experiences are different.

As a pp said, women seem to be more inclined to go both ways. I haven't ever met a woman who can honestly say they have never been turned on by the thought of another woman. Just depends on how strong that attraction, plus emotional connection is for an actual relationship to emerge.


Quoting rfhsure:

 Well she doesn't identify as bi, and wasn't with a woman before her husband. But what's interesting is that she was friends with the other woman the whole time her and her husband were together. So what I wonder is maybe her preference was ambiguous more than bi. Like she was intersted in men, but maybe her relationship with her friend was so close she just developed a connection with her after the divorce and the gender just became irrelevant?


Quoting Jack_Squat:

Maybe she is bi? I have a friend that was in a marriage and had a son. He pushed her one night to fool around with this girl. She did, and realized she was full blown lesbian. She just hadn't had the experience to confirm it. She divorced her husband and has been with her for a couple of years.

I'm sure everyone's experiences are different.

 


MessedUpMama
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:52 AM
1 mom liked this

The one lesbian woman I know who had at one time been married to a man, and had children with him, told me that she had been in denial. She refused to admit to herself that she was a lesbian. She didn't like sex with her husband, she loved him very much. Eventually she realized that while she did love him, she wasn't "in love" with him.  Even then it took her years to realize that she was sexually attracted to women. She talked to her DH and they decided to divorce, she said that he deserved to find a woman who could love him as she never could, and he wanted her to be happy.

She was the "Best Woman" at his wedding, and he is the God Father of the child she and her Wife adopted.

I've heard several storied similar, mostly without such a happy ending though. Both lesbians and gay men say that they were in denial. Sometimes it's because of religion, sometimes it's because of a lot of hate directed toward gays in their area, and sometimes they just thought they had to do things that way. Marry someone of the opposite sex and have children. Even if their life wasn't really happy, even if they didn't enjoy the sex, they just assumed that they were born with a low sex drive or something like that.

rfhsure
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:54 AM

 that's interesting! What a great ending to that story though. Sounds like a wonderful man to support his wife like that, even under those circumstances. I just can't imagine going through that though! Being married to someone you straight up don't like sex with! ugh :/

Quoting MessedUpMama:

The one lesbian woman I know who had at one time been married to a man, and had children with him, told me that she had been in denial. She refused to admit to herself that she was a lesbian. She didn't like sex with her husband, she loved him very much. Eventually she realized that while she did love him, she wasn't "in love" with him.  Even then it took her years to realize that she was sexually attracted to women. She talked to her DH and they decided to divorce, she said that he deserved to find a woman who could love him as she never could, and he wanted her to be happy.

She was the "Best Woman" at his wedding, and he is the God Father of the child she and her Wife adopted.

I've heard several storied similar, mostly without such a happy ending though. Both lesbians and gay men say that they were in denial. Sometimes it's because of religion, sometimes it's because of a lot of hate directed toward gays in their area, and sometimes they just thought they had to do things that way. Marry someone of the opposite sex and have children. Even if their life wasn't really happy, even if they didn't enjoy the sex, they just assumed that they were born with a low sex drive or something like that.

 

xredstarsx
by on May. 23, 2013 at 3:01 AM
I would say denial. Even if she strongly knew she liked women, she might have still wanted the whole marriage, kids, white picket fence thing. She might have found a man that made her happy at the time and she settled so she could have that life. But then realised she was becoming bitter and resentful by denying her true feelings.
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