The other post (about the alcoholic who caused an accident) got me thinking (scary, I know, lol).
My father was/is an alcoholic. I would classify him as "highly functioning". I've heard from others that there is no such thing as a highly functioning alcoholic.
I know from family, in my adult years, that my father always had a drinking problem. I didn't realize he was an alcoholic until he told me so, well into my teen years. He was an exemplary father, although his marriages were less than stellar. He coached my soccer teams, came to my gym meets, tucked me into bed; was always available to talk, to cuddle, etc. He never drove when he'd been drinking, never drank until after dinner - and only then if we didn't have some place to be (like a soccer game, dinner out, errands, etc). His drinking never, ever interfered with his work and he was always up bright and early to leave for work, never drank while working. Our needs always came before his drinking. He was never violent (I was never even spanked as a child, although my wild child younger sister was).
He did always drink, every night, at some point. Now looking back, I remember him being "goofy" well into the evening, every evening, but it never stopped him from being a fantastic father.
He still drinks.
I'm okay with that.
He's an adult, his choices do not impact those around him (he has made sure of this; he realizes he is addicted to drinking and how to be safe about it; he simply has no desire to change it). I'm sure that these safety nets were sheer dumb luck on some level though, lol.
Others have expressed surprise that I'm "okay" with my father being an alcoholic. That I should be beating down his doors begging him to stop.
So what say you ladies? Is it ever okay to just let an alcoholic "be"?
I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol). Aimee
I think if the person has a drinking problem, regardless of how well they function in their daily life, they need help.
My late father was a sober alcoholic. IE....there would never have been a time during his life that he could drink again and have the tailspin of his disease NOT start over.
I do not remember my dad's drinking. He quit when I was a baby and my Mom put her foot down with basically a, "Us (myself, my Mom and my two sister's, his step-children) or the bottle."
He chose wisely.
My husband had a drinking problem until I basically did the same thing. He liked his beer entirely TOO much that it became mood and personality altering.
I filed for divorce back in 2003. This was evidently the start of a wake-up call for him. I never signed the final paperwork for the divorce and we're still married, quite happily than before (now and for the past 8 years).
I discovered in 2005, that he was still drinking. I was going to leave him and leave Arizona entirely with our two minor age youngest children.
He stopped and has not gone back to any form of alcohol.
To me and just based on my experiences with loved ones, I'm not so sure true alcoholism is about the amount of alcohol consumed in one sitting as much as it is the actual NEED for the alcohol, how often that need comes up in their lives and how it affects them when they don't have it as much as when they do.
Quoting Cafe Steph:I think if the person has a drinking problem, regardless of how well they function in their daily life, they need help.
But why? If they are happy with it, and their drinking in no way negatively effects others... why?
As we all know, you can't force help.
I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol). Aimee
My father acts far more drunk when he hasn't been drinking, but is over tired, lol. It really IS weird.
Quoting kidlover2:
My mother acts like an alcoholic but she doesn't drink... I can't really explain it. It's very weird. You would swear sometimes she was drunk.
I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol). Aimee
It was not ok for me. I was also a high functioning alcoholic . I worked full time and limited (mostly) my drinking for late night. There's nothing you can do to change an alcoholic anyways, so why try?
Quoting AutymsMommy:
Quoting Cafe Steph:I think if the person has a drinking problem, regardless of how well they function in their daily life, they need help.
But why? If they are happy with it, and their drinking in no way negatively effects others... why?
As we all know, you can't force help.
I do not know but I live with one. Of course he doesnt agree with me.
Yesterday our son drove us to a family gathering. I knew he would leave when my son said time to go. It only took 15 minutes to get him to leave. I could tell my son was getting agitated. He has a very low tolerance for his dad's antics. I was annoyed as hell, but said nothing as arguing with him does nothing except agitate me.
I wish he would do something about it, because I really do believe its going to kill him. But until he decides they're is an issue, it won't change.
I think it's his own responsibility and own choice. You have the right to express concern, but if he's a functioning adult, it's on him to change, or not.
WTF? Is he dead or meditating?
- AutymsMommy
on May. 27, 2013 at 9:44 AM