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Shaming? Is it discipline or abuse?

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Is making a child stand on a corner holding up a sign like this really an acceptable form of discipline or does it cross the line into abuse?

This is an old image, but I've seen stories like this all over the place and my dad even passed one when he was traveling through GA last week.



by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:16 AM
Replies (41-47):
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:35 PM

I think that for some kids shaming is effective

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:35 AM

 If my parents had done that to me it would have caused more problems, I can promise you.  I would have felt the need to recover some of my lost face and would have acted out.  And I was a GOOD teenager.  Public humiliation would have crossed a line for me.

Every kid is different, and I wouldn't say this is abuse, but I don't think its right or effective.  I think a lot of the trouble parents have with teenagers is due to the fact that parents try to bully their kids into submission from the time they're little and never cultivate a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.  This is so disrespectful to your teenagers.

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:38 AM

 I thought that dude went way overboard.  It was funny to watch, and obviously I think that girl was a huge brat and needed a dose of reality, but I felt like the dad was reacting out of anger instead of trying to teach his daughter a valuable life lesson. 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 It's a desperate move...and probably not all that effective most of the time.  But not abuse.

I'd make an exception to my above opinion for the guy from North Carolina who, last year, posted a rebuttal to his daughters bratty and disrespectful facebook posts.  You remember the one where he shot the child's laptop 8 times?  I think that was a perfectly natural consequence.

 

samurai_chica
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:44 AM

Abuse is strong...

But, i do think it can help diminish confidense & instill shame for the long haul in a child.

I would use a smarter method of descipline.

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:47 AM

 I agree that allowing a child to feel shame for their actions is vital to learning to live and thrive in society.  Trying to FORCE a child to feel ashamed  is just going to further break the trust and cause them to respect their parents less.  It certainly would have for me. 

Shame is a perfectly natural emotion and is valuable.  I shamed myself several times growing up, learning to keep my temper in check, learning to treat others with respect.  But it was always a private emotion.  My parents would talk to me about it and I would realize "Oh wow, that was really bad and I regret it" and then I would never do that again.  If they had taken pictures of my deep emotions and life lessons and posted them all over the Internet I wouldn't have learned those lessons, I'd have projected my shame on them in anger and rebelled.

I use myself as an example because my kids are 5 and 3 lol.  I always try to put myself in their shoes before disciplining them.

Quoting katy_kay08:

I think there is a fine line of when shame crosses the line, but I do feel that the more recent parenting trends of praising everything a child does and avoiding any hint of shame in their choices has lead to a generation of over indulged children lacking empathy and personal accountability.  

I think a little shame when it's due isn't such a bad thing.  IMO, feeling a bit of shame helps to remind us to make better choices in the future.  

 

SilverSterling
by MrsSilverusSnape on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:08 AM

He was in Texas I thought not NC.. I know he wasnt in NC that I am sure of... are we talking about the guy who shot his daughters Laptop?

Quoting Bieg9093:

 It's a desperate move...and probably not all that effective most of the time.  But not abuse.

I'd make an exception to my above opinion for the guy from North Carolina who, last year, posted a rebuttal to his daughters bratty and disrespectful facebook posts.  You remember the one where he shot the child's laptop 8 times?  I think that was a perfectly natural consequence.

 


"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few... Who possess, the predisposition... I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death." —Professor Snape


Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM
I don't think it's abuse. I would never do it and I don't think it's okay. I would never shame my dd's. so far, I have found talking to,them works well.
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