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Interesting Observations

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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One could say this is sort of a spin off of the successful/unsuccessful post.  Bear with me.

I went to visit my best friend this last Saturday.  We've known each other since high school (20 yrs this Sept).  We were talking about our main circle of friends we ran with while in high school.  We're all friends on FB, but her and I are the only ones who communicate with each other.  We started talking about how our lives have turned out.  Her and I are the only ones who ended up somewhat successful, her more so than me, LOL.

The two other friends, whom I saw just a few months ago, are still struggling a great deal.  And from my observations, they just seemed to have settled into that life thinking that is all they can accomplish.  No attempts whatsoever to better themselves.

Best friend and I came from very different socio-economic backgrounds.  She was raised by a single dad and they barely made ends meet.  I came from a middle class family.  The two other friends were similar, one raised in poverty and the other came from middle class.

So how is it that Jen and I are doing well while they're doing so poorly?  We all had similar personalities, similiar interests.  We all had similar dreams and aspirations.

Jen's theory: supportive families.  While in terms of financial status, our families may have been different, but in terms of emotional support, they were very similar.  Her dad was pretty lax, but a very gentle soul and his advice could be seen as gospel.  And he helped in whatever ways he could.  My parents were more hard assed and quicker to voice a less than stellar opinion of things, but still pulled through to help me when I needed it. 

The other two?  Were treated like burdens by their families.  No support whatsoever.  I swear they were greeted with packed bags the day of their high school graduation.  And that is just the tip of the iceburg.  I could say so much more, but I won't.  Their families were the poster children for toxic.

Maybe if they'd have more faith in themselves, it would be different.  I dunno.  But it just seems that for them, after hearing how worthless they were for so long, even through their adult years, they believe that is what they are and feel they don't deserve anything better.  

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lilangilyn
by Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:20 PM
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This is a good post. I think opportunity has something to do with it. As in being able to see and to grasp opportunity when it comes. Or believing opportunity is not for them. Sad really.

Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:24 PM
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I  think support is more important than money. I grew up poor but never knew it. My parents told me I could do anything I wanted, my Dad died when I was 29 and in nursing school. I really wish he could see me now. My parents were very supportive.

snookyfritz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:46 PM
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Support can come from many places.  But unless it's consistent and reinforced, it definitely causes problems.  I think your story is very close to the truth

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:54 PM

My family wasn't very supportive.  My parents have their own problems.  But, even though we were poor and lived in the trash end of town, we were "culturally" middle class or even high brow, and my parents also were smart and passed their intelligence on to us.  My family did value reading, music, the arts, etc., and wherever we lived we took advantage of the library and every free concert and museum around.  I think that was the key to the success of me and my sibs--all of us have graduate degrees and professional careers.  

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Your observations are keen, and seem right on. I agree with so much of what you have posted. I was just presented with a situation from a young gal (26) who is very envious of another (31). The younger had come from a bit of money, but has continually made bad choices, and is 'nowhere'. The older one didn't grow up with all the money, but became a six-figure earner by 26.  She doesn't seem to grasp how different the parental/family support can make a difference to what they've become.

Sisteract
by Whoopie on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:15 PM

See this is why I support choice- All children should be wanted, loved and bathed in support to make and meet goals. No child should be stuck and considered an unwanted burden or kicked to the curb-

randi1978
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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Interestingly enough, I was the friend who appeared to make numerous bad choices in life (and whose family made the most money of the 4 of us).  Married someone I wouldn't give the time of day now.  Married young (22).  Had a child when we were in no financial position to do so (no PA, but we struggled living paycheck to paycheck).  Stayed when I realized our lives were going nowhere and he was ok with it.  Stayed even though I realized the relationship wasn't healthy.  Our daughter was 3 yrs old and I was 28 when I finally pulled my head out of my butt and realized I wanted more and did not want to get stuck in that rut.  But again, having the support of my family made a great deal of difference. 

Quoting EireLass:

Your observations are keen, and seem right on. I agree with so much of what you have posted. I was just presented with a situation from a young gal (26) who is very envious of another (31). The younger had come from a bit of money, but has continually made bad choices, and is 'nowhere'. The older one didn't grow up with all the money, but became a six-figure earner by 26.  She doesn't seem to grasp how different the parental/family support can make a difference to what they've become.


stormcris
by Christy on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:19 PM

It makes a huge difference.

turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:25 PM

I was bought up in a family cocoon of love and laughter....where being happy was of the utmost.  My siblings and I are all financially stable...but with no intention of being more successful (work wise) or richer.  

It has been hard lessons for our other halfs to understand that the rainy day may never come...with our type of thinking life is one big roller coaster...but even at its darkest family can pull you right up :-)

randi1978
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:25 PM

I think in some cases, even with minimal support or no support, it can drive the kids to push themselves further.  If they have access to the right tools, of course. 

Quoting momtoscott:

My family wasn't very supportive.  My parents have their own problems.  But, even though we were poor and lived in the trash end of town, we were "culturally" middle class or even high brow, and my parents also were smart and passed their intelligence on to us.  My family did value reading, music, the arts, etc., and wherever we lived we took advantage of the library and every free concert and museum around.  I think that was the key to the success of me and my sibs--all of us have graduate degrees and professional careers.  


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