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That's how the Fight Started - Saturday Funnies

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:46 AM
  • 24 Replies
3 moms liked this


My wife and I      were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I      turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she      answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


... She didn't      even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd      like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight      started...


________________________________


I took my wife to      a restaurant.


The waiter, for some reason, took my order      first.


"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't      you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for      herself."


And that's when the fight      started.....


_____________________________


My wife and I were      sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a      drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby      table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's      my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split      up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober      since."


"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go      on
celebrating that long?"


And then the fight      started...


________________________________


When our lawn      mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get      it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first,      the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to      me.


Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I      arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping      away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short      time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I      came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.


I said, "When you finish      cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."


The      doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a      limp.


_____________________________


My wife sat down next to      me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said,      "Dust."


And then the fight      started...


________________________________


Saturday morning I      got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the      garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into      a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back      into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the      weather
would be bad all day.


I went back into the house, quietly      undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now      with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is      terrible."


My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe      my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"


And that's how the fight      started...


_______________________________


My wife was hinting      about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want      something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."


I bought      her a bathroom scale.


And then the fight      started......


______________________________


After retiring, I      went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The      woman behind the counter asked me


for my driver's License to verify      my age. I looked in my pockets


and realized I had left my wallet at      home. I told the woman that


I was very sorry, but I would have to go      home and come back later.


The woman said, 'Unbutton your      shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.


She      said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she      processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I      excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security      office.


She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might      have gotten disability too.'


And then the fight      started...


________________________________


My wife was      standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She was not happy with      what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.      I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'


I replied, "Your      eyesight's damn near perfect."


And then the fight      started........


________________________________


I rear-ended      a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!


The driver got      out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I      am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'


That's      how the fight started.


________________________________


One      year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas      gift...


The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me      why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last      year!"


And that's how the fight started.=
 
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
stormcris
by Christy on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM

LOL

Rbrown72707
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:52 AM

LOL!  Thanks for the laugh!

stringtheory
by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
2 moms liked this
Lol, the last one is my fave
candlegal
by Judy on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:56 AM

I love that one too, lol

Quoting stringtheory:

Lol, the last one is my fave


fireangel5
by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Great start to the day!! Thanks for the laughs

candlegal
by Judy on Aug. 17, 2013 at 1:36 PM

You are more than welcome

Quoting fireangel5:

Great start to the day!! Thanks for the laughs


Della529
by Matlock on Aug. 17, 2013 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Belly laughs!

Euphoric
by Bazinga! on Aug. 17, 2013 at 7:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 lol

TimetoMomUp
by Runt on Aug. 17, 2013 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Hilarious!  

Peanutx3
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM
1 mom liked this
LOL
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