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Here is a WWYD situation................. *EDIT*

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:58 PM
  • 45 Replies

Your kiddo is an adult.  Has three kids of her own.  Always been a bit irresponsible.  Always has put some guy before the kids.  Not seeing the potential in herself.

She loses home number 4 because she just cannot budget and put the kids first.  She moves in with you, with the kiddos.  You do this more for the kids than her.  Eventually, she loses her job and the dad(s) seek custody, with it being granted.

You still try to help her by letting her stay there, provided she take the necessary steps to get herself and her life in order.  Instead, she takes full advantage of the situation, lies, cheats, uses your name and attempts to steal from you.  She moves out to move in with some guy.  

She's now addicted to oxy.  When you find this out you make another attempt to help her.  You offer to pay for her to go to rehab.  First step in turning things around.  She refuses.  

Time goes by and you hear nothing from her.  She has no phone, you haven't a clue where she is.  Then she makes contact, using some one's phone to text you.  She is telling you her problems are your fault.  You failed to force her in to rehab.   Once again, you don't hear from her.

You get a call from a known drug dealer.  Her drug dealer.  He tells you she is so far off the map that even he is concerned.  She is literally whoring herself out for money in order to buy her drugs.  He has cut her off but fears she may find some other, less kind, dealer who will take her in.  He tells you she will die, one way or another.  You must find her and help her.

What do you think you would do at this point?

~~~~~~~~

Oh no, this is not about me or mine.  I should have added that but I thought most of you knew my oldest only has 1 kiddo.  Not three.  Thank goodness!  lol

I posted this because I wanted to see what you ladies think you might do.

This situation is real but it does not involve any one I know personally.  I've met the girl a few times but I do not know her. The girl is the daughter of a friend of a friend.  I've heard her story for the past several years and I have held my friend while she cried for her, was angry at her and her parents and well, I have just been a support, so to speak.

Her parents have tried every thing they can, short of physically carrying her off to rehab.

At this point, from what I understand, they have told the drug dealer, who called them, that they will back him in his attempt to get her to go to rehab but they will not pay any money towards it.  

All I can think of is this was one of my own children, which I strongly doubt will ever be the case but we all know one never knows.  If a damn drug dealer is calling you, taking that risk, and telling your child will die I think I would be out there looking for her and finding some way to indeed physically taking her some where for help.  Although I am less than clear on how that would even work.

I could never turn my back on my child but at the same time, when does one run out of options and the 'adult' in the child must be forced to reach the surface?  

If this was one of my own and she died, even if at her own hand, so to speak, i think I would carry some type of guilt with me forever.


by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Rebecca7708
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM
You've tried. Unless she comes to you and asks for help, there isn't anything you can do.
jllcali
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd look for her and try to get her involuntarily committed for rehab
PeeperSqueak5
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Give it to God. Sorry if you are experiencing this......: (  Praying

desertlvn
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:05 PM
I honestly don't know. That is so heartbreaking. I think I'd think deeply and try to figure out what I'd regret NOT doing. Like, if I did nothing I think I'd have regrets. If I enabled I'd have regrets. I might stage an intervention and set up rehab so if she accepts the help it is available. After that last effort I'd probably close the door on her.

I'm so so so sorry!
momtoscott
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:08 PM

It sounds like there is no good move possible.  I'm very sorry if this is you or someone close to you.  

I have no idea what I would do.  I think as an adult, at some point she has to make her own choices and take some responsibiity, but that's impossible to do if she's not thinking clearly.  It doesn't sound like she's capable of using your (the you of the OP at any rate) home as a haven, as there's so much anger and blame from her towards you and no way for you to trust her.  Is there any social service or church worker you could contact to use as a go-between or to help her find resources to get her into a more positive living situation?   

DonnaNoble
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:11 PM
I would try to find her. If this is your story, I hope you do the same, and wish you the best of luck.
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lizzielouaf
by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I would try and find her and have her committed to a treatment facility. I'm a firm believer in tough love but if her life were literally at risk I'd seek her out. Because in the above scenario we aren't talking about not covering some bounced checks or making a car payment, her life is in danger. 

katy_kay08
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:23 PM

I would seek therapy to find out why I kept enabling her over and over again.  

prommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:26 PM

 

Quoting jllcali:

I'd look for her and try to get her involuntarily committed for rehab

 This. Sorry for your pain, I hope you and she can find some peace.

kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:29 PM
I would file for custody for her children and then I would try to convince her to go to rehab. If she chooses not to I would cry and let it go. You can't save people from themselves.
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