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Wedding denied because Preacher didn't like her dress!

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Do you think he was within his rights to refuse to perform her ceremony? Should he have been required to provide a written 'dress code' or has common sense just gone out the window?

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Houston pastor refuses to marry couple over bride’s dress

Opinion


An angry black woman

A Houston pastor refused to marry a couple in his church, because he didn’t find the bride’s dress to be appropriate.

Lisa Washington showed up to the storefront church she’d rented for her wedding ceremony in a nontraditional wedding gown — a cleavage baring white halter dress that skimmed her bottom. “I’m a unique person,” Washington toldAmericanPreachers.com, explaining her risqué choice. “I chose this dress because it’s different than the traditional wedding gown you see at every wedding,” she said.

“Where is the other half of the dress?” 

Unfortunately, the church’s pastor, Apostle Michael Canty, wasn’t impressed by her lack of convention. The family says that on the day of the wedding, the pastor saw the racy gown an hour before the wedding and asked Washington, “where is the other half of the dress?” The family thought the minister was joking. He was not. Thirty minutes later, the minister sent a church official back to the family to request that the bride cover her cleavage and add length to the dress.

The bride, of course, was not able to alter the dress at the last minute, so the pastor refused to perform the ceremony.  Relatives pleaded with him to change his mind to no avail. One family member, a minister, offered to perform the ceremony, an offer the pastor flatly refused.

I offer my sympathy to the bride, who is undoubtedly mortified that her wedding did not take place as planned. However, she chose to be married in a church, and most churches have rules – unwritten or not—on what is appropriate attire for functions that take place in God’s house.

Washington’s “gown” wasn’t an on-the-fence outfit, the likes of what gospel singers Yolanda Adams and Mary Mary are sometimes criticized for wearing. It was in the vein of what Beyonce’ called a “freakum dress,” at it was way over the line for what a reasonable person would consider acceptable for a church event. I was raised as a church girl and I know that you show respect in the house of Lord.

Whose fault is it?

I don’t fault the pastor for upholding and enforcing the widely-understood standards of what is suitable for church.

I do, however, find fault with the pastor for not providing Washington, who was not a church member, with a general list of rules for what is and is not acceptable in his church. Washington’s choice of attire for a church wedding leads to me to believe that, though she desired to be married in a church, she may not have spent a lot of or any time in one previously. What is appropriate for a church function is clearly not common knowledge and as the pastor allows non-members to rent the space and the pastor performs ceremonies for non-members, the onus is on him to make sure clients know what is and is not acceptable at the church.

That’s doubly important as the pastor reserves the right to refuse to perform a ceremony because he doesn’t find the clothing acceptable.

Miscommunication causes mayhem

The pastor evidently did not cross his clichéd “t’s,” if the bride showed up to the church in club attire. Perhaps instead of devastating the couple and their family members, he could have offered the bride a robe, or cover-up of some kind to meet his desire to have her more covered and she could have been married.  That would have been an happy-ish ending.

Unfortunately, the poor communication on the pastor’s end and the absence of any negotiation despite not providing a list of rules led to a desolate couple and angry family members — who traveled to a wedding that didn’t happen. The pastor has his moral high ground, but at the time of AmericanPreachers.com’s story, the bride still didn’t have her groom.

All because the pastor didn’t like a dress.

 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
Its.me.Sam.
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:35 PM
3 moms liked this

because we all know that exposed shoulders bring forth the devil. ;p


Quoting Woodbabe:

I know many churches still require your shoulders to be covered for the ceremony in the church.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.




Sisteract
by Whoopie on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this

She showed up for her church wedding in that beach wear?

Come on-

Why not have a beach wedding if you want to wear something like that, unique taste or not?

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:36 PM
3 moms liked this

Its about appropriate attire to show respect in a house of worship. 

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

because we all know that exposed shoulders bring forth the devil. ;p


Quoting Woodbabe:

I know many churches still require your shoulders to be covered for the ceremony in the church.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.





 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

tanyainmizzou
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:36 PM

And my opinion is he was right not to marry someone who he didn't feel was appropriate for the church.   If she was really religious, she would already have a church to get married.   But she didn't.  So all she needed to do was go to the reception place and have the minister relative perform the ceremony there.

She still got married.  She just doesn't have a right to get married in his church in whatever she chooses to wear if he finds it inappropriate.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

i dont care.  lol.
my pinion is that he is a judgmental person and he put his own opinions above those of the people who were getting married.  its petty. he wanted her covered up because of his OWN feelings about the degree of discomfort with how revealing it was.  SHE was getting married and SHE like the dress.  i repeat.. he felt like his own feelings trumped hers on HER special day so he punished her by not performing the wedding.  petty.


Quoting tanyainmizzou:

And it is his church, one where she isn't even a member.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.





Chris030406
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:38 PM
Yep. While I'm not religious, rules are rules. And those are the rules of that church.


Quoting Woodbabe:

I know many churches still require your shoulders to be covered for the ceremony in the church.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.



Chris030406
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Vegas! Lol!


Quoting Sisteract:

She showed up for her church wedding in that beach wear?

Come on-

Why not have a beach wedding if you want to wear something like that, unique taste or not?


Its.me.Sam.
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:43 PM

i dunno... i dont do the church thing and i find it all ridiculous.  its her day.... if she wasnt told that there was no 'dress requirements' so that she could choose a different place to marry then i think thats just messed up.  but again... i think its petty of the preacher.  we dont have to agree... and i dont go to church so its not really any issue for me lol  i just feel bad for her, her day was ruined because someone didnt like her dress.  they wouldnt even let someone else perform the wedding.. i mean c'mon.  
someone i know wore a super shirt dress to her kids baptism (catholic church) and he performed it.. probably because the act of baptising was more important to him that the garb of the mother. 


Quoting Woodbabe:

Its about appropriate attire to show respect in a house of worship. 

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

because we all know that exposed shoulders bring forth the devil. ;p


Quoting Woodbabe:

I know many churches still require your shoulders to be covered for the ceremony in the church.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.







terpmama
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:45 PM

I want to see the dress

loveutiltheend
by Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:47 PM
If the pastor did not tell her what she wasn't allowed to wear then in my opinion he's an a**hole
Sisteract
by Whoopie on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:48 PM


Quoting terpmama:

I want to see the dress

click on the highlighted  words wedding dress in the text.

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