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Wedding denied because Preacher didn't like her dress!

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Do you think he was within his rights to refuse to perform her ceremony? Should he have been required to provide a written 'dress code' or has common sense just gone out the window?

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Houston pastor refuses to marry couple over bride’s dress

Opinion


An angry black woman

A Houston pastor refused to marry a couple in his church, because he didn’t find the bride’s dress to be appropriate.

Lisa Washington showed up to the storefront church she’d rented for her wedding ceremony in a nontraditional wedding gown — a cleavage baring white halter dress that skimmed her bottom. “I’m a unique person,” Washington toldAmericanPreachers.com, explaining her risqué choice. “I chose this dress because it’s different than the traditional wedding gown you see at every wedding,” she said.

“Where is the other half of the dress?” 

Unfortunately, the church’s pastor, Apostle Michael Canty, wasn’t impressed by her lack of convention. The family says that on the day of the wedding, the pastor saw the racy gown an hour before the wedding and asked Washington, “where is the other half of the dress?” The family thought the minister was joking. He was not. Thirty minutes later, the minister sent a church official back to the family to request that the bride cover her cleavage and add length to the dress.

The bride, of course, was not able to alter the dress at the last minute, so the pastor refused to perform the ceremony.  Relatives pleaded with him to change his mind to no avail. One family member, a minister, offered to perform the ceremony, an offer the pastor flatly refused.

I offer my sympathy to the bride, who is undoubtedly mortified that her wedding did not take place as planned. However, she chose to be married in a church, and most churches have rules – unwritten or not—on what is appropriate attire for functions that take place in God’s house.

Washington’s “gown” wasn’t an on-the-fence outfit, the likes of what gospel singers Yolanda Adams and Mary Mary are sometimes criticized for wearing. It was in the vein of what Beyonce’ called a “freakum dress,” at it was way over the line for what a reasonable person would consider acceptable for a church event. I was raised as a church girl and I know that you show respect in the house of Lord.

Whose fault is it?

I don’t fault the pastor for upholding and enforcing the widely-understood standards of what is suitable for church.

I do, however, find fault with the pastor for not providing Washington, who was not a church member, with a general list of rules for what is and is not acceptable in his church. Washington’s choice of attire for a church wedding leads to me to believe that, though she desired to be married in a church, she may not have spent a lot of or any time in one previously. What is appropriate for a church function is clearly not common knowledge and as the pastor allows non-members to rent the space and the pastor performs ceremonies for non-members, the onus is on him to make sure clients know what is and is not acceptable at the church.

That’s doubly important as the pastor reserves the right to refuse to perform a ceremony because he doesn’t find the clothing acceptable.

Miscommunication causes mayhem

The pastor evidently did not cross his clichéd “t’s,” if the bride showed up to the church in club attire. Perhaps instead of devastating the couple and their family members, he could have offered the bride a robe, or cover-up of some kind to meet his desire to have her more covered and she could have been married.  That would have been an happy-ish ending.

Unfortunately, the poor communication on the pastor’s end and the absence of any negotiation despite not providing a list of rules led to a desolate couple and angry family members — who traveled to a wedding that didn’t happen. The pastor has his moral high ground, but at the time of AmericanPreachers.com’s story, the bride still didn’t have her groom.

All because the pastor didn’t like a dress.

 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:24 PM
Replies (41-50):
Mommabearbergh
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:19 PM
With the title of apostle I can tell she desired to be married in a apostolic church and with that comes the doctrine they follow. I would have been mad if I were the bride but one would think your getting married in a house of worship even if its a rented store front she needs to dress appropriatly.
jllcali
by Jane on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:21 PM
1 mom liked this
If he makes his services available to the public, the right thing to do, at the very least, would have been to inform his customers that he had the final say in proper attire in his facility, and that he would refuse to perform his contracted services if he felt his customers and guests were not outfitted properly. Ideally, he would provide a dress code.
tanyainmizzou
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:21 PM

She could have sent someone out to get her a white wrap and a white skirt.

It's Houston in the summer.  White clothes are going to be everywhere.

RandRMomma
by Maya on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:21 PM
He's the dick because he could have said: "hey, our church has a 'dress code'" BEFORE they even booked the church as their venue. That's what makes him the dick. He decided to inform the wedding party about this "dress code" a couple of hours before the wedding, and all because he personally didn't like what she had on. That was a dick move.

It's not up to her to ask. When a venue has rules, they have to inform the customers ahead of time. She doesn't attend their church. That doesn't mean that she doesn't attend any church.

How Christian like of you to call a woman you don't know a "bitch." So, she's "entitled" because she wanted to use the venue that she PAID for for her wedding, when the dick of a pastor informed her that he didn't like her gown TWO HOURS BEFORE the START of the wedding. This means she had a wedding party, and GUESTS to get to another venue on the day of her wedding; something she had been planning for Bob knows how long.

If anything, the pastor is the one that's inconsiderate. You're letting your Christian faith cloud your judgement. You aren't being objective at all.


Quoting billsfan1104:

Why does he have to be the dick? Maybe he assumed that she would be respectful, when coming into someone else's "home". She should at the very least, asked if it was appropriate or what his guidelines are. It shouldn't be up to a preacher to tell brides not to dress like a whore. Especially when she doesn't even attend church.

This is just another entitled bitch, who thinks she gets to do whatever she wants without any consideration of anyone else




Quoting RandRMomma:

He's an asshole. He should have given her the rules BEFORE she paid to use his church for the wedding. I hope she got a refund. As far as the dress goes, I've seen worse on TV. I have NEVER heard of someone doing something like this. What a dick.
RandRMomma
by Maya on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:22 PM
Exactly.

Quoting jllcali:

If he makes his services available to the public, the right thing to do, at the very least, would have been to inform his customers that he had the final say in proper attire in his facility, and that he would refuse to perform his contracted services if he felt his customers and guests were not outfitted properly. Ideally, he would provide a dress code.
RandRMomma
by Maya on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:23 PM
I'm reminded of the scripture that says "come as you are." Jesus never had a dress code.

Quoting krysstizzle:

Because god has a dress code, dammit! Doesn't anyone remember that part of the good book, Saint Apostalate 34:67: And god said unto the scantily clad woman, Go home and change you whore, I didn't give you that body just for you to let everyone see your damn legs. Cover up, and make me a sammich while you're at it!

*wipes tear* My favorite book. 

Mommy_of_Riley
by Jes on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:26 PM
First of all I just looked at the dress and EEKKKK! Eww.

Secondly... She wasn't a member of the church so she didn't know the "rules" I guess but most churches if not all have some sort of dress code.
I was married in a Catholic Church but it was my Parish and I knew the rules. Our Priest would tell the brides asking to be married there that he didn't want to see "boobs, butt, or bare legs"... LOL!
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billsfan1104
by Jules on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:26 PM
What does me being Christian have to do with anything and its not clouding my judgement or my stance on this?
Most people respectful of churches. So that know that they dont dress like a stripper, when going to church, wedding, funeral and baptism. Maybe her church she can go and dress like a whore, an if she could of, she should of went to HER church and got married.
The Pastor is not wrong. He has every right to refuse service.


Quoting RandRMomma:

He's the dick because he could have said: "hey, our church has a 'dress code'" BEFORE they even booked the church as their venue. That's what makes him the dick. He decided to inform the wedding party about this "dress code" a couple of hours before the wedding, and all because he personally didn't like what she had on. That was a dick move.



It's not up to her to ask. When a venue has rules, they have to inform the customers ahead of time. She doesn't attend their church. That doesn't mean that she doesn't attend any church.



How Christian like of you to call a woman you don't know a "bitch." So, she's "entitled" because she wanted to use the venue that she PAID for for her wedding, when the dick of a pastor informed her that he didn't like her gown TWO HOURS BEFORE the START of the wedding. This means she had a wedding party, and GUESTS to get to another venue on the day of her wedding; something she had been planning for Bob knows how long.



If anything, the pastor is the one that's inconsiderate. You're letting your Christian faith cloud your judgement. You aren't being objective at all.




Quoting billsfan1104:

Why does he have to be the dick? Maybe he assumed that she would be respectful, when coming into someone else's "home". She should at the very least, asked if it was appropriate or what his guidelines are. It shouldn't be up to a preacher to tell brides not to dress like a whore. Especially when she doesn't even attend church.


This is just another entitled bitch, who thinks she gets to do whatever she wants without any consideration of anyone else






Quoting RandRMomma:

He's an asshole. He should have given her the rules BEFORE she paid to use his church for the wedding. I hope she got a refund. As far as the dress goes, I've seen worse on TV. I have NEVER heard of someone doing something like this. What a dick.
Mommy_of_Riley
by Jes on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:27 PM
Yup. My dress was sleeveless and I had to being it in so my Priest could approve it :-)

Quoting Woodbabe:

I know many churches still require your shoulders to be covered for the ceremony in the church.

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

ugh.  he doesnt like the dress so he deems them unworthy of his services.  people are just self absorbed.  its HER wedding .. he is a judgy mcjudgerson.


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Mommabearbergh
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:28 PM
He was following apostolic doctrine and the dress code for women is strict. Honestly she should have researched because not every Christian sect is the same when it comes doctrine.

Quoting RandRMomma:

He's the dick because he could have said: "hey, our church has a 'dress code'" BEFORE they even booked the church as their venue. That's what makes him the dick. He decided to inform the wedding party about this "dress code" a couple of hours before the wedding, and all because he personally didn't like what she had on. That was a dick move.



It's not up to her to ask. When a venue has rules, they have to inform the customers ahead of time. She doesn't attend their church. That doesn't mean that she doesn't attend any church.



How Christian like of you to call a woman you don't know a "bitch." So, she's "entitled" because she wanted to use the venue that she PAID for for her wedding, when the dick of a pastor informed her that he didn't like her gown TWO HOURS BEFORE the START of the wedding. This means she had a wedding party, and GUESTS to get to another venue on the day of her wedding; something she had been planning for Bob knows how long.



If anything, the pastor is the one that's inconsiderate. You're letting your Christian faith cloud your judgement. You aren't being objective at all.




Quoting billsfan1104:

Why does he have to be the dick? Maybe he assumed that she would be respectful, when coming into someone else's "home". She should at the very least, asked if it was appropriate or what his guidelines are. It shouldn't be up to a preacher to tell brides not to dress like a whore. Especially when she doesn't even attend church.


This is just another entitled bitch, who thinks she gets to do whatever she wants without any consideration of anyone else






Quoting RandRMomma:

He's an asshole. He should have given her the rules BEFORE she paid to use his church for the wedding. I hope she got a refund. As far as the dress goes, I've seen worse on TV. I have NEVER heard of someone doing something like this. What a dick.
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