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FYI (if you're a teenage girl)

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FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)

 

Dear girls,

I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through your social media photos.

We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your pajamas this summer!  Your bedrooms are so cute! Our eight-year-old daughter brought this to our attention, because with three older brothers who have rooms that smell like stinky cheese, she notices girly details like that.

IMG_0293

I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.

I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout.  What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.

So, here’s the bit that I think is important for you to realize.  If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family.

Please understand this, also: we genuinely like keeping up with you. We enjoy seeing life through your unique and colorful lens – which is what makes your latest self-portrait so extremely unfortunate.

Those posts don’t reflect who you are! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our sons, just as we know your parents care about you.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it?  You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?

Neither do we.

And so, in our house, there are no second chances, ladies. If you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you try to post a sexy selfie, or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – you’ll be booted off our on-line island.

I know that sounds harsh and old-school, but that’s just the way it is under this roof for a while. We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

Every day I pray for the women my boys will love.  I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her.

IMG_9517

Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies), RUN to your accounts and take down  anything that makes it easy for your male friends to imagine you naked in your bedroom.

Will you trust me? There are boys out there waiting and hoping for women of character. Some young men are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy.

You are growing into a real beauty, inside and out.

Act like her, speak like her, post like her.

I’m glad we’re friends.

Mrs. Hall

IMG_0272FYI

Link is HERE.

What do you think of this?  

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:55 PM
Replies (21-30):
Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:50 PM
8 moms liked this
Um... Doesn't it start with Teaching your boys to respect women even if they aren't wearing what their mom thinks is okay?
Its.me.Sam.
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:51 PM
3 moms liked this


well i have a son..AND i have a daughter and i dont think of young girls (or women for that matter) as "tramps".  it is not the message i want to send to my son or my daughter.
i certainly want a quality girl for my son..but i'm not going to go around calling girls tramps because that is not how i want my son to refer to girls or view girls... once they start that kind of thinking they start making judgements that are not good for girls.  it is a bad culture.. this whole "stramp slut whore skank" thing.  VERY BAD.

Quoting romanceparty4u:


I think you're wrong----If I had sons, I'd be on "tramp" alert 24/7

And I'd be blocking tramps after their parents got the photos----

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

hmmmmm... sounds a little judgemental.. and kind of like SHE is oversexualizing them...as if a bikini pic = bad kid unworthy of her sons.
i have a grown daughter..and i have a son nearing 10.. this is not what how i would address this topic with my son, and i DID always advise my daughter that those pic stay online forever and that she needs to understand what she is representing.  but yeah..  a couple of pics dont mean a girl has no character.. and teaching your son that a girl who may pose a little on the sexy side has less character than one that doesnt may give him the idea that girls who do pose sexy are less than or somehow immoral and thats just not good for women... we all know what happens when you start with that crap.  
i did like how she said she hopes her sons will be worthy of a good woman.  but a good woman can also come in the form of a young girl who took some not so modest pics of herself in her younger years as she was discovering herself and her sexuality.
 





romanceparty4u
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:13 AM

It sure is...but the girls that perpetuate the "skank, tramp, slut, whore" thinking and culture, are as much to blame as those that choose to refer to them as such.


Quoting Its.me.Sam.:


well i have a son..AND i have a daughter and i dont think of young girls (or women for that matter) as "tramps".  it is not the message i want to send to my son or my daughter.
i certainly want a quality girl for my son..but i'm not going to go around calling girls tramps because that is not how i want my son to refer to girls or view girls... once they start that kind of thinking they start making judgements that are not good for girls.  it is a bad culture.. this whole "stramp slut whore skank" thing.  VERY BAD.

Quoting romanceparty4u:


I think you're wrong----If I had sons, I'd be on "tramp" alert 24/7

And I'd be blocking tramps after their parents got the photos----

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

hmmmmm... sounds a little judgemental.. and kind of like SHE is oversexualizing them...as if a bikini pic = bad kid unworthy of her sons.
i have a grown daughter..and i have a son nearing 10.. this is not what how i would address this topic with my son, and i DID always advise my daughter that those pic stay online forever and that she needs to understand what she is representing.  but yeah..  a couple of pics dont mean a girl has no character.. and teaching your son that a girl who may pose a little on the sexy side has less character than one that doesnt may give him the idea that girls who do pose sexy are less than or somehow immoral and thats just not good for women... we all know what happens when you start with that crap.  
i did like how she said she hopes her sons will be worthy of a good woman.  but a good woman can also come in the form of a young girl who took some not so modest pics of herself in her younger years as she was discovering herself and her sexuality.
 







krysstizzle
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:29 AM
5 moms liked this

I agree with most of the PPs. I have two boys. They are responsible for their actions and attitudes; teenage girls are not responsible for how my sons choose to behave, my sons are responsible for that. 

There are many lessons I teach my sons; none involve shaming or judging young girls based on their clothes. I teach them that society has norms that are not always fair to women. I teach them that every individual has a story and often a struggle. I teach them that the struggle can be based on sex or race or being born on a Tuesday. Most importantly, I teach them to be decent human beings, to hold compassion and understanding in their hearts. I teach them that decent human beings don't feel the need to constantly judge others if others aren't hurting anyone. I teach them that they should strive to be the absolute best human being they can be. 

Shaming teenage girls is not the way to do that. 

Its.me.Sam.
by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:40 AM
2 moms liked this

nope.  a female should be allowed to dress however she wants without being called a derogatory name.  and furthermore, a female that has many sex partners or a lot of sex, or casual sex does deserve to be demeaned by name calling.  she can do what she pleases... its other peoples judgments of how she should behave that lead ot the name calling.  and that starts with MEN.. and women have joined in because it is easier to join in and show yourself to be separate and therefore 'better than' from what is being ridiculed than it is to stand up and say that a womans sexuality is not up for the judgement of others - and risk being turned on.  its typical bullying behavior. women are often the WORT offenders of this articular type and it is just so sad because we see the negatove effects of it every.single.day in many many ways.


Quoting romanceparty4u:

It sure is...but the girls that perpetuate the "skank, tramp, slut, whore" thinking and culture, are as much to blame as those that choose to refer to them as such.


Quoting Its.me.Sam.:


well i have a son..AND i have a daughter and i dont think of young girls (or women for that matter) as "tramps".  it is not the message i want to send to my son or my daughter.
i certainly want a quality girl for my son..but i'm not going to go around calling girls tramps because that is not how i want my son to refer to girls or view girls... once they start that kind of thinking they start making judgements that are not good for girls.  it is a bad culture.. this whole "stramp slut whore skank" thing.  VERY BAD.

Quoting romanceparty4u:


I think you're wrong----If I had sons, I'd be on "tramp" alert 24/7

And I'd be blocking tramps after their parents got the photos----

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

hmmmmm... sounds a little judgemental.. and kind of like SHE is oversexualizing them...as if a bikini pic = bad kid unworthy of her sons.
i have a grown daughter..and i have a son nearing 10.. this is not what how i would address this topic with my son, and i DID always advise my daughter that those pic stay online forever and that she needs to understand what she is representing.  but yeah..  a couple of pics dont mean a girl has no character.. and teaching your son that a girl who may pose a little on the sexy side has less character than one that doesnt may give him the idea that girls who do pose sexy are less than or somehow immoral and thats just not good for women... we all know what happens when you start with that crap.  
i did like how she said she hopes her sons will be worthy of a good woman.  but a good woman can also come in the form of a young girl who took some not so modest pics of herself in her younger years as she was discovering herself and her sexuality.
 









canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:48 AM
5 moms liked this
As someone who has sons, I think you're wrong. I teach my sons to look beyond the 'packaging' to the person underneath. That 'tramp' could be the sweetest girl out there, that 'good' girl could be sleeping her way through the football team.

I think this woman is judgemental and placing the onus on the wrong person for her sons behaviour. They are responsible for their behaviour, not the girls. Are 'scantily clad' selfies a good idea? No, but it says as much about the boys character as the girls if they're ogling these photos.


Quoting romanceparty4u:


I think you're wrong----If I had sons, I'd be on "tramp" alert 24/7

And I'd be blocking tramps after their parents got the photos----


Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

hmmmmm... sounds a little judgemental.. and kind of like SHE is oversexualizing them...as if a bikini pic = bad kid unworthy of her sons.
i have a grown daughter..and i have a son nearing 10.. this is not what how i would address this topic with my son, and i DID always advise my daughter that those pic stay online forever and that she needs to understand what she is representing.  but yeah..  a couple of pics dont mean a girl has no character.. and teaching your son that a girl who may pose a little on the sexy side has less character than one that doesnt may give him the idea that girls who do pose sexy are less than or somehow immoral and thats just not good for women... we all know what happens when you start with that crap.  
i did like how she said she hopes her sons will be worthy of a good woman.  but a good woman can also come in the form of a young girl who took some not so modest pics of herself in her younger years as she was discovering herself and her sexuality.
 




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bellarose0212
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 1:14 AM

I liked it. I'm not religious at all, but I am someone who is concerned with media and the way it raises our kids to think they must look like and do certain things to have worth. One of those things is advertise sexuality from a VERY young age. I think it's worth examining this and teaching your kids to be media smart and decide which messages they want to accept and which they want to reject.

I think this was written respectfully and with the whole girl in mind. She tried to speak to who they are outside of that picture and treat the picture as what it was (a reaction to the message that THIS is their worth to boys/men), rather than shaming them or deeming them some variation of the word "slut" and therefore unworthy of her perfect boys. It was nice.

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Sep. 4, 2013 at 2:44 AM
2 moms liked this

Not a fan.

This is definitely sexualizing something that is not intrinsically sexual.

It is okay for girls to be comfortable with their bodies --in real life and online.

Suggesting that it is what causes sexual abuse, harassment or rape is taking away the boys' power --the one that is them choosing their own behaviour.


SuzCahn
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

 I agree with the mom.

.OceanBlue.
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:26 AM

I agree with the mom.  

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