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Parents Give Adopted Kids Away When They Decide They Don't Like Them??

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Parents Give Adopted Kids Away When They Decide They Don't Like Them

by Kiri Blakeley

All over America, there are people giving away their children on the Internet. And I'm not even talking about the twisted ones who loan out their kids to pedophiles. I'm talking about parents who've decided their kids are too much trouble and want to "rehome" their children like one might do with a pet (which I am also against, btw). Unless you hang out on these specific Internet boards (and let's hope you don't), you probably don't realize that reportedly there are parents all over this country who are handing over their "troublesome" kids to complete strangers, hoping they can do a better job of it. Or at least just wanting to be rid of said troublemaker. As one mom put it about her 12-year-old daughter, "I would have given her away to a serial killer, I was so desperate." What?!

An investigative probe by Reuters and NBC News delved deep into underground "adoptions" that are really no more than people posting on the Internet that they don't want their kids anymore and are looking for someone who does. Most of the time, but not all of the time, these kids were adopted from foreign countries. The children usually range in age from 6 to 14. Over a five-year period, Reuters found on average one child a week being "rehomed." (The actual term these people use -- I guess "abandonment" doesn't sound so nice.)

The parents usually want to rid themselves of kids who came with unexpected behavioral issues -- and the adoptive parents usually give up and don't want to deal anymore. The ads sound like people's listings for bothersome pets -- only they're talking kids. Wrote one "mother": "I am totally ashamed to say it, but we do truly hate this boy!"

Others take a different tack and use more enticing advertising. One ad read:

Born in October of 2000 -- this handsome boy 'Rick' was placed from India a year ago and is obedient and eager to please.

Naturally, the kids then often fall into the hands of abusers, pedophiles, and molesters. All of this apparently goes on either with little government oversight or illegally. Sometimes the kids are tracked down and returned to their adoptive parents. Which doesn't sound like the best idea either.

I sympathize with parents who find themselves with children they didn't quite sign up for -- ones who can be dangerous to the rest of the household, or who eat up immense amounts of emotional and psychological energy, or finances.

But when you sign up to become a parent, you don't always get what you want. A kid isn't a toy. A kid isn't some fantasy ideal. Deciding to become a parent is a lifelong commitment -- whether you birthed that child or not. And if it doesn't turn out the way you pictured it, then seek help. Handing over a kid to a stranger on the Internet is just crazy. DON'T become a parent if you can't take on a lifelong responsibility that may not be the one you pictured.

What do you think of this?

by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 8:39 AM
Replies (331-334):
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2014 at 8:13 PM
How horrible.
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2014 at 8:45 PM

The problem is that they most often DON'T go to good homes. Look at the Reuters investigation on rehoming. Adoptive "parents" do little to no checking and many take sick 'same day delivery' of their child to a stranger just to get them out of the house. Many kids are going to rapists, pedophiles, murderers, etc. 

Quoting buttersworth:

You know what, if some idiot thinks their adopted child is bad, the child is probably better off going to another home...provided that home is loving and safe...i hope to God for these children they are.

What kind of parent would one be who thinks their adopted child is inherently bad?

Quoting A-nony-mous:

As an adoptee it digusts me and it frustates me to no end that everyone constantly pours out sympathy to the adoptive parents and have little to no care for the adopted child. The adopted child is bad and brought it on themselves, even though they are only children sometimes only 4 or 5 or 6 years old when they are "rehomed"...sometimes after only a few months or a year into their adoptive home. I'm sorry but I don't care how "bad" your adopted child is. YOU chose to adopt. YOU chose your child. YOU chose to bring them home. Deal with it and live with it. It's absolutely horrible to "rehome" them just because it's "not working out". People don't do that with their biological child but somehow it's perfectly fine to constantly bounce us adoptees around and treat us as disposable commodities. We're cute in the wanting-to-adopt phase and then suddenly completely unwanted after a few months if we don't act like grateful angels or have some post-adoption issues because apparently it's completely shocking that you can't simply remove a child from their entire culture and history and give them some cookies and toys and instantly be the coolest parents evar!! These 'parents' are disgusting. They should be banned from ever adopting another child again.  They clearly have an intense set of conditions that children must meet lest they be tossed out to the first person willing to take the child away.

by on May. 21, 2014 at 10:07 PM

There are people who should adopt and people who should not and everyone should know which they are.

I know I could not adopt, I don't like kids. Of course I like my girls but that's it. I don't like other peoples kids, they are not allowed to bring their kids to my house and I wont go out with people if they have their kids with them

Then there are those kind of people who love any kid and can raise and love any kid as if it were their own. I can't comprehend that feeling because I have never one of them.

by Platinum Member on May. 22, 2014 at 9:48 AM

People tend to look at adoption in the wrong way. They tend to believe that they can adopt a child and the child will just sort of automatically fit in perfectly with their family. That is not always true. Even a newborn comes with inheritable traits that will eventually show up and could end up causing some issues. Older children already have issues and often they will behave like the perfect child for awhile and then all hell breaks lose when they begin acting out in ways no one thought about. Sometimes (although they often can't verbalize it because they themselves don't understand their feelings and/or fears) it's because they want to see if the family loves them enough to keep them no matter what, other times it's due to issues and problems no one knew existed or were hidden or downplayed. This can be especially true in international adoptions.

People need to realize that the adorable infant or the gorgeous older child comes with it's own set of traits whether it's a bio child or an adopted one. The perfect child simply does not exist nor do the perfect parents. People may believe that having a child, bio or adopted, will make their family complete but they need to understand that it isn't always the case, no child is a "bed of roses" it's entire life. We're all exposed constantly to the vision of the wonderful, loving family whose problems, if any, are easily solved, where parents are always understanding and  children are wonderfully compatible individuals who can and do put their siblings wants/needs/ feelings above their own. People need to wake up..REAL life, child or not,  just isn't like that.

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