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Are You A Slut? S/O

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 6:31 AM
  • 105 Replies
2 moms liked this

So the other thread on slut shaming for Halloween costumes got me to thinking.  The behavior described in the other thread has to do with wearing a costume, not actually doing anything sexual.  

slut  (slt)

n.
1.
a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
b. A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

This is a dictionary definition of the word slut.  It indicates a woman who is sleeping around, selling sex for money, or is completely dirty (and that last definition, one of the sources I had indicated that is a dated meaning, not current and relevant, btw).

So my question is.....why do we call women who are not engaging in these behaviors, but instead are wearing shorter or tighter clothes or a lot of makeup, a slut?

There was discussion of mores and morals.  Why is it immoral to wear a short skirt if the person isn't doing anything sexual other than wearing sexy looking clothing?
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 6:31 AM
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Seasidegirl
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Not my circus, not my monkeys -Polish proverb
Yesterday at 8:06 PM
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 6:59 AM
5 moms liked this

First, I think what is "sexy clothing" to one person is not to the next. I have a few very casual sweat-pants type of sports skirts that to me are REALLY COMFY and to my husband a whole different experience! lol.

I live in Florida, so a lot of women run around with not a whole lot of clothes on. I have been in outdoor restaurants were some patrons are in bikinis. . . no big deal. Except I was kind of grossed out once when I saw a woman wearing a thong sitting on a bar stool. . . ewww.

Then there are women who appear to try really hard to be sexy. I think they just look silly.

Why would someone be offended by them or call them a slut? Because in our patriarchal society where women in general get paid a lot less than men, men = money and security (so we think, huh?).  Too many of us have bought into the idea (well, because we see the old guys with $$ on their 3rd marriages to women half their ages) that in order to "make it" (eat well, go on vacations, drive a nice car, etc.) we had better turn on the sex machine look.

We've all seen the older rich guys with the young wives with boob jobs and face lifts, etc.  There's a reason behind this.

I think it's all about economics. Some women feel threatened by other women and we call it insecurity. I think it runs much deeper than that and is, sadly, about survival on some level.

You know, we don't want that gold-digging slut getting our houses, etc.  :)

Which is why in part I decided very early on in life to have my own career and make my own money and not rely on a man's salary.

 

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:11 AM
7 moms liked this

I think people like to pretend that men are sexual predators unable to control their lust, and that its a woman's responsibility to dress and to behave in a manner that doesn't provoke that in men. That's why women are blamed for unwanted pregnancies too. We like to pretend that men are unable to control themselves instead of putting that responsibility on them. 

Is it our fault that men find something provocative? How far should we be forced to go to be 'unsexual' to men to protect their behavior/lack of impulse control?

Because we KNOW if men had self-control and were taught to treat women as human beings, they wouldn't be uncontrollably sexually aroused by a woman in a Halloween costume.


momtoscott
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:12 AM
3 moms liked this

There is nothing immoral about the way someone chooses to dress.  There is something immoral about using shame to control women's sexual behavior.  

The women who are most affronted by "sluts" wearing revealing clothes, in my experience, are those who are the least secure about their partners' commitment and ability to be faithful.  The men who complain the most about it, also from my own experience, are the ones who want to be able to excuse themselves, when they have sex (consensual or not) with "sluts," by blaming the woman entirely for the man's behavior.     

romalove
by Roma on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:29 AM


Quoting Seasidegirl:

First, I think what is "sexy clothing" to one person is not to the next. I have a few very casual sweat-pants type of sports skirts that to me are REALLY COMFY and to my husband a whole different experience! lol.

I live in Florida, so a lot of women run around with not a whole lot of clothes on. I have been in outdoor restaurants were some patrons are in bikinis. . . no big deal. Except I was kind of grossed out once when I saw a woman wearing a thong sitting on a bar stool. . . ewww.

Then there are women who appear to try really hard to be sexy. I think they just look silly.

Why would someone be offended by them or call them a slut? Because in our patriarchal society where women in general get paid a lot less than men, men = money and security (so we think, huh?).  Too many of us have bought into the idea (well, because we see the old guys with $$ on their 3rd marriages to women half their ages) that in order to "make it" (eat well, go on vacations, drive a nice car, etc.) we had better turn on the sex machine look.

We've all seen the older rich guys with the young wives with boob jobs and face lifts, etc.  There's a reason behind this.

I think it's all about economics. Some women feel threatened by other women and we call it insecurity. I think it runs much deeper than that and is, sadly, about survival on some level.

You know, we don't want that gold-digging slut getting our houses, etc.  :)

Which is why in part I decided very early on in life to have my own career and make my own money and not rely on a man's salary.


Thanks for your response.  I think partly it's about economics.

I think there are other aspects, though, and a lot of it has to do with our own sense of self-esteem.

romalove
by Roma on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:30 AM


Quoting Woodbabe:

I think people like to pretend that men are sexual predators unable to control their lust, and that its a woman's responsibility to dress and to behave in a manner that doesn't provoke that in men. That's why women are blamed for unwanted pregnancies too. We like to pretend that men are unable to control themselves instead of putting that responsibility on them. 

Is it our fault that men find something provocative? How far should we be forced to go to be 'unsexual' to men to protect their behavior/lack of impulse control?

Because we KNOW if men had self-control and were taught to treat women as human beings, they wouldn't be uncontrollably sexually aroused by a woman in a Halloween costume.


I wouldn't say I disagree with this.

But who calls women sluts more, men or women?

romalove
by Roma on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:32 AM


Quoting momtoscott:

There is nothing immoral about the way someone chooses to dress.  There is something immoral about using shame to control women's sexual behavior.  

The women who are most affronted by "sluts" wearing revealing clothes, in my experience, are those who are the least secure about their partners' commitment and ability to be faithful.  The men who complain the most about it, also from my own experience, are the ones who want to be able to excuse themselves, when they have sex (consensual or not) with "sluts," by blaming the woman entirely for the man's behavior.     

Calling someone a slut is certainly a way of blaming her for how "you" feel about her.  

momtoscott
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:35 AM
2 moms liked this

Oh, I agree.  I think by far women are bigger slut shamers than men.  

(Men tend to be slut appreciators, LOL)

Quoting romalove:


Quoting momtoscott:

There is nothing immoral about the way someone chooses to dress.  There is something immoral about using shame to control women's sexual behavior.  

The women who are most affronted by "sluts" wearing revealing clothes, in my experience, are those who are the least secure about their partners' commitment and ability to be faithful.  The men who complain the most about it, also from my own experience, are the ones who want to be able to excuse themselves, when they have sex (consensual or not) with "sluts," by blaming the woman entirely for the man's behavior.     

Calling someone a slut is certainly a way of blaming her for how "you" feel about her.  


romalove
by Roma on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:37 AM


Quoting momtoscott:

Oh, I agree.  I think by far women are bigger slut shamers than men.  

(Men tend to be slut appreciators, LOL)

Quoting romalove:


Quoting momtoscott:

There is nothing immoral about the way someone chooses to dress.  There is something immoral about using shame to control women's sexual behavior.  

The women who are most affronted by "sluts" wearing revealing clothes, in my experience, are those who are the least secure about their partners' commitment and ability to be faithful.  The men who complain the most about it, also from my own experience, are the ones who want to be able to excuse themselves, when they have sex (consensual or not) with "sluts," by blaming the woman entirely for the man's behavior.     

Calling someone a slut is certainly a way of blaming her for how "you" feel about her.  


Women are excellent at finding ways to tear each other down.  The men don't have to, they can just stand back and watch who comes out alive.

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:46 AM


Quoting romalove:


Quoting Woodbabe:

I think people like to pretend that men are sexual predators unable to control their lust, and that its a woman's responsibility to dress and to behave in a manner that doesn't provoke that in men. That's why women are blamed for unwanted pregnancies too. We like to pretend that men are unable to control themselves instead of putting that responsibility on them. 

Is it our fault that men find something provocative? How far should we be forced to go to be 'unsexual' to men to protect their behavior/lack of impulse control?

Because we KNOW if men had self-control and were taught to treat women as human beings, they wouldn't be uncontrollably sexually aroused by a woman in a Halloween costume.


I wouldn't say I disagree with this.

But who calls women sluts more, men or women?

I would say women probably use the term more often but men use it as a 'label' when mentally determining what type of 'female' she is. They are quick to categorize us into little boxes.

 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

romalove
by Roma on Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:49 AM


Quoting Woodbabe:


Quoting romalove:


Quoting Woodbabe:

I think people like to pretend that men are sexual predators unable to control their lust, and that its a woman's responsibility to dress and to behave in a manner that doesn't provoke that in men. That's why women are blamed for unwanted pregnancies too. We like to pretend that men are unable to control themselves instead of putting that responsibility on them. 

Is it our fault that men find something provocative? How far should we be forced to go to be 'unsexual' to men to protect their behavior/lack of impulse control?

Because we KNOW if men had self-control and were taught to treat women as human beings, they wouldn't be uncontrollably sexually aroused by a woman in a Halloween costume.


I wouldn't say I disagree with this.

But who calls women sluts more, men or women?

I would say women probably use the term more often but men use it as a 'label' when mentally determining what type of 'female' she is. They are quick to categorize us into little boxes.

From behavior or from how we dress?

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