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Scientology Promises Amazing 'Super Powers' We Can Only Begin to Imagine

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 9:56 AM
  • 48 Replies

Scientology Promises Amazing 'Super Powers' We Can Only Begin to Imagine

by Jacqueline Burt

tom cruise, john travolta, kelly prestonFor the longest time, I've been wondering what, exactly, draws people to Scientology. Granted, I'm not huge on organized religion of any kind, but everything one hears about Scientology -- the creepy interviews featuring questions about blowing up planets, Xenu -- makes voluntarily signing up to be a part of this mysterious Hollywood institution seem kinda nuts. Or it did, anyway -- before I found out that Scientology can give you super powers! No joke: The church just opened the doors on its "most important project ever" -- the Flag Building in Clearwater, Florida, a $145 million dollar compound where Scientology's long-awaited "Super Power" program will be launched, at last. Naturally, Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kelly Preston were among the thousands of attendees at the opening ceremony -- but do they have their super powers yet? (And what kind of super powers do Scientologists get, exactly?!)

Well, this may -- or may not -- clear a few things up for you. According to the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, people have way more than 5 senses. They think we have 57 (!!) extra senses called perceptics, which "include an ability to sense blood circulation, balance, compass direction, temperature, gravity as well as an 'awareness of importance, unimportance.'" The Super Power course, developed by L. Ron Hubbard, supposedly "boosts" these perceptics "through a series of mental and physical tasks." 

Um, okay. I'm a little afraid about what those "tasks" might involve, given the recent rumors spread by Cruise's ex about (allegedly) digging ditches as punishment for blabbing relationship secrets, but I'm more curious about what kind of "super powers" students end up with at the end of this crazy class. Sadly, we may never know -- but we can guess! Here are a few superhuman abilities that could really come in handy (for Tom Cruise and John Travolta, at least). What if they could ...

1. Leap tall couches in a single bound

2. Do Jedi Mind Tricks ("These are not the male masseuses you are looking for ... ")

3. Turn back time like Superman ("Being an actor is as tough as being a soldier?! Good thing I never said anything that stupid!")

4. Blind paparazzi with their dazzling white smiles

5. Silence litigious ex-wives by magically stealing their voices

What Scientology super power would you want?

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 9:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
D-Town
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:05 AM
I've read two Scientology books. To be frank, it is no different than some other religious beliefs. What makes their beliefs any different than someone being able to touch someone and cure a fatal disease? No different than some prominent Asian belief systems that they can control their destinies by manipulating the objects around them.


Tom Cruise is not a good spokesperson for Scientology. He's about as good a spokesperson as Jerry Falwell. It isn't as "out there" as Cruise makes it sound.

I wish people would actually read the true information about a belief system before opening their moths about it.
Peaceful.chaos
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:07 AM
3 moms liked this
I'd like to know how a fictional book became a religion.
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Sekirei
by Nari Trickster on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:08 AM
3 moms liked this

This is a dangerous cult... period

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:26 AM
3 moms liked this
Yeah I think they finally admitted Hubbard was dead. He's been" in hiding" for thirty plus years because how do you admit to your followers that the prophet died of old age without any messiah or aliens showing up? His body is on a boat that won't stay in port so no one has a right to search the ship for Hubbard. Makes as much sense as Joseph Smith and the snake oil salesman he was
momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:42 AM
5 moms liked this

To Whom It May Concern: 

I would like the super power to sneeze diamonds, please.  

Thanks in advance, Scientology, for your prompt attention to this request.  

romalove
by Roma on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:53 AM
4 moms liked this
I am glad you chose to sneeze them out...

Quoting momtoscott:

To Whom It May Concern: 

I would like the super power to sneeze diamonds, please.  

Thanks in advance, Scientology, for your prompt attention to this request.  

romalove
by Roma on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:54 AM
3 moms liked this
I have read a fair amount.

It is nutso.


Quoting D-Town:

I've read two Scientology books. To be frank, it is no different than some other religious beliefs. What makes their beliefs any different than someone being able to touch someone and cure a fatal disease? No different than some prominent Asian belief systems that they can control their destinies by manipulating the objects around them.





Tom Cruise is not a good spokesperson for Scientology. He's about as good a spokesperson as Jerry Falwell. It isn't as "out there" as Cruise makes it sound.



I wish people would actually read the true information about a belief system before opening their moths about it.
SuperChicken
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Oh, oh, best response ever :)


Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

I'd like to know how a fictional book became a religion.


 

D-Town
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
A case could be made for all religions. Including Christianity.

Quoting romalove:

I have read a fair amount.



It is nutso.




Quoting D-Town:

I've read two Scientology books. To be frank, it is no different than some other religious beliefs. What makes their beliefs any different than someone being able to touch someone and cure a fatal disease? No different than some prominent Asian belief systems that they can control their destinies by manipulating the objects around them.








Tom Cruise is not a good spokesperson for Scientology. He's about as good a spokesperson as Jerry Falwell. It isn't as "out there" as Cruise makes it sound.





I wish people would actually read the true information about a belief system before opening their moths about it.
romalove
by Roma on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes.

But in my estimation this one is more "out there" than some others.


Quoting D-Town:

A case could be made for all religions. Including Christianity.



Quoting romalove:

I have read a fair amount.





It is nutso.






Quoting D-Town:

I've read two Scientology books. To be frank, it is no different than some other religious beliefs. What makes their beliefs any different than someone being able to touch someone and cure a fatal disease? No different than some prominent Asian belief systems that they can control their destinies by manipulating the objects around them.











Tom Cruise is not a good spokesperson for Scientology. He's about as good a spokesperson as Jerry Falwell. It isn't as "out there" as Cruise makes it sound.







I wish people would actually read the true information about a belief system before opening their moths about it.
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