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Letting a Baby 'Cry It Out' Is Inhumane

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by Deborah Cruz April 3, 2012 at 5:59 PM

co-sleeping

Did you use the Ferber method of sleep training? Do you believe in letting your baby cry it out in the name of sleep training? To me, I think letting your child cry it out is like withholding food from your newborn to teach them how to control their appetite. It’s crazy.

The "cry it out" approach assumes that falling asleep on your own is a skill like any other and that your baby can master this skill if you give him the opportunity. It is also supposed to teach a baby to learn to self-soothe rather than needing immediate attention from their caregiver.

I say this is ridiculous. Eventually, a child will learn to fall asleep on his/her own. You get tired and you fall asleep. You get hungry you eat. It’s a primal instinct; no one needs to teach a baby to do this. They were doing it for months in utero. I suppose these parents are the same ones who believe that you can spoil a baby with too much love. I disagree with that, as well.

Letting a child cry it out borders on inhumane. If my child wants to fall asleep cuddled in my lap, what’s the harm? If my baby falls asleep nursing, am I supposed to wake her up and then lay her in bed alone simply so she can learn to fall asleep on her own? Seems a bit ridiculous and over kill to me.

We chose a different path. We never Ferberized, we instead opted for attachment parenting. We co-slept. We've never had any issues with self-soothing. My daughters woke up, they reach out, and we were there. Knowing we were there, they would fall right back to sleep. They have since gone to their own beds, occasionally they will still find their way to our room. We have no problem with that. For the most part, they understand that if they wake up and they need us, we are just across the hall. Usually, they just fall back to sleep.

Crying it out is nothing I would have ever done. It doesn't work for our style of parenting. I don’t think there is anything to be proven by Ferberizing my child. There is no award for the toughest parent who let’s their child cry it out the most. I will opt for snuggles, cuddles and co-sleeping any day.

Did you let your kids cry it out?


by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
Replies (21-30):
paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:58 PM

Ah! I thought she meant suffocating the baby with a pillow on purpose...

Quoting norwgnwood:

I think she's referring to her ignorant view of bed sharing not taking a break.

Quoting paganbaby:

Walking away to calm yourself is different than systematically using CIO to sleep train a baby.

Quoting Caera:

I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:59 PM

Wow...and people still follow his methods??

Quoting redhead-bedhead:

Yeah, I read reports of his children disowning him because of abuse.


Quoting paganbaby:

Ferber?

Quoting redhead-bedhead:

I wouldn't take parenting advice from a man whose children disowned him...






Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Shoot, mine didn't sleep through the night until they were three. My 7yo still gets up a few times a week to come in my bed.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

I agree. CIO "works" because the baby decides he/she has been abandoned. I think it's incredibly cruel. I have three kids, all big now. We did not CIO. And they didn't sleep through the night until they were 2 years old, each. And I was totally OK with that.


Quoting A-nony-mous:

I don't like CIO. I understand the idea behind it and I believe that it eventually works but not because your 3 month old really learns to "self sooth", it's more like they just become defeated and give up because they know no one will help them. 

Yeah, it's a pain in the ass to get up umpteen times a night with a crying baby but isn't that life? No one has a baby to have MORE convenience in their life. You have to suck it up and do what you have to do in those early months and even years and most of it is unpleasant. What next? Parents who decide that babies need to change their own diapers? Or learn to just live with one diaper a day because the parents can't be "inconvenienced" with changing them more than once a day?  




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Its.me.Sam.
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:00 PM
3 moms liked this

i cannot understand the thought process behind allowing your baby to cry and cry and cry out of fear or stress or lonliness or insecurity and NOT respond to that with comfort and assistance.  

MidwestMama55
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this

LOL! Good for you mama. 


Quoting paganbaby:

Shoot, mine didn't sleep through the night until they were three. My 7yo still gets up a few times a week to come in my bed.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

I agree. CIO "works" because the baby decides he/she has been abandoned. I think it's incredibly cruel. I have three kids, all big now. We did not CIO. And they didn't sleep through the night until they were 2 years old, each. And I was totally OK with that.


Quoting A-nony-mous:

I don't like CIO. I understand the idea behind it and I believe that it eventually works but not because your 3 month old really learns to "self sooth", it's more like they just become defeated and give up because they know no one will help them. 

Yeah, it's a pain in the ass to get up umpteen times a night with a crying baby but isn't that life? No one has a baby to have MORE convenience in their life. You have to suck it up and do what you have to do in those early months and even years and most of it is unpleasant. What next? Parents who decide that babies need to change their own diapers? Or learn to just live with one diaper a day because the parents can't be "inconvenienced" with changing them more than once a day?  






redhead-bedhead
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Yep, for some reason people follow these quacks instead of their instincts.

Quoting paganbaby:

Wow...and people still follow his methods??

Quoting redhead-bedhead:

Yeah, I read reports of his children disowning him because of abuse.


Quoting paganbaby:

Ferber?

Quoting redhead-bedhead:

I wouldn't take parenting advice from a man whose children disowned him...








paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:02 PM

*High five*

Quoting hismommy2010:

 I breastfed and still co-sleep. My son will soon be 4 years old, and he has NO issue going to sleep on his own.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Rlmama00
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:03 PM

I think she's referring to co-sleeping. Not everyone realizes it can be beneficial when done properly. Some still think of it as highly dangerous no matter what.

Quoting paganbaby:

Walking away to calm yourself is different than systematically using CIO to sleep train a baby.

Quoting Caera:

I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.



paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:04 PM

How old was your dd and how long did it take?

Quoting IandLoveandYou:

I don't know.. we did do cry it out.

It was a gradual thing, we'd let her cry for 3 minutes.. then go in. We never let her lay there and cry for more than 5 minutes. Co-sleeping was just not for me, I think it's great for people who want to do it and do it safely.. but it just wasn't for me. There is no award for sweetest or nicest parent either if you don't let them cry for a little bit, or if you do decide to co-sleep.

Parenting isn't a competition, in the end...the award is a healthy well adjusted human, right? I think there are many different parenting styles that can lead to one of those.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:05 PM

My dd did too :-/

Quoting BlueSparrow:

I tried it and hated it. The next day my daughter was clingy and cried when i left her sight. Never again will i use it.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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