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Letting a Baby 'Cry It Out' Is Inhumane

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by Deborah Cruz April 3, 2012 at 5:59 PM

co-sleeping

Did you use the Ferber method of sleep training? Do you believe in letting your baby cry it out in the name of sleep training? To me, I think letting your child cry it out is like withholding food from your newborn to teach them how to control their appetite. It’s crazy.

The "cry it out" approach assumes that falling asleep on your own is a skill like any other and that your baby can master this skill if you give him the opportunity. It is also supposed to teach a baby to learn to self-soothe rather than needing immediate attention from their caregiver.

I say this is ridiculous. Eventually, a child will learn to fall asleep on his/her own. You get tired and you fall asleep. You get hungry you eat. It’s a primal instinct; no one needs to teach a baby to do this. They were doing it for months in utero. I suppose these parents are the same ones who believe that you can spoil a baby with too much love. I disagree with that, as well.

Letting a child cry it out borders on inhumane. If my child wants to fall asleep cuddled in my lap, what’s the harm? If my baby falls asleep nursing, am I supposed to wake her up and then lay her in bed alone simply so she can learn to fall asleep on her own? Seems a bit ridiculous and over kill to me.

We chose a different path. We never Ferberized, we instead opted for attachment parenting. We co-slept. We've never had any issues with self-soothing. My daughters woke up, they reach out, and we were there. Knowing we were there, they would fall right back to sleep. They have since gone to their own beds, occasionally they will still find their way to our room. We have no problem with that. For the most part, they understand that if they wake up and they need us, we are just across the hall. Usually, they just fall back to sleep.

Crying it out is nothing I would have ever done. It doesn't work for our style of parenting. I don’t think there is anything to be proven by Ferberizing my child. There is no award for the toughest parent who let’s their child cry it out the most. I will opt for snuggles, cuddles and co-sleeping any day.

Did you let your kids cry it out?


by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
Replies (31-40):
A-nony-mous
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:05 PM
2 moms liked this


Hahaha, absolutely. But I've seen people using CIO even on babies as young as only 2 or 3 weeks old. It's ridiculous. Literally babies fresh home from the hospital who aren't sleeping good and the parents are thinking that this is an abnormal problem that has to be "fixed" and that CIO is the answer. And it's common for babies 2 or 3 months old. It's sad and crazy how young babies I've seen who are perfectly normal but are left to cry. 

Sometimes the parents are just misguided and uninformed but a lot of times the parents are honestly lazy. They act like they're the only ones to ever have to deal with sleep deprivation or that their sleep deprivation is soooooooo much worse than anyone else's in the entire world so they NEED their sleep "or else". :-p 

It's like...yeesh..if you can only be bothered to meet your child's needs during certain hours of the day then maybe you shouldn't have kids. It's not a 9 am to 9 pm only job, it's 24 hours...especially for infants. They're not even SUPPOSED to sleep through the night because it's not healthy for a 2 week old or even 2 month old not to eat for 8 or 10 hours. 
 

Quoting paganbaby:

Amen to that! But on a side note, I did make my 3yo neice change her own diapers when she was over. I'm not one to force potty training but once you turn three, you're big enough to change your own darn diapers,lol.

Quoting A-nony-mous:

I don't like CIO. I understand the idea behind it and I believe that it eventually works but not because your 3 month old really learns to "self sooth", it's more like they just become defeated and give up because they know no one will help them. 

Yeah, it's a pain in the ass to get up umpteen times a night with a crying baby but isn't that life? No one has a baby to have MORE convenience in their life. You have to suck it up and do what you have to do in those early months and even years and most of it is unpleasant. What next? Parents who decide that babies need to change their own diapers? Or learn to just live with one diaper a day because the parents can't be "inconvenienced" with changing them more than once a day?  




paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Yeah, I'm a little slow today,lol.

Quoting redhead-bedhead:

I'm pretty sure she is referring to bedsharing.

Quoting paganbaby:

Walking away to calm yourself is different than systematically using CIO to sleep train a baby.

Quoting Caera:

I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.




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ChancesMommy07
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree. We did CIO the same way. No more than a few minutes at a time. My son was about 11 months old. It took 2 nights and he's been sleeping all night in his own bed ever since. He's a happy, healthy, well-adjusted 6 year old now. 

Quoting IandLoveandYou:

I don't know.. we did do cry it out.

It was a gradual thing, we'd let her cry for 3 minutes.. then go in. We never let her lay there and cry for more than 5 minutes. Co-sleeping was just not for me, I think it's great for people who want to do it and do it safely.. but it just wasn't for me. There is no award for sweetest or nicest parent either if you don't let them cry for a little bit, or if you do decide to co-sleep.

Parenting isn't a competition, in the end...the award is a healthy well adjusted human, right? I think there are many different parenting styles that can lead to one of those.


IandLoveandYou
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

She was 9 months old.. didn't take very long at all. About 2 weeks, maybe less.

But.. she was a really good sleeper before that. I would rock her and sing to her for about 20 minutes or so and she would fall asleep, and by then she was sleeping through the nights most nights. That said.. I did get up with her during the night then and after that, and when I did I'd rock her again until she was asleep.

Quoting paganbaby:

How old was your dd and how long did it take?

Quoting IandLoveandYou:

I don't know.. we did do cry it out.

It was a gradual thing, we'd let her cry for 3 minutes.. then go in. We never let her lay there and cry for more than 5 minutes. Co-sleeping was just not for me, I think it's great for people who want to do it and do it safely.. but it just wasn't for me. There is no award for sweetest or nicest parent either if you don't let them cry for a little bit, or if you do decide to co-sleep.

Parenting isn't a competition, in the end...the award is a healthy well adjusted human, right? I think there are many different parenting styles that can lead to one of those.


 

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

It's instinct. Letting a baby cry goes against ever fiber of my being.

Quoting HippiPotPi419:

No...I get very tense and nervous when my baby cries so what good does that do anyone? Other people can raise their kids how they choose, but in this house, we hug and kiss our crying babies.


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Luvnlogic
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this
We co-slept with ours...and when we moved them to their cribs (6 mos ds, 11 mos for ds) we did do a tiny bit of CIO with frequent checks. But extended crying increases their stress hormone (cortisol, I believe) and changes their brain chemistry, so we didn't let them get too upset before popping in to shush or give a snuggle <3
paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:15 PM

My baby sling was a life saver for me! My ds didn't like to nap either so that was the only way I could get anything done. And I did not know the part in red. My kids nursed/took a bottle or cup through out the night until they were 3 and 5. i guess comfort was just as important as sustenance to them.

Quoting Sisteract:

If a baby is healthy and at a normal weight, by about 3 months (12 lbs ish), a newborn baby generally does not need to get up at night to eat for sustenance.

Sleep begets sleep, so a baby who is well rested during the day, tends to eat better during the day and sleeps better at night.

Cry it out for a newborn is not developmentally appropriate though-

Nope, I never let mine cry it out. I spent a lot of time holding with my older one-especially during the day. She was not a good napper.

Thankfully, my younger slept through the night from the get go-

I am a light sleeper and do not like to hear babies cry- it's their way of communicating-


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paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Huge fallacy there! But even still, not every mother who doesn't co-sleep uses CIO.

Quoting Rlmama00:

I think she's referring to co-sleeping. Not everyone realizes it can be beneficial when done properly. Some still think of it as highly dangerous no matter what.

Quoting paganbaby:

Walking away to calm yourself is different than systematically using CIO to sleep train a baby.

Quoting Caera:

I'd rather let a child cry it out than suffocate it in a bed.




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Woodbabe
by Woodie on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Speaking as a mother whose first baby literally cried until a week before his 5th birthday, I just have to cackle and laugh and walk away...

jjchick75
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:41 PM
4 moms liked this

I think CIO is a horrible practice. I don't understand this push to make babies sleep through the night right out of the womb. I don't sleep through the night. I get up and use the restroom, get a drink of water, or just turn over and change positions. I don't understand why we expect babies to. Their tummies are small and they need to eat frequently, yes even after they meet some magical age or weight. Sometimes they have bad dreams and need to be comforted. I just don't get it.

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