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When you have a problem with your child

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:50 AM
  • 37 Replies

 Do you ever examine if you are the root cause of it? Our DS (3 in a month) is horrid lately. Very angry and explosive. VERY emotional. He's really getting on our last nerves. So I decided to start reading anger management books. They all say that kids learn it from their parents so it's our fault he behaves like that, which sucks! Anyway, we are attempting to modify our behavior and manage our own anger so that we can properly show him how to manage his. In the meantime he's pushing all our buttons. /sigh Having kids highlights all the best and worst qualities of yourself doesn't it.

I will say we've been doing a lot of the recommended emotional training techniques since he was born. What with my DH being bipolar I knew this was going to be a problem for our kids. So we've labeled emotions and he understands and can recognize what he is feeling. The problem is proper expression. I've almost been thinking about a punching bag. How bad would that be?

by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:50 AM
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JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

furbabymum
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:55 AM

 I certainly think anger is ok and I tell him it's ok to be angry. What's not ok is hitting mom or dad or biting or....he expresses his anger very poorly. That's what we need to fix the most!!

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

 

JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:57 AM

 Definitely.  He's at the age where he is still learning all of that.  It is a process.  I'm sure you are doing a great job. :-)

Quoting furbabymum:

 I certainly think anger is ok and I tell him it's ok to be angry. What's not ok is hitting mom or dad or biting or....he expresses his anger very poorly. That's what we need to fix the most!!

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

 

 

Bertha21
by Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, whenever my son starts acting angry, I know he has to get it from one of us. We correct our behavior, and his behavior changes completely.
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furbabymum
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:59 AM

 We feel so crummy though! lol

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 Definitely.  He's at the age where he is still learning all of that.  It is a process.  I'm sure you are doing a great job. :-)

Quoting furbabymum:

 I certainly think anger is ok and I tell him it's ok to be angry. What's not ok is hitting mom or dad or biting or....he expresses his anger very poorly. That's what we need to fix the most!!

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

 

 

 

JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:04 AM

 Hugs.  You're doing GREAT!

Quoting furbabymum:

 We feel so crummy though! lol

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 Definitely.  He's at the age where he is still learning all of that.  It is a process.  I'm sure you are doing a great job. :-)

Quoting furbabymum:

 I certainly think anger is ok and I tell him it's ok to be angry. What's not ok is hitting mom or dad or biting or....he expresses his anger very poorly. That's what we need to fix the most!!

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

 

 

 

 

..MoonShine..
by Redwood Witch on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:08 AM

I gotta say...you're coming into a tough time as it is. Three (for most parents I know) is worse than two. 

I can definitely sympathize. Our 6 yo is a yeller. He yells at us...a lot. I've known for a long time that it's my fault. I was a yeller for too much of his three-four year old stage. It seemed to be the only way to get him to listen. I know better now, but the damage has been done. We're working on getting him to express himself differently. 

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:08 AM

I think we all look inward when there are issues with our children, regardless of age.

Three is a rough age.  The kids are trying to figure out all the emotions and thoughts going through their minds.  Sure, they pick up on what ever the parents are doing, or not doing, but overall, we can't be too harsh on ourselves when our little ones are not even capable of understanding so much at that age.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting furbabymum:

 We feel so crummy though! lol

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 Definitely.  He's at the age where he is still learning all of that.  It is a process.  I'm sure you are doing a great job. :-)

Quoting furbabymum:

 I certainly think anger is ok and I tell him it's ok to be angry. What's not ok is hitting mom or dad or biting or....he expresses his anger very poorly. That's what we need to fix the most!!

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 First of all, three is a rough age, so try not to be so hard on yourself about his behavior.  I'm sure part of it is just his age.

We have a punching bag out in the garage.  We told our son, whose anger tends to be more explosive, that he can go out and punch on it when he is feeling angry.  He very rarely does...maybe once a year, MAYBE.  I think just knowing that it is there helps him keep everything in check.  IDK...it's weird. 

IMO, anger gets a bad rap.  It's an emotion just like any other.  There are just appropriate and and inappropriate ways to express it.  That's what we tend to focus on:  appropriate ways to express it.

 

 

 

My Grandson is 2 and a half.  That sweet little boy has been replaced by the devil.  But for only a time.  My daughter has expressed much of what you have said here.  It's a tough time in their little lives.  They can't process, they are just beginning to really see and experience all that is around them.  They are in overload.  You are doing fine, Mom.  Dad is as well.  Just be consistent and firm, caring and loving and in time you will get past this.  :)

furbabymum
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:13 AM

 This is a terrifying concept! lol

Quoting ..MoonShine..:

I gotta say...you're coming into a tough time as it is. Three (for most parents I know) is worse than two. 

I can definitely sympathize. Our 6 yo is a yeller. He yells at us...a lot. I've known for a long time that it's my fault. I was a yeller for too much of his three-four year old stage. It seemed to be the only way to get him to listen. I know better now, but the damage has been done. We're working on getting him to express himself differently. 

 

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