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There's Something Absolutely Wrong With What We Do To Boys Before They Grow Into Men

Posted by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:30 PM
  • 58 Replies
4 moms liked this

 http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men

In the link is a trailer for a movie about what happens to boys when they are pushed and shoved into a masculine archetype instead of being viewed as whole human beings.

A lot of people think feminism cares only about women.  Untrue.  Feminism is about ending the harm gender stereotypes creates in people and respecting both men and women as whole people.  Men and women both face sexism, and it is harmful to everyone. 

What did you guys think of the video?  Moms of boys... do you tell your son to be a man?  Encourage him to hide his emotions?

by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:30 PM
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TranquilMind
by Platinum Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:31 PM
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 Moms of sons don't have to tell them to suck it up.  They absorb this attitude from their peers and on sports teams. 

I don't encourage it and I know he will be a man soon enough anyway. 

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:34 PM
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 I know.  I have a son and a daughter.  I know they will both be exposed to harmful stereotypes and be pressured by their peers to conform to societal standards for their genders.  But I'm bothered by it a great deal and I do my best to foster a whole-person reverence for them at home.  They are only 3 and 5, but I still worry.  I don't see things changing THAT quickly. 

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Moms of sons don't have to tell them to suck it up.  They absorb this attitude from their peers and on sports teams. 

I don't encourage it and I know he will be a man soon enough anyway. 

 

thatgirl70
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:36 PM

I haven't watched the video, but from your question, I just tell him (more or less) to just be himself. He can cry if he needs to, etc. He still prefers boy stuff (toys and that such), but it's not something I've pushed on him. He is just who he is.

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 My children have both chosen, with no encouragement from me or their father, to gravitate toward traditional gender identities.  My son still likes his nails painted, though lol.  She likes pink and dolls and princesses, he likes villains and trucks and Spiderman.

I don't discourage them from expressing their emotions, either one, and both of them do so freely, but yeah, they both like "boy" or "girl" things. 

Quoting thatgirl70:

I haven't watched the video, but from your question, I just tell him (more or less) to just be himself. He can cry if he needs to, etc. He still prefers boy stuff (toys and that such), but it's not something I've pushed on him. He is just who he is.

 

TranquilMind
by Platinum Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:41 PM

 I'm not bothered by it a great deal at all, and mine are much older.  They still are who they are intended to be, regardless of outside influences.  What we do at home matters a great deal, I'm convinced. 

The pressure outside against "stereotypes" is more damaging in my view.  They figure it all out. 

Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

 I know.  I have a son and a daughter.  I know they will both be exposed to harmful stereotypes and be pressured by their peers to conform to societal standards for their genders.  But I'm bothered by it a great deal and I do my best to foster a whole-person reverence for them at home.  They are only 3 and 5, but I still worry.  I don't see things changing THAT quickly. 

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Moms of sons don't have to tell them to suck it up.  They absorb this attitude from their peers and on sports teams. 

I don't encourage it and I know he will be a man soon enough anyway. 

 

 

DestinyHLewis
by Destiny on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:49 PM

I don't have boys, 3 girls. I encourage them to be exactly who they are and imagine I'd do the same with a boy if I had one. I have a primpy girly girl older who loves nothing more than your stereotypical girl stuff. My middle dd who is a shoe and fashion fanatic, but is also a hardcore gymnast and typically prefers to wear her athletic wear to school and saves the shoes and frilly stuff for outings. Then I have my youngest who is my tomboy. That kid goes around with her hair covered by a ball cap, sporting running shorts and usually a sparkly top that has some sports theme to it. She wanted nerf guns and a football for Christmas. The all have their own little personalities and I enjoy fostering whatever that may be. 

I will say as a woman I prefer the masculine man. I dated a more sensitive or what I viewed as a feminine guy when I was younger and couldn't deal with it. My husband can be both. Normally your usual everyday mans man, can be sensitive when needed but not over the top. I know that may call criticism for me, it's just how I feel. What I prefer as a woman, and how I'd raise my child are two very differnt things. 

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 6:59 PM
2 moms liked this

 I married my first boyfriend, so I can't say what living with another type of man would be like for me.  But I THINK I'm the opposite of you lol.  My husband hooked me with the emotional, sensitive part of him.  He can also be both and he often is more traditionally masculine, but I think the difference for both of us is that our husbands are capable of expressing their emotions and are not afraid of seeming effeminate for doing so. 

The problem with "traditional masculinity" in our culture is that it teaches that a man is less than for having emotions, that they are effeminate and therefore useless (because, obviously, being a woman is an insult).  We make it into a weapon that we use against children to beat them into a stereotype.  They lose all masculinity if they show ANY traits usually associated with women.  Which perpetuates sexism toward women all unwitting.

I agree with you, it doesn't matter what I prefer in a man or what my husband prefers in a woman, it is about what my children are and letting them be that.

Quoting DestinyHLewis:

I don't have boys, 3 girls. I encourage them to be exactly who they are and imagine I'd do the same with a boy if I had one. I have a primpy girly girl older who loves nothing more than your stereotypical girl stuff. My middle dd who is a shoe and fashion fanatic, but is also a hardcore gymnast and typically prefers to wear her athletic wear to school and saves the shoes and frilly stuff for outings. Then I have my youngest who is my tomboy. That kid goes around with her hair covered by a ball cap, sporting running shorts and usually a sparkly top that has some sports theme to it. She wanted nerf guns and a football for Christmas. The all have their own little personalities and I enjoy fostering whatever that may be. 

I will say as a woman I prefer the masculine man. I dated a more sensitive or what I viewed as a feminine guy when I was younger and couldn't deal with it. My husband can be both. Normally your usual everyday mans man, can be sensitive when needed but not over the top. I know that may call criticism for me, it's just how I feel. What I prefer as a woman, and how I'd raise my child are two very differnt things. 

 

MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 7:16 PM
1 mom liked this

All of my sons are who they are.  Period.  Genetics determines a lot and the rest is environment to only an extent.  They all have traits that remind me of others in the family.  They've all gone through stages and phases, but always exhibited more masculine traits than say or daughter.  I don't see any thing wrong with raising children along gender lines.   

AtiFreeFalls
by Silver Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 7:23 PM
There's nothing wrong with it unless you are belittling your boys into being more masculine, you know?

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

All of my sons are who they are.  Period.  Genetics determines a lot and the rest is environment to only an extent.  They all have traits that remind me of others in the family.  They've all gone through stages and phases, but always exhibited more masculine traits than say or daughter.  I don't see any thing wrong with raising children along gender lines.   

Ladyteancum
by Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 8:12 PM

My son came out all rough and tough. He loves football, baseball, basketball. Dirt, bikes, shooting, fishing. He has been playing tackle football for 2 years. He loves it. He gets mad if I even joke about getting him pink stuff.  He is a little man who is all boy. His sister is a princess girl. Pink and girlie. They just came that way.

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