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What would you do if you were taken to Vegas to tie the knot in forced marriage??

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Kidnapped Bride Taken to Vegas to Tie the Knot in Forced Marriage

by Jenny Erikson 

You’ve heard of a shotgun wedding, right? Well, what about a “my boyfriend kidnapped me at knifepoint and took me to Vegas to force my hand” wedding? Virginia Valdez unfortunately has, and now her (presumably ex-) boyfriend is being held on kidnapping charges.

Thomas Martin Pfeiffer was arrested for several charges, including kidnapping, fourth-degree assault, and unlawful use of a weapon. The 22-year-old allegedly forced his 23-year-old girlfriend and their 22-month-old daughter into his car by threatening her with a knife.

He told her they were headed to Las Vegas to make their union official. They stopped once overnight on the 30-hour road trip from their Washington home, but Valdez said she felt too secluded to try to escape.

The next morning, she waited until they had to stop for gas, and at the Baker Truck Corral in Baker City, Oregon, she got out, lay on the ground, and started screaming for help. Good girl!

The cops came, they arrested the baby daddy, and set his bail at $155,500. If convicted, he faces up to five years and 10 months in jail.

Note to dudes everywhere -- marriages that start out at knifepoint rarely last. Try flowers or jewelry next time.

Please tell me your proposal story is way better than this? What would you do if this happened to you?

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 9:27 AM
Replies (41-44):
MSJAP2010
by Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 12:57 PM
Wow!! I thought when my husband proposed was weird lol. We were talking one night & he just said well, lets just get married lol. I said ok & we've been happily married for 3 years lol
paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Jan. 2, 2014 at 1:01 PM

That guy is certifiable! How did he think this was going to end?

pixie92
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 3:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I also want to add sometimes there are no signs. My second exboyfriend showed no signs. He wasn't jealous, he didn't get upset at anything, didn't have anything mean to say hardly ever about anyone ect. then I broke up with him and when I went back to his place to grab some things I left there he came home, locked me in his room and sat there with a gun threatening to kill me. My now exhusband didn't show signs or act rude til he hit 40 and went through a midlife crisis. My kids, friends, and family all watched his personality change. The last two years of our marriage was really bad and hard which is why I made sure I got where I needed to be so I could kick him out. Luckily he never became physically abusive but I also made it damn clear from the first date what would happen if he ever became physical with my kids or me and he knew I was serious.

Quoting Aestas:

I don't think that women miss the signs because they are being shallow. It's just that we're not taught to recognize them, and it many cases, we are actually socialized to misunderstand them. We learn from stories, movies, peers, and culture that jealousy, for instance, can be a sign that someone really values you and doesn't want to lose you. We learn that "passionate" relationships are exciting and desirable. We learn that when you find your soul mate, it may be "love at first sight" or result in a whirlwind romance. Women learn that it's important to find and keep a man, so when we meet a charming, smart, fun, successful man who is absolutely smitten with us and is eager to marry and start a family, we think we've lucked out. It's not a woman's fault for being confused by these cultural messages; it's the culture that needs to change in order to provide healthier models of relationships.

Even if you have known someone for years, you can't always predict what he'll be like once you're in a sealed commitment with him. There is a common misperception that abusers have anger-management problems, and so you might think you can glean useful information from how he reacts to upsetting situations or how he treats other people, but that's not always the case. In fact, most abusers can be very charming and thoughtful, and they are often well-liked within their communities.

Learning the warning signs of abuse takes more than "looking carefully." You have to know what you're looking for. By the time he is screaming at you, calling you names, hitting you, or doing other things that are easy to recognize as being abusive, you are often already so enmeshed in the relationship that it is very hard to get away. It often starts with things that are so subtle, they're difficult or impossible to pin down. For example, he may "forget" to text or call when he said he would and then be very apologetic and berate himself for his forgetfulness when you ask him about it. You think, anyone could forget something; I should give him the benefit of the doubt. You're not going to jump to the conclusion that he is abusive. Next, he might say something like, "I think it's wonderful that you and your mother are so close, but have you ever noticed how she's always criticizing you? I care about you so much, it really hurts me to hear her say all those unkind things to you." And maybe your mother does criticize you sometimes, and it's nice that he cares so much.

Those things could be early warning signs, or not, and the only way to know for sure is to have some good knowledge of what a pattern of warning signs looks like so that you're able to recognize what's happening, if it's happening. Most of us don't have that knowledge. Most of our parents and friends don't have that knowledge, either, and we don't learn it in school. Many women in abusive relationships don't realize what's happening until they've already become isolated from their friends and family, or until they've already moved in together or quit their jobs to stay at home with a new baby or gotten married.

It's not because these women aren't paying attention; it's because abuse is generally nothing like the cultural stereotype of a macho, angry guy who's always throwing things (at least, not at first) and the warning signs are hard to decipher. And it can be months or years before things escalate to the point that more obvious things are happening, by which time the subtle emotional abuse has often done its work on you, causing you to doubt your own perceptions and understanding of the situation.

And it can happen to absolutely anyone, no matter how smart, successful, independent, responsible, and cautious she is.

It doesn't help a woman in that situation to admonish her, "This is what I think you should have done." It helps to say, "I'm here for you, you don't deserve to be treated this way, and it's not your fault. What can I do to help?"

Quoting lga1965:

 YES!!  Exactly. That was what I said except you are so much more eloquent. I would never have a baby with or even marry someone unless I had known him for years, knew his family and watched their interaction and knew his friends and observed them and saw his reaction to significant life events. THEN I would marry him . And I don't think it is wise to have children with someone who is reluctant to be a father,either, or is too narcissistic .


Yes, there are signs and you can see them if you are looking carefully but nowdays many young women are too busy seeking a cute muscular sexy man who is good in bed  ( really shallow things to look for in a man  ) and ignoring the most important factors in the man---the man's behavior, his friends and family and his values.


Quoting Aestas:

There may have been signs. Unfortunately, the signs tend to be very subtle, and women are not taught to recognize them before it's too late. Additionally, signs that are obvious enough to recognize often do not appear until the abuser feels secure in his control--for example, after moving in together, having a baby, or getting married.


The problem of abuse has absolutely nothing to do with unwed mothers; there is no causal relationship there. However, it is a common tactic of abusers to push for lots of commitment very quickly, including marriage. So better advice would be to take things slowly, trust your feelings if something makes you uncomfortable, even if it seems silly, and pick up a book like Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? that can help you recognize the warning signs of a potentially abusive partner before it's too late.


And above all, realize that you are never to blame for someone else's choice to abuse you and that help is available when you're ready to reach out.


One more thing: studies have shown that reproductive coercion is a factor in about 75% of abusive relationships. This can include anything from sabotaging your birth control or trying to prevent you from getting it to forcing you to have an abortion against your will. So a woman having a baby with an abusive partner is often not a "choice" in any meaningful sense.


Quoting lga1965:

 this is how I feel too. If you're paying attention, there would definitely be signs that would warn you .


AND, just my opinion: This is one good reason to not have a baby with a boyfriend. You have to make sure the guy is normal by spending a lot of time with him, then get married if he's a good man and thenhave kids.  Having a child is too important to just pop one out with no thought and no planning. ( And don't anyone tell me how your BC didn't work....RME)


Quoting valrubio: Your nuts if you think in the at least 2 years they were together that the guy was a super awesome gentleman who treated her with every respect and then magically woke up one day and held her and their child by knife point.


Quoting pixie92: Yup cause you always know who is gonna turn crazy...... not.




Quoting valrubio: There is no way I would ever give a guy would would pull some shit like that the time of day. So it wouldn't happen to me.

 




 


pixie92
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 3:18 PM
He thought they would be married, raise their child and live happily ever after. Like you stated he is crazy.

Quoting paganbaby:

That guy is certifiable! How did he think this was going to end?

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