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The Anus Monologues

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:56 AM
  • 86 Replies
1 mom liked this


Unable to comment on the "Duck Dynasty" controversy last week due to my hectic Kwanzaa schedule, I am able to sweep in at the end and comment on the commentary.

Anyone who utters the mind-numbingly obvious point that A&E's suspension of "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson doesn't involve the First Amendment because a TV network is not the government, should be prohibited from ever talking in public again. You can bore your few remaining friends with laborious statements of the obvious, but stop wasting everyone else's time.

We know A&E is not the government. It may shock your tiny little pea brains, but free speech existed even before we had a Constitution. Free speech is generally considered a desirable goal even apart from its inclusion in the nation's founding document.

Suppose TV networks were capitulating to angry Muslims by suspending people for saying they opposed Sharia law? Would that prompt any of you pusillanimous hacks to finally take a position on the state of free speech in America?

Or would you demand that we stop the presses so you could roll out your little cliche about a television network not being the government? That fact has very little relevance to someone whose life has just been ruined. Hey! Don't worry about it -- at least it wasn't the government!

Instead of the government censoring speech, what we have is shock troops of liberal agitators demanding people's heads for the slightest divergence from Officially Approved Liberal Opinion.

Evidently, the word of God is on the banned list. As Robertson himself has said, all he did "was quote from the Scriptures, but they just didn't know it."

His offending remarks delivered to GQ magazine were:

"Everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong. Sin becomes fine ... Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right."

There's absolutely no question but that Robertson accurately summarized biblical strictures. But liberals can't grasp that God is not our imaginary friend, who says whatever we want Him to say, when we want Him to say it. (I promise you, except for venereal disease and eternal damnation, life would be a lot more fun if we were making it up as we went along.)

So they blamed Robertson for Holy Scripture. True, God created the universe and every living thing, but liberals think they can improve on His work.

Since Robertson's interview appeared, I haven't heard as much sophistical nonsense about the New Testament not condemning fornication since I was a teenager in the backseat of a car.

The book of Romans, called "the Cathedral of the Christian faith," provides the clearest explanation of the doctrines of sin. Here are a few catchy verses:

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven ... so that people are without excuse.

"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error ...

"Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."

Also, keep these citations in your back pocket for the next time some sweaty teenage boy tries to convince you Jesus didn't condemn fornication: 1 Corinthians 7:2; Galatians 5:19-20; Jude 1:7; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Romans 13:13; 1 Corinthians 6:13, 18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; and Matthew 5:32.

The lake of fire and burning sulfur (Revelation 21:8) may not sound like a day at the beach, but judging by their hysterical attack on Robertson, our new earthly gods are a lot less forgiving than the real God.

GLAAD instantly condemned Robertson's totally accurate rendition of Holy Scripture as "vile." With refreshing originality, CNN's Piers Morgan called Robertson a "vile bigot."

And it's not just "vile" to cite Holy Scripture. Evidently, it's also vile not to appreciate the joys of anal sex.

What seemed to set liberals off as much as Robertson's Biblical summaries was his statement that he doesn't find anal sex appealing. He said:

"It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."

So now, not only do we all have to support gay marriage, gay wedding cakes and gay soldiers -- but we also have to agree that anal sex sounds peachy! It's like being denounced for saying you prefer vanilla ice cream to chocolate.

To paraphrase an old Jewish line: This is not good for the gays.

Gays have gone from being the bullied to the bullies -- a modern American phenomenon detailed in my book "Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America."

Yes, we know you used to be unfairly victimized. But being beaten up for being gay is simply not the same as having to endure hearing someone opine that anal sex isn't his cup of tea.

A&E didn't dare cross the gays, never anticipating that the Robertson family wouldn't back down -- and the rest of the country wouldn't, either. Even non-Christians can have only contempt for the network's utter cravenness in suspending Robertson for stating basic Christian doctrine.

The first time someone stands up to a bully and the sky doesn't fall, the tyranny is over. The gay mafia was out of control, drunk with power. This time, they got their wings clipped.

Christians, 1; Angry gays: minus 1,000. Cliche-spouting hack TV pundits: I recommend capital punishment.

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by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lizmarie1975
by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:17 AM
5 moms liked this

Anal sex...it's not just for "the gays."

shannonnigans
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:20 AM
2 moms liked this
Wow, three lines in and you already have a dig at black people. Well done.
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mickstinator
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:37 AM
No one is TELLING anyone what to believe. No one is forced to accept anal sex. No one is subjugated to the demands of the other.

However, EVERYONE is allowed to speak his opinion - the intelligent, the dumb, the well-rounded thoughts, and the barely conceived ones. I just can't see how one side is better than the other here. A conservative demand a very popular sect of the country because Jesus. Lots of people don't buy into Jesus. They are offended and angry. They say mean things back.

It's a cat fight, guys. I lodge that no one side was morally superior in this argument and no side "won" this one. IF one side is to blame, well, freedom of speech has never granted freedom from the backlash of your rather obtuse words, no matter how Jesus-y they are.
chanizen
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:40 AM
4 moms liked this
Phil has a right to his opinion and the right to be able to express it.

Others have a right to the opinion that he is a jerk and the right to be able to express it.
candlegal
by Judy on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this

No one won?  Phil still has his job and GLAAD and A & E have egg on their face.  It is all about the money.

Quoting mickstinator: No one is TELLING anyone what to believe. No one is forced to accept anal sex. No one is subjugated to the demands of the other.

However, EVERYONE is allowed to speak his opinion - the intelligent, the dumb, the well-rounded thoughts, and the barely conceived ones. I just can't see how one side is better than the other here. A conservative demand a very popular sect of the country because Jesus. Lots of people don't buy into Jesus. They are offended and angry. They say mean things back.

It's a cat fight, guys. I lodge that no one side was morally superior in this argument and no side "won" this one. IF one side is to blame, well, freedom of speech has never granted freedom from the backlash of your rather obtuse words, no matter how Jesus-y they are.


candlegal
by Judy on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

And that is what happened.

Quoting chanizen: Phil has a right to his opinion and the right to be able to express it.

Others have a right to the opinion that he is a jerk and the right to be able to express it.


romalove
by Roma on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:50 AM
7 moms liked this

A whole bunch of stupid.

Everyone is permitted their speech, they just aren't permitted it without consequences.  If Phil can state what he thinks about gay people and sin, others can state what they think about Phil saying such a thing, and what they think about the statements in general.

I don't understand why people get upset that there was backlash against the statements Phil made, even if they think it was the word of God.  So what?  What gives you the idea that you can say whatever you want without oppositional speech?

Queenme101
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:53 AM
1 mom liked this
That's funny because Jesus didn't hang out with the wealthy and those with a holier than thou attitude. He spent his time with the ones who were looked down upon. Hmmmmmm.
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candlegal
by Judy on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this

such as Phil.

Quoting Queenme101: That's funny because Jesus didn't hang out with the wealthy and those with a holier than thou attitude. He spent his time with the ones who were looked down upon. Hmmmmmm.


Queenme101
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:58 AM
2 moms liked this
Try again.

Quoting candlegal:

such as Phil.

Quoting Queenme101: That's funny because Jesus didn't hang out with the wealthy and those with a holier than thou attitude. He spent his time with the ones who were looked down upon. Hmmmmmm.


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