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One thing from the Shriver Report . . . women expecting to depend on men for income

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2014 at 9:43 AM
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http://shriverreport.org/

I saw Maria Shriver's interview on Meet the Press. I was SO GLAD she mentioned that women have to start looking at things differently: Women need to stop expecting or thinking men are automatically going to support them.

She reported that 1 in 3 women is really skating on thin ice regarding finances -- in bad financial shape.

Having been brought up during the height of the feminist movement, and, luckily, having a father who always told me I had to depend on myself for money (and he supported me 100% going to college), it never ever ever crossed my mind that I would get married and the man would support me just because I have a vagina (even though I also am fully aware that women's pay equity, well, is not there/equal).

Therefore, I have been really really surprised at the number of women of my generation and especially those who are younger who figured -- and I will be blunt -- that because they have vaginas (aka the Golden Uterus), they get a free financial ride. WTF is this about?!

This way of thinking is not working. I can't even grasp where this way of thinking comes from. Someone help me out here! 

by on Jan. 15, 2014 at 9:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
romalove
by Roma on Jan. 15, 2014 at 9:56 AM
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A small story:

I grew up in a traditional family, dad went off to work, mom stayed home with the four kids and did not work.  Dad would go from job to job (his career path is not unusual in his chosen career) and sometimes would be out of work, and the family had financial struggles.  Mom insisted she didn't have any skills with which to make a living and certainly not any that would also pay for babysitting.

So, it was drummed into my head that I should make sure I had marketable skills.  I learned word processing in high school and went off to work after high school (my family did not help me go to college so I did that on my own over a period of many years, nights and weekends, while working/raising kids), secure in the idea that I would not be in my mother's shoes.

And then the world moved on.  No one does word processing anymore.  No one even heard of the machines I was trained on.

I am lucky because I have always found ways to make myself employable or to employ myself.  The lesson, though, is women need not only to prepare to work so they can be financially stable but that they need to constantly keep up with trends and learn what's new so they can always keep themselves relevant.

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 9:57 AM
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I'm with you. Once after divorce we had to go for child support modification because I made more than him, ha. Both of my kids are professionals, and married professionals. I'm glad about that. My daughter got a terrific job offer in another state. Her husband told her to follow it, theres no way he could hold her back, they make the same amount of money....he'll just transfer to where she is.
Jack_Squat
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:02 AM
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I agree. I work because I want to, but I make sure I'll be financially OK in the event of a divorce. We have two homes so he can move his happy butt back into our other one if we divorce, and I have my IRA to fall back on if necessary.
GLWerth
by Gina on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:18 AM
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I'm an at-home mom for a variety of reasons, including my husband's unpredictable work schedule. 

So, I'm just a freeloader? Being supported just because I have a vagina?

I keep my skills up to date and could pick up and get a job if I needed to, but it is not necessary right now.

Part of the point of the feminist movement was for women to have choices. Those choices sometimes including staying home and raising a family that way.

Sisteract
by Whoopie on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:33 AM

I went to college in the mid to late 70s. My parents made it very clear that I needed to have the ability to take care of myself and my family. ALWAYS. For this reason and others, I have worked in the same profession for the last 35 years. It worked well forour family, and I have imparted the same philosophy on my daughter. 

Interestingly, my parents had a more traditional marriage- my mom did not work when I was younger (I am the oldest), but returned to teaching when my youngest brother hit elementary school.

I think it's much harder to leave and return to the workforce in our current economic times.

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:34 AM
Women still act this way because women are still raised this way. Doing things on your own "drives off" men who want to be the provider and the alpha. Just like telling girls to act dumber than they are so the guy can feel smarter. Women are still taught that if they don't have a man, their lives are incomplete and somewhat wasted.
There were many people who believed that me not being married until my late thirties was worse than bizarre, it was reckless and life ruining. Men are here to succeed. Women are here to help then excel and have their babies.
Thank god my parents didn't subscribe to that
Sisteract
by Whoopie on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:40 AM
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My daughter lives in Latin America and is married to an Ecuadorian.

Even though many women do not work in Latin America (they are  referred to as "maintained"), educated women do- and the men are just A-OK with it. I thought there would be more of an issue, but there is not. I guess money talks, no matter the culture-LOL

Quoting AdrianneHill: Women still act this way because women are still raised this way. Doing things on your own "drives off" men who want to be the provider and the alpha. Just like taking girls to act dumber than they are so the guy can feel smarter. Women are still taught that if they don't have a man, their lives are incomplete and somewhat wasted. There were many people who believed that me not being married until my late thirties was worse than bizarre, it was reckless and life ruining. Men are here to succeed. Women are here to help then excel and have their babies.
Thank god my parents didn't subscribe to that


SlightlyPerfect
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:41 AM
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I feel the same way as you. I couldn't care less about what others are doing. We know what's optimal for our family.


Quoting GLWerth:

I'm an at-home mom for a variety of reasons, including my husband's unpredictable work schedule. 

So, I'm just a freeloader? Being supported just because I have a vagina?

I keep my skills up to date and could pick up and get a job if I needed to, but it is not necessary right now.

Part of the point of the feminist movement was for women to have choices. Those choices sometimes including staying home and raising a family that way.

SnapIt
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:44 AM
2 moms liked this
"" Women need to stop expecting or thinking men are automatically going to support them.""

Ive been saying this for a looong time, even on here.

The ole excuse of im a sahm and he has to support me bullcrap is OLD.
Stay working even if its PT
His money wont be your money like you think, if you ever divorce.
Thats when most women learn their lesson.
The other stay miserable and make everyone around them miserable thinking he owes her because she had the kid and she wasnt working.
Yeah keep thinking that
Support yourself from the get go and continue to support yourself after kids too.
His money is his
Your money is yours
And then you can combine what you both want together
One shouldnt expect for the other to support a household of bills, food, clothes, vacations, misc things, etc
That burden shouldnt be place on one shoulder and always be prepared to support yourself no matter what the situation is

Have your own goals in your life and dont make the kids the goal
Sisteract
by Whoopie on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this

And that's the way it should be...what's best for each family.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect: I feel the same way as you. I couldn't care less about what others are doing. We know what's optimal for our family.


Quoting GLWerth:

I'm an at-home mom for a variety of reasons, including my husband's unpredictable work schedule. 

So, I'm just a freeloader? Being supported just because I have a vagina?

I keep my skills up to date and could pick up and get a job if I needed to, but it is not necessary right now.

Part of the point of the feminist movement was for women to have choices. Those choices sometimes including staying home and raising a family that way.


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