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My Father Passed This Morning

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:46 PM
  • 60 Replies

My older sister contacted me about an hour ago that my father is in critical condition. He has been in hospice for the past 6 months suffering from the final stages of dementia. It hasn't been the best father daughter relationship, so I'm battling with mixed emotions. I hate that he is starving to death, and I hate the shell that is left of what was once my father. 

How can you love someone and hate their actions? I never want to die like he is dying, it's cruel and painful. 


At 7:15 am this morning my father passed away. I did not get the chance to go see him one last time. Thanks you ladies for your kind words. He is no longer suffereing, I will find my own peace eventually. 

by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RandRMomma
by Maya on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:52 PM
I'm so sorry!! I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
hismommy2010
by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 6:55 PM
2 moms liked this

 I don't kno what his actions were, and you don't need to get into that. However, I do feel that we can still love and care for people who have done wrong things. That's un-conditional love.

If you are able to be there, and see him - I think you should. It wouldn't be just for him, but for you as well. I don't want you to regret it, because there would be no going back to change your mind later.

This may be the closure you need. Besides, I think we can say I love you - one more time, and make peace with things in the end. No matter what his actions were, he's still your father. And I don't think it's worth you holding on to any regret later in life.

RandRMomma
by Maya on Mar. 6, 2014 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this
To answer your question: I don't know. It depends on what the person's actions were. My biological mother and I have no relationship, and I couldn't care less about her. But, i would never wish for any harm or ill will to come her way. I cannot say that I love her. I am human and I cannot stand to see even the worst of mankind go through things like this.
Proud2baMuslim
by Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to hear to hear that he is living what are probably his last days in such suffering. Sometimes it is better to just let them go knowing it will put an end to his suffering. I'm sending him good thoughts that his suffering will ease and he go in some peace. I'm also sending you good thoughts in hopes that you accept it would be better for him to go in as much comfort and peace as possible.

We have the same thing going on in our family. My ex husband has no more functioning liver, kidneys, or bladder. The only working organs in his body are his brain and his heart which is in very bad shape. He was in the hospital for 2 months and every night almost the doctors would sit us down and tell us it was the end and he wont make it through the night. He is now with his sister but he just lays there and is only existing. Every 48 hours he has to go into the hospital for several hours and have 6 liters of water removed from his stomach that a working liver would have processed.

We have a huge family and I am the only one who will except these are his last days and am prepared to let him pass. We have been divorced for 16 years but love each other more than a brother and sister. His passing will be a great loss but to be honest I wish he would hurry up and pass because just laying there suffering and basically only breathing air and existing is no way to live and there is no chance of recovery. It hurts more to see him every day in this condition. He is over 6 feet tall and only weighs about 90 pounds if that. I will miss him but I be happy for him when he passes and the suffering is over.

As far you and your father not having a good relationship, I don't know the details but don't dwell on that and hold guilt over it. It's all water under the bridge now and what's done is done and there is no point in you beating yourself up over some thing that can't be changed.

If he is able to understand in spite of the dementia just tell him you love him. I wouldn't bother with "I'm sorry" especially if you have nothing to be sorry for. Even if you do like I said it's done, over, and nothing can change whatever has happened and there is no need to go through all that at the time when death is so near.

I'm sure if you could bring yourself to just tell him how much you love him and think of a good memory to share with him if he is able to understand and comprehend that would make him happier than anything anyone could do or say.

If not then please do yourself a favor and don't feel guilt and don't hold a grudge over the past it will just depress you, no good can come out of it.

I wish for your family and you to be able to find some peace in hearts and I hope for him his suffering will ease and he can go in peace.

greenie63
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 7:51 PM
1 mom liked this

You literally made me cry. I have to agree with you. Thanks momma. 

Quoting hismommy2010:

 I don't kno what his actions were, and you don't need to get into that. However, I do feel that we can still love and care for people who have done wrong things. That's un-conditional love.

If you are able to be there, and see him - I think you should. It wouldn't be just for him, but for you as well. I don't want you to regret it, because there would be no going back to change your mind later.

This may be the closure you need. Besides, I think we can say I love you - one more time, and make peace with things in the end. No matter what his actions were, he's still your father. And I don't think it's worth you holding on to any regret later in life.


greenie63
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 7:56 PM

Thank you momma and ((Hugs)). I can't imagine existing just to die in that condition. I wish my dad said he was sorry while still able, but it'll never happen. Part of me has forgiven him, but I'll never forget. I do love him, and it wasn't all bad memories. 

Quoting Proud2baMuslim:

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to hear to hear that he is living what are probably his last days in such suffering. Sometimes it is better to just let them go knowing it will put an end to his suffering. I'm sending him good thoughts that his suffering will ease and he go in some peace. I'm also sending you good thoughts in hopes that you accept it would be better for him to go in as much comfort and peace as possible.

We have the same thing going on in our family. My ex husband has no more functioning liver, kidneys, or bladder. The only working organs in his body are his brain and his heart which is in very bad shape. He was in the hospital for 2 months and every night almost the doctors would sit us down and tell us it was the end and he wont make it through the night. He is now with his sister but he just lays there and is only existing. Every 48 hours he has to go into the hospital for several hours and have 6 liters of water removed from his stomach that a working liver would have processed.

We have a huge family and I am the only one who will except these are his last days and am prepared to let him pass. We have been divorced for 16 years but love each other more than a brother and sister. His passing will be a great loss but to be honest I wish he would hurry up and pass because just laying there suffering and basically only breathing air and existing is no way to live and there is no chance of recovery. It hurts more to see him every day in this condition. He is over 6 feet tall and only weighs about 90 pounds if that. I will miss him but I be happy for him when he passes and the suffering is over.

As far you and your father not having a good relationship, I don't know the details but don't dwell on that and hold guilt over it. It's all water under the bridge now and what's done is done and there is no point in you beating yourself up over some thing that can't be changed.

If he is able to understand in spite of the dementia just tell him you love him. I wouldn't bother with "I'm sorry" especially if you have nothing to be sorry for. Even if you do like I said it's done, over, and nothing can change whatever has happened and there is no need to go through all that at the time when death is so near.

I'm sure if you could bring yourself to just tell him how much you love him and think of a good memory to share with him if he is able to understand and comprehend that would make him happier than anything anyone could do or say.

If not then please do yourself a favor and don't feel guilt and don't hold a grudge over the past it will just depress you, no good can come out of it.

I wish for your family and you to be able to find some peace in hearts and I hope for him his suffering will ease and he can go in peace.


greenie63
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 7:56 PM

Thanks momma. 

Quoting RandRMomma: I'm so sorry!! I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.


lga1965
by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:02 PM

 I am so sorry. My father died of Alzheimers in 1998. I know what you are going through. It is so hard to deal with. I will be thinking about you.

greenie63
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks momma! ((hugs))

Quoting lga1965:

 I am so sorry. My father died of Alzheimers in 1998. I know what you are going through. It is so hard to deal with. I will be thinking about you.


Ziva65
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2014 at 8:09 PM

yes, it's possible certainly to feel the way you do. Can you go and see him? Closure and peace would be good for both of you.

Just try to come to peace with it. He won't be here long, and you want no regrets.

 I'm sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you :)

 

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