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Savior Complex (observation and fluff)

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:11 AM
  • 13 Replies

This is just something I've observed over the last several years and figured it would be a good discussion topic.

I have come across numerous men who seem to have what I have come to call the "savior complex".  Now, none of these men were romantic involvements, but mainly acquaintances.  We'll use one of them as an example as he proved to be the most severe.

The idea that a single woman has been used and abused by past partners and he would be so much better because he will "treat you like a real woman" (please excuse me while I laugh at this).  Even when its pointed out that you were not used, he seems to insist on it.

Holds onto the idea that a single mother is always stressed out, unhappy and needs someone to help her.  Often times will bring up situations past that "prove" their point, sometimes exaggerating what really took place to make it sound as if you were weak and at your breaking point.  Willfully blind to how well you're doing.

Feels that women "need a companion" to feel complete and sees women who enjoy being single as just putting on an act.  Claims they are not truly happy and want a man to come and save them.

This is just one extreme example, obviously.  But I've seen and heard milder variations of this from others.  I find it annoying, honestly. 

What are your thoughts?

by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
randi1978
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:13 AM

I will comment further when I get home from work.  Gotta leave in about 5 mins, LOL.

LiveinJoy
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:13 AM
I don't think I know anyone who fits this description.
4music
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:25 AM
1 mom liked this
I see this type of attitude directed equally at both men and women. It seems that society in general believes that one "needs" a mate to be truly happy/fulfilled/whole.
Seasidegirl
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:48 AM

This is so arrogant and disgusting. I came across a couple of these types when I was single, and would always conclude that these guys were looking for someone to take care of them/to mooch off of.

Ya know, trick the woman into thinking she needs you when you are the one who needs her because your job sucks, you don't have the money you say you have and your life is a shambles.

When you have it together and are confident, with nothing to prove, you don't need to try to make someone feel like a victim.

People amaze me.

 

randi1978
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:08 PM

It's extremely arrogant and patronizing.  And the example used above is from mainly one person whom I know.  He's overly presumptuous about things and seems to believe this tripe.  I have heard odds and ends from different guys, but never all of it at once out of just one, LOL. 

Quoting Seasidegirl:

This is so arrogant and disgusting. I came across a couple of these types when I was single, and would always conclude that these guys were looking for someone to take care of them/to mooch off of.

Ya know, trick the woman into thinking she needs you when you are the one who needs her because your job sucks, you don't have the money you say you have and your life is a shambles.

When you have it together and are confident, with nothing to prove, you don't need to try to make someone feel like a victim.

People amaze me.



randi1978
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:09 PM

That is true.  I've seen some women who seem to believe this garbage and live for it. 

Quoting 4music: I see this type of attitude directed equally at both men and women. It seems that society in general believes that one "needs" a mate to be truly happy/fulfilled/whole.


momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:36 PM

I think we all want to believe we are special to our partners in a way their other partners have not been.  This can lead to us finding many ways to feel superior to previous partners. (reflecting our own insecurity)  Sometimes this also leads us to characterize our partners as at least formerly weak, incomplete, and deluded--an unintended consequence.    

It's bad manners and bad for the relationship.   

randi1978
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:45 PM

Well, they better seek therapy because it's a huge red flag to me that they have a lot more baggage to deal with than most are prepared for.  Luckily, I have never dated anyone like that.

Quoting momtoscott:

I think we all want to believe we are special to our partners in a way their other partners have not been.  This can lead to us finding many ways to feel superior to previous partners. (reflecting our own insecurity)  Sometimes this also leads us to characterize our partners as at least formerly weak, incomplete, and deluded--an unintended consequence.    

It's bad manners and bad for the relationship.   


preacherskid
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:59 PM

My brother has a sort of "savior" or "knight in shining armor" thing.  I watched him try hard to help a girl who was a good friend of mine, fall for her hard, and I watched her work so hard to change him into something he wasn't.  She did come from an abusive and neglectful childhood, and while he thought his love for her could erase the years of mistreatment and abuse, she thought he needed to be pushed to be a "man".  It was bad all around, she ended up breaking it off with him while he was stationed overseas, he still isn't 100% over her and she has this weird fascination with proving to herself and others he is still pining after her (I stay in touch with her because we were good friends for years, despite her issues).  Watching them spiral into the wreckage of their relationship was hard, and at one point my brother almost married a random girl he met in Korea (chaplain and co talked him into thinking before acting).  He is doing better now, focusing on getting his finances under control and getting to where he can get his own place now that he is out of the military.  I hope that he learned something from the failure of that relationship that will steer him straight from now on.

Sekirei
by Nari Trickster on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:06 PM

I have only  heard that from religious family  members..never to that extreme though

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