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Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Why Nice Women Don't Like Step-Kids

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:13 PM
  • 94 Replies

Why Nice Women Don't Like Step-Kids

If you took the plunge and married someone with children from a previous relationship, you might be wondering what you got yourself into and how you’re going to survive. In retrospect, your love conquers all attitude was merely an untested theory until now. You considered yourself a nice person, but your healthy self-image is faltering as you evolve into the evil step-parent Disney movies warn kids exist. Is this normal? Yes! Bookshelves are filled with “how-to” manuals for dealing with step-kids who loathe their step-parents, but these same shelves lack aids on “how-to” like your detestable step-children.


Some people adore children of any race, creed, or background. “Kid people” adjust and cope with step-children much better than the rest of us. The majority of us find step-children perpetually irksome—for good reasons! We aren’t mean people by nature who set out to destroy lives and disrupt the psychological balance of the young and impressionable. We are simply people who love a spouse who carries baggage that thumps us in the head and gut at every opportunity. If you are tired of hearing the diatribe, but you knew he had kids when you married him, from judgmental bystanders who have never been in the step-parenting trenches, dodge the guilt arrows being launched your direction—you are not a bad person.

To read the rest:

http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Nice-Women-Dont-Like-Step-Kids

by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:14 PM

What do you think about this?  There is a lot more to this article so I encourage everyone who is interested to read more of it.


FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:17 PM

Oh boy.  I need to take some time to read this.

My 14 year old will soon have a 'step mother' and there are already many issues there.  

No one is a bad person when they truly don't like someone else's kid but it boils down to how you treat that kiddo and what leeway the other parent allows.  How often you may, or may not, step over the line.  Sometimes when someone dislikes another person's child they can treat them in a way that can be detrimental to their emotional well being.

I have so learned a lot in regards to step parents and what they should, and should not, be allowed access to in regards to 'parenting' the child of another.


EireLass
by Ruby Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:21 PM
I have 3 steps. I raised my kids (older than his) very differently. Very differently. I'm ok with his middle son. He's respectful, calls dad often, works hard, takes care of himself. The oldest is a drug addict, when we caught her stealing from us, I laid into her, she won't speak to either of us now . The youngest only speaks to dad when he wants money.
PamR
by Pam on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:25 PM
2 moms liked this

My dh had two boys when we married.  There were no real problems.  You have to expect that children are going to go through a period of adjustment where they might act out or be resentful.  If you are patient and try to make a positive relationship, it can be done.  I think step-parents need to be respectful of boundaries with the child - I was not their mother, and I didn't try to act like one.  When they were in our home, their dad was the parent.  They had a mom, they didn't need me to jump in and try to act like one.  I think it's important that you try to have a good relationship if you have children, because these are their siblings.  Now that the kids are grown, I have grandchildren from my stepkids and I love it!

LiveinJoy
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:25 PM
8 moms liked this

I chose to not get involved with a man with children from a previous relationship for various reasons, mostly I didn't want to share my income with his former family and secondly I didn't want to have to half ass parent his kids. I respect people who have blended families but it wasn't a choice I was willing to make. Purely selfish.

Donna6503
by Platinum Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Interesting
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tanyainmizzou
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:32 PM
2 moms liked this

But that is the responsible thing to do.   You knew you didn't want stepkids.  My cousin is in a second marriage and his wife is horrible to the kids from the previous relationship.

Quoting LiveinJoy:

I chose to not get involved with a man with children from a previous relationship for various reasons, mostly I didn't want to share my income with his former family and secondly I didn't want to have to half ass parent his kids. I respect people who have blended families but it wasn't a choice I was willing to make. Purely selfish.


FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:32 PM


Quoting LiveinJoy:

I chose to not get involved with a man with children from a previous relationship for various reasons, mostly I didn't want to share my income with his former family and secondly I didn't want to have to half ass parent his kids. I respect people who have blended families but it wasn't a choice I was willing to make. Purely selfish.

You are not selfish.  You are honest and you knew what you did not want.  I respect that more than those who jump in thinking they can safe the day.

I learned the hard way about giving the step parent too much say so in the children.  My children suffered the consequences.  I will never be able to forgive myself, even though they hold nothing against me.  Fear guided me for years and I am ashamed to realize this.

Now that my youngest is in a position where the soon to be step mother dislikes her, yet claims otherwise but her actions speak louder, it has caused issues that I can see clearly.  


lga1965
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:37 PM

 I only know my daughter in law who is step mother to my grandson and she loves him. They get along extremely well. She is a "nice woman" too. I resent this article a whole lot.

I will go back and read it again when I have time but so far I object to the idea that a nice girl/woman would have problems with step children. Seems like an unfair stereotype.

lga1965
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:39 PM

 

Quoting PamR:

My dh had two boys when we married.  There were no real problems.  You have to expect that children are going to go through a period of adjustment where they might act out or be resentful.  If you are patient and try to make a positive relationship, it can be done.  I think step-parents need to be respectful of boundaries with the child - I was not their mother, and I didn't try to act like one.  When they were in our home, their dad was the parent.  They had a mom, they didn't need me to jump in and try to act like one.  I think it's important that you try to have a good relationship if you have children, because these are their siblings.  Now that the kids are grown, I have grandchildren from my stepkids and I love it!

 :) That's nice.

 I agree.

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