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my daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. She's 11.

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:18 AM
  • 17 Replies
2 moms liked this
For the most part, she is. Obviously, there are some things that we decide, but she makes most of her own decisions. If she's unsure about something, we don't decide for her. We ask her questions to help her think it out and make her own. She's a highly intelligent kid with a good head on her shoulders. How much control do you allow your kids to have over their own lives?
by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
romalove
by Roma on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:20 AM
My daughter is 18 and I make few decisions for her.
dawnie1
by #1 Raider fan on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:20 AM

Okay. She is your kid. You know her best. Seems like a good way to get her started on independent thinking and mature reasoning.

1stmuslimah
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:22 AM

That's pretty much how it is and always has been with us. She is 16 now but I have been that way with her since she was about 11 and she's a pretty damn smart kid with good in site and judgment.

Devious333
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:23 AM
My parents tried making my decisions for me until the day I moved out.
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SLTmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Mine are still young, but I like that approach.  I think I'll steal it, lol!

Seasidegirl
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:29 AM

I think the dialoguing is extremely important. It's a shame that so many parents do the exact opposite and expect little replicas of themselves, insisting on making all of their children's decisions long after the kids are children. My poor step-daughter, who is 21, isn't allowed to have a thought of her own. She's a stepford kid. Her mom even wants to choose a husband for her.

GLWerth
by Gina on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:35 AM

My 11 and 13 year olds are able to make decisions for themselves. We encourage it.

Better that they make bad decisions now while we're here as a safety net than later on when they are on their own.

When they make a bad one, we talk about what happened and why it wasn't a great decision. Generally, they don't screw up in the same area again, because they know that it was by their own choice that they got where they did.

The five year old is able to decide what to wear most days, but mostly he's a force of nature and needs to be reeled in a bit. Give him a couple of years and he'll be able to make rational, reasoned decisions.

Overall, we give our kids a lot of control of their lives. They know that their freedom comes only as long as they prove that they are responsible enough for it.

LDavis33
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Heck, I allow my 4 year old to make decisions for himself.  The key is to make sure that the decisions we allow our children to make are age appropriate.  We have to balance teaching children to be independant thinkers and teaching children that sometimes we have to do (or not do) things that that we don't want (or want) to do.

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:49 AM

It depends on the issue and in our case is complicated by my son's autism, but he gets to make a lot of his decisions for himself or talks things through with us.  However, there are things in our house that are still nonnegotiable:  working hard in school, keeping up with his homework, helping with household tasks, doing community service projects, and limiting screen time, especially on weekdays.  

GLWerth
by Gina on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:52 AM

With my 5 year old, I find the key is limiting the options.

He's also struggling with the idea that he sometimes has to do things he doesn't want to do. He has struggled with that since the day he was born. I have a feeling he's going to be a rougher ride than the other two were.

Quoting LDavis33:

Heck, I allow my 4 year old to make decisions for himself.  The key is to make sure that the decisions we allow our children to make are age appropriate.  We have to balance teaching children to be independant thinkers and teaching children that sometimes we have to do (or not do) things that that we don't want (or want) to do.


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