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A Straight Man Walks Into a Lesbian Bar: Lessons in Gay Bar Etiquette

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:46 PM
KK
  • 15 Replies

Slate has started a new feature and this first video provides some pretty interesting advice 

you will have to visit the link to play the video as it's not a youtube video.  

Gay Bar Etiquette

The essential advice given is that straight people should not go to gay bars and if they accidently walk into one should turn around and leave.  The only time it's appropriate for straight people to go to a gay bar is if they are attending a fundraiser, a live performance or a Drag show and they are told to tip extra and generously if they do attend.  

I admit I find the advice to be extremely hypocritical.  While I understand the desire to feel safe and comfortable it's hard to argue for equality and access when you are putting signs up outside establishments telling straight people to stay out.   In fact, in some places doing so violates local and state laws.  

by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nuclear_sugar
by Jaye on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:56 PM
I've been to plenty of gay bars in my day, and have never been turned away- even when I was there with my husband. Sometimes we were going for a drag show, but usually we went with a mixed group of friends- some straight, some gay. The gay club in our area was just way cleaner and safer than the other clubs, so we preferred it.

I never got any inclination that we were unwelcome.
JMmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:02 PM
4 moms liked this
We went to gay clubs in college for the same reason. They were cleaner, safer and, frankly, more fun. I never got the feeling we were unwelcome either. Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.

If people are going to gay clubs to gawk at gay people like some type of zoo experiment, that's not ok, but that isn't because they're straight. It's because they are assholes.


Quoting nuclear_sugar: I've been to plenty of gay bars in my day, and have never been turned away- even when I was there with my husband. Sometimes we were going for a drag show, but usually we went with a mixed group of friends- some straight, some gay. The gay club in our area was just way cleaner and safer than the other clubs, so we preferred it.

I never got any inclination that we were unwelcome.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this

The local "Gay Bar" encourages straight people to come.  BUT, there are problems at times.

Say a straight guy goes in hoping to see girl on girl action and is a real pig about it.  Or a gay man hits on a straight man (because nobody really knows) and the straight guy gets offended and causes a big scene.  Or someone accepts tons of drinks and attention from someone, only to reveal at the end their "incompatibility" and walk off after taking away their generous friend's chances at finding a partner.

I think it should all just come down to expected common respect and decency.  No matter where you go:  People aren't meat, don't take advantage of each other, and be nice.

PinkButterfly66
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I would think that if you behave and treat the clientele with respect and courtesy you would be welcome.  

jllcali
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 1:55 AM
I've never heard of a gay bar putting a blanket kibosh on straight patrons. The only time I have heard of any straight people being kicked out of/banned from gay bars is when the straight males were acting like asses in some way.
csxt99
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 2:12 AM

Her advice is incredibly hypocritical, although I do agree with gay people needing to feel safe and be themselves at their clubs and bars.  I agree with what the others have said.  I have never felt unwelcome in a gay bar, nor have I been treated rudely by the wait staff.  Her advice to tip extra and consider it a tax on heterosexuality is seriously ridiculous.

HaileysMamma619
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 2:27 AM

I live close to chicago and go to gay bars for multiple reasons in "boys town" and surrounding areas in the city and I have never even heard of a gay bar asking straight people to leave. That's absurd, many "GAY" people go to "GAY" bars with straight friends all the time and "invite" there straight friends to come along with them. In my college years, I even worked at a bisexual club that had drag shows, and I was straight. So i find this very hard to believe. 

Clairwil
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:29 AM


Quoting csxt99:

Her advice is incredibly hypocritical

Why?

All she's saying is "Please bear in mind that you have lots of places you can go, but we've only got a few."

Suppose a theatre with 100 seats had 4 of those seats specially adapted so people with hearing difficulties could plug an earset into a socket in the seat.   How would you feel about someone with perfectly good hearing taking one of those seats, because they liked the way that the people who usually sat there kept it nice and clean, and didn't leave popcorn everywhere?

csxt99
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:32 AM

That's simple.  Don't scream and fight for acceptance, then demand that the same people you want acceptance from must be excluded from 'your' establishments.

Quoting Clairwil:


Quoting csxt99:

Her advice is incredibly hypocritical

Why?

All she's saying is "Please bear in mind that you have lots of places you can go, but we've only got a few."

Suppose a theatre with 100 seats had 4 of those seats specially adapted so people with hearing difficulties could plug an earset into a socket in the seat.   How would you feel about someone with perfectly good hearing taking one of those seats, because they liked the way that the people who usually sat there kept it nice and clean, and didn't leave popcorn everywhere?


Clairwil
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:23 AM


Quoting csxt99:
Quoting Clairwil:
Quoting csxt99:

Her advice is incredibly hypocritical

Why?


That's simple.  Don't scream and fight for acceptance, then demand that the same people you want acceptance from must be excluded from 'your' establishments.

She didn't demand that.

She certainly didn't demand anything of the government, or even of the individuals who own the venues.

She was asked her advice on what is polite in that situation, and gave it.


Do churches demand that heavy metal fans wearing T-shirts with blasphemous slogans be banned from entering churches?  No.

Would a preacher, if asked by a heavy metal fan whether it was polite for the fan to enter a church while wearing such a T-shirt, give their honest advice?  Yes.

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