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Break the Cycle?

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:42 PM
  • 34 Replies
1 mom liked this

Poverty is normally a viscious cycle. Not always but many times it goes for generations.


I was thinking the PA thread that we are arguing about what should be allowed to be bought, etc.


I think a better question is how do you break that cycle? 

I know too many people on public assistance who never seem to be able to break out of it.  There are a variety of reasons for it (and yes, sometimes it is because of very poor choices) but how do we teach our children not to fall into that trap.

I grew up pretty low income (I wouldn't say poverty level but close) and had a great childhood. However, my parents knew where they went wrong and really stressed education. THey were both hard working and gave us a good work ethic. But, my Dad never took school seriously and never had the kind of job he really wanted.  My mom was more successful with her career but regrets not doing more because she came from an immigrant, Italian family where women did not work.

Anyway, I think the bigger question is how to break the cycle of poverty so the next generation does better?


by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 8:55 PM
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I grew up poor, due to my father deciding to be a minister and then a missionary, but culturally we were not poor. Our house was full of books on many languages, we went to museums and concerts, and we were expected to do well on school. All of us have graduate degrees and stable careers.
My parents are no longer poor, either, because of career shifts they made later in life.
Education and expectations are definitely important.
Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. I have a friend whose only expectation of her daughter is "to be a good mommy". My skin crawls when I hear that. 

I always knew collage was an expectation. My daughters know college and gradaute school is something that is important for their future.

Quoting momtoscott: I grew up poor, due to my father deciding to be a minister and then a missionary, but culturally we were not poor. Our house was full of books on many languages, we went to museums and concerts, and we were expected to do well on school. All of us have graduate degrees and stable careers. My parents are no longer poor, either, because of career shifts they made later in life. Education and expectations are definitely important.


jcrew6
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:17 PM

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?

PamR
by Pam on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:20 PM
5 moms liked this

Education. Making higher education, whether it's 4 year college or trade school, something that poor people can actually envision being able to attend because it isn't financially out if reach. Mentor young women who are at highest risk of becoming pregnant as teens to try to keep them focused on a future that isn't just having babies. 

Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:22 PM
2 moms liked this

I have the same question. I hear it too many times from parents in my area..."As long as they are happy" or "I know he is not college material". That last one I have heard more than once and it dumbfounds me.  My neighbor said this about her son when he was in 3rd grade!

I want my kids to be happy but realistic. They need to finish college before getting married and having kids.

Quoting jcrew6:

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?


Mrs.Pedro
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this

 Education... Not just book education but life education. Instill how important it is to do your best in all things, wait to have kids, HOW to wait to have kids, teach them the family history, tell them to reach for their dreams, and to work hard. Make going to school and doing well in school important and look like more than the hard work they will have to do today. Teach them to look for love in the right places and the right people, so that they are less likely to settle for someone who is not willing to work hard to make their dreams come true. They have to see the value in hard work and see how important it is to never give up and to strive for more. More importantly they need to be shown the value in themselves... Too many people give up and think they aren't good enough for some jobs that they may very well be plenty good enough for, and they would know that if they didn't count themselves out and not apply to the job.

My whole family is poor... I would say out of 4 generations I'm probably doing the best so far, and that's really saying something considering I didn't graduate college(my mom did, but isn't currently able to work), married early and had kids early. Between a bunch of unfortunate circumstances, not striving for better, giving up when the times got hard, not being creative enough, and more importantly not seeing the value of worth in themselves my whole family lived their lives below poverty. I find myself counting myself out a lot of times... "I couldn't do that"... "They won't take me since I don't look very good"... "They won't hire me because I'm no good enough"... "They won't hire me because I don't have the education for it". So I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to strivin for more, but I can't figure out how to stop that mindset that is so detrimental(and I know this is something I was taught by watching my mom do the same to herself).

snookyfritz
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:26 PM
3 moms liked this

The large portion of our poor are children and single moms.  Your dad had a great support system with a mom and a dad to count on.  Single moms working sometimes 3 jobs can't give that kind of support.  The stress, depression and self medicating for these issues or just straight up exhaustion, makes it difficult for these moms.  Support, support, support.  Makes all the difference

Quoting jcrew6:

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?


Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:34 PM
2 moms liked this

It would be even better if we had a better education system. Most poor kids (at least in major cities) go to public schools that are not that great. It would be nice if these poor children were getting the kind of education that would motivate them.

I went to one of the worst public high schools in Philadelphia.  I was told by a guidance counselor that a girl like me would be lucky if I could get into beauty school. I would love to find her now and tell her I am working on my PhD and how what she said to me motivated me to prove her wrong but another teenage girl could have listened to her and felt poorly about themselves.

Quoting snookyfritz:

The large portion of our poor are children and single moms.  Your dad had a great support system with a mom and a dad to count on.  Single moms working sometimes 3 jobs can't give that kind of support.  The stress, depression and self medicating for these issues or just straight up exhaustion, makes it difficult for these moms.  Support, support, support.  Makes all the difference

Quoting jcrew6:

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?



snookyfritz
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:38 PM

Yup, unfortunately this is not a one size fits all world

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

It would be even better if we had a better education system. Most poor kids (at least in major cities) go to public schools that are not that great. It would be nice if these poor children were getting the kind of education that would motivate them.

I went to one of the worst public high schools in Philadelphia.  I was told by a guidance counselor that a girl like me would be lucky if I could get into beauty school. I would love to find her now and tell her I am working on my PhD and how what she said to me motivated me to prove her wrong but another teenage girl could have listened to her and felt poorly about themselves.

Quoting snookyfritz:

The large portion of our poor are children and single moms.  Your dad had a great support system with a mom and a dad to count on.  Single moms working sometimes 3 jobs can't give that kind of support.  The stress, depression and self medicating for these issues or just straight up exhaustion, makes it difficult for these moms.  Support, support, support.  Makes all the difference

Quoting jcrew6:

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?



jcrew6
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:38 PM

Where did I mention a grandmother? I think you may have assumed. 

Quoting snookyfritz:

The large portion of our poor are children and single moms.  Your dad had a great support system with a mom and a dad to count on.  Single moms working sometimes 3 jobs can't give that kind of support.  The stress, depression and self medicating for these issues or just straight up exhaustion, makes it difficult for these moms.  Support, support, support.  Makes all the difference

Quoting jcrew6:

My father grew up poor.  the land my grandfather owned (and farmed) was handed down to him from his family he lived with when they immigrated to the US.  The land wasn't worth anything till development happened in the 90's (when we were all older).  My grandfather stressed the importance of education to my father, siblings, and later onto us. Even though they were all up at 4AM working the farm before school, and my grandfather drove a semi truck in the winter to feed the family~ he wanted more for them.  They couldn't afford school books, so my dad would get the books from the library over the summer and memorize them.  He went on to get a full ride to engineering school and became very successful. 

My father often says how easy it would have been to just take over farming and not pursued his education.  Especially since he was from a Mennonite background in an Amish community (where boys often didn't finish high school). But, he didn't.  He had the support of my grandfather who didn't have an education past 6th grade ~but wanted more for his children. 

I often wonder how may parents in low income areas, take an interest in their childrens' education and how many want more for them.

I also think parents today think buying kids name brand clothes, accessories, phones, games, tv's, and cars shows affection moreso than spending time with them.  

THEN, I have read Ben Carson's book and how is single mother encouraged education while working many jobs to feed and clothe them and I think~ where has that mentality to work for success gone in today's youth?



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