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S/O victim blaming (title edit)

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:22 PM
KK
  • 16 Replies

This question has cropped up a few times, and again it came up for me as I was reading another post.   

I've often wondered if the fact that our judicial system is based on the premise that one is innocent until proven guilty plays a significant role in why our society seems so quick to blame the victim.  

Do you think our need to find reasonable doubt in these situations puts us into a state of mind to look for what the victim may have done or not done to contribute to the situation?  Are we conditioned to disbelieve the accuser until they can prove their case?  

edit: I'm removing the plane crash from the title because while it was what made me think of this question again this post is really not specific to it. 

by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Radarma
by "OneDar" on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:40 PM

Surely you realize I was not "victim blaming" in the post this spins from?

I am simply curious HOW something like this even happened.

**shrugs**

Luvnlogic
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:43 PM
4 moms liked this
I don't think it has to do with the justice system. I think it's our way of reassuring ourselves we'll never be victims because we're smart enough to not put ourselves in dangerous situations. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions....kwim?
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Luvnlogic: I don't think it has to do with the justice system. I think it's our way of reassuring ourselves we'll never be victims because we're smart enough to not put ourselves in dangerous situations. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions....kwim?

I get ya.

There are some situations that I think, had we made better choices, we would not have found ourselves in.

But overall, when one is a victim we certainly do not want to be in that position so we are going to find ways, in our minds, to assure ourselves, while telling others, what we would have done differently to prevent X from happening.

I did not see any victim blaming in that thread.


Luvnlogic
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:54 PM
2 moms liked this
I didn't read the thread this spun from so I'm just speaking about what makes sense to me. I think true victim blaming is trying to absolve the perpetrator from consequences due to the actions of the victim. I'm not down with that. Perps should still be held accountable. But asking questions about why the victim ended up in that situation seems to be more about humans trying to lessen our own chances of becoming a victim. If x + y = z, we can simply avoid "x", never do "y", and be safe from "z".

Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting Luvnlogic: I don't think it has to do with the justice system. I think it's our way of reassuring ourselves we'll never be victims because we're smart enough to not put ourselves in dangerous situations. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions....kwim?

I get ya.

There are some situations that I think, had we made better choices, we would not have found ourselves in.

But overall, when one is a victim we certainly do not want to be in that position so we are going to find ways, in our minds, to assure ourselves, while telling others, what we would have done differently to prevent X from happening.

I did not see any victim blaming in that thread.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:59 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting Luvnlogic: I didn't read the thread this spun from so I'm just speaking about what makes sense to me. I think true victim blaming is trying to absolve the perpetrator from consequences due to the actions of the victim. I'm not down with that. Perps should still be held accountable. But asking questions about why the victim ended up in that situation seems to be more about humans trying to lessen our own chances of becoming a victim. If x + y = z, we can simply avoid "x", never do "y", and be safe from "z".
Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting Luvnlogic: I don't think it has to do with the justice system. I think it's our way of reassuring ourselves we'll never be victims because we're smart enough to not put ourselves in dangerous situations. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions....kwim?

I get ya.

There are some situations that I think, had we made better choices, we would not have found ourselves in.

But overall, when one is a victim we certainly do not want to be in that position so we are going to find ways, in our minds, to assure ourselves, while telling others, what we would have done differently to prevent X from happening.

I did not see any victim blaming in that thread.

I agree with you.  There are those who believe that if one questions the actions, so on, of any victim, they are indeed blaming the victim and siding with the perpetrator. I don't see it that way in all cases.

My own rape at age 30, I was indeed the victim of rape.  However, learning from my own actions and such would never put me in that particular position again.  There are always lessons to be learned if we take the time. My own position of taking responsibility for my own actions does not absolve my attacker of his.

Luvnlogic
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:01 PM
Exactly...and I certainly hope your attacker was held accountable to the fullest extent.

Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting Luvnlogic: I didn't read the thread this spun from so I'm just speaking about what makes sense to me. I think true victim blaming is trying to absolve the perpetrator from consequences due to the actions of the victim. I'm not down with that. Perps should still be held accountable. But asking questions about why the victim ended up in that situation seems to be more about humans trying to lessen our own chances of becoming a victim. If x + y = z, we can simply avoid "x", never do "y", and be safe from "z".

Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting Luvnlogic: I don't think it has to do with the justice system. I think it's our way of reassuring ourselves we'll never be victims because we're smart enough to not put ourselves in dangerous situations. We can't control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions....kwim?

I get ya.

There are some situations that I think, had we made better choices, we would not have found ourselves in.

But overall, when one is a victim we certainly do not want to be in that position so we are going to find ways, in our minds, to assure ourselves, while telling others, what we would have done differently to prevent X from happening.

I did not see any victim blaming in that thread.

I agree with you.  There are those who believe that if one questions the actions, so on, of any victim, they are indeed blaming the victim and siding with the perpetrator. I don't see it that way in all cases.

My own rape at age 30, I was indeed the victim of rape.  However, learning from my own actions and such would never put me in that particular position again.  There are always lessons to be learned if we take the time. My own position of taking responsibility for my own actions does not absolve my attacker of his.

supermonstermom
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:02 PM

I am not sure the other post is victim blaming.

I live near this beach, and my children and I play on a different beach 10 miles north of this one weekly.

It is being tossed around that the father was hit by debris not the plane itself.  I don't think there was anywhere for he and his daughter to or much time to react.  It is very sad.


4evrinbluejeans
by KK on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I think when one starts asking what they were doing wrong that made it so they didn't get out of the way then an individual is absolutely looking for a way to blame the victim for what happened to them.  Add in the various forms of "I would be paying attention and it wouldn't happen to me" further solidifies my opinion that it is a form of victim blaming.   

Regardless of that particular post, as I said, it's a question that has come up frequently when I read various posts on this site where one is diminishing the culpability of the the perpatrator by pointing the finger at the behavior of the victim.  Example: judge gives rapist  a 31 day sentence and suggests that they young teen girl he raped was at fault.  

Quoting supermonstermom:

I am not sure the other post is victim blaming.

I live near this beach, and my children and I play on a different beach 10 miles north of this one weekly.

It is being tossed around that the father was hit by debris not the plane itself.  I don't think there was anywhere for he and his daughter to or much time to react.  It is very sad.


D-Town
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:31 PM

Sometimes, people will take a question being asked as victim blaming. Especially when the "victim's" story starts to not make sense. It is unfortunate that there are sick people that will make up stories for whatever reason no one can fathom. So questions should always be asked if there is an interest in truth. We just have to be caareful not to make a mistake and view asking legitimate questions as blaming a victim. 

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:54 PM
2 moms liked this
I believe it is instead a kind of magical thinking and an attempt to control our random universe. Futile, sadly.
I would never wear a skirt that short...walk with my earbuds in...believe that con man... Give my info to a phisher... So I am safe.
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