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Exposed by my children for what I really look like!!

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:22 PM
  • 33 Replies
7 moms liked this

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bridgette-white/exposed-by-my-children-for-what-i-really-look-like_b_5613551.html  (Sorry, I don't know how to make it link. I enjoyed this open self-discovery. It is something I need to work on.  I don't want to pass on my "not good enough to wear that top/those pants/ that skirt..." to my kids.)

My first reaction is shock. Who took this hideous picture of me?

Self-loathing and disgust swell up and threaten to bring me to tears.

Just as I am about to hit "delete," my boy walks in the room.

"Do you know anything about this picture?" I ask him.

I turn the screen so he can see it. He smiles huge.

"I took that of you in Tahoe," he says. "You looked so beautiful lying there. I couldn't help it, Mom."

"You need to ask me before using my phone to take pictures," I say.

"I know," he says. "But Mom, seriously, look how pretty you look!"

I look at the picture again and try to see what he sees.

My daughter walks over and takes a look.

"That could be a postcard, Mom," she says smiling. "You're so beautiful. I love it."

I take a deep breath.

This is exactly what I needed.

My default mode is to see and focus on my flaws and imperfections. I'm starting to see a bit more.

I still see my dimply, fat thighs.

I also see a mom collapsed on the shore who just explored the lake for hours with her children.

I still see chubby arms.

I also see the arms of a mom who just helped her kids across the rocks and hot sand so their feet wouldn't hurt.

I still see a fat woman wearing a black dress bathing suit to try to hide her weight issue.

I also see an adventurous mom who loves her children something fierce.

Like many women, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It's not something that will ever go away for me. I don't have a naturally slim body. Never have.

Right now I'm the heaviest I've been in 10 years. Yet...

I have not let my weight stop me this time. I am wearing tank tops, sundresses and bathing suits in public. I'm running around playing with my kids this summer and I sometimes even feel attractive.

Yes. You heard me.

"I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright!"


Well... not exactly. But something like that.

Is it because I'm getting older? Is it that I have more to worry about than just how I look? Or maybe it's because my kids look at me with such adoring eyes.

Really, it doesn't matter.

I don't hate my body anymore.

That's huge for me to admit, and hard to even wrap my mind around.

I'm not giving up on exercising and getting healthy. Those are things I will continue to strive for, because I want to be around awhile.

Right now, though, I just want to love my body where it is. I want it to be OK to see myself the way my kids do.

Thank you, kids.

by on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Schmoopi
by Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:25 PM

You have awesome kids! Ain't love grand? You know how sometimes they are hard on themselves and don't see how perfect and wonderful they really are? Where do you think they get it from? 

OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:26 PM
3 moms liked this

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!

famiglia_bella
by on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I know!  It made me tear up too.  I admire her reflection and willingness to see what her kids see.  It's such an important thing they did for her.  The love just swallows you up.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!


Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:31 PM
6 moms liked this
My pregnant ass did the same thing lol.
My husband walked in yesterday and I was wearing a new top. He said 'whoa, you look amazing. So radiant'

And my first thought was 'ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!'

Why?? Lol. Because I feel like an oversized frumpy ick fest. I haven't been to the gym the entire first trimester cause I've been so sick and I just feel icky cause all I can do is feed my face.


It was good (when I was logical again) to hear an off the cuff remark that was complimentary.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!

famiglia_bella
by on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I ripped it from HuffingtonPost.  But after reading it and taking it to heart, I did realize how my self-critique is a louder voice than I realized, because I hear my kids echo it.  I'm working on it, and this blog post really has me aware.  I want to love my body. And I definitely want my kids to get it before they are 40, like me.  With all media forms screaming what "ideal" is, the last thing I want to do is be a part of "not good enough" mentality.

Quoting Schmoopi:

You have awesome kids! Ain't love grand? You know how sometimes they are hard on themselves and don't see how perfect and wonderful they really are? Where do you think they get it from? 


OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 Awww...I don't think anyone feels good about themselves when their hormones are chaotic and morning sickness dictates your days.

 I'm sure you look as cute as a button :) 

Quoting Momniscient: My pregnant ass did the same thing lol. My husband walked in yesterday and I was wearing a new top. He said 'whoa, you look amazing. So radiant' And my first thought was 'ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!' Why?? Lol. Because I feel like an oversized frumpy ick fest. I haven't been to the gym the entire first trimester cause I've been so sick and I just feel icky cause all I can do is feed my face. It was good (when I was logical again) to hear an off the cuff remark that was complimentary.
Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!

 

Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks :) My husband is amazing about it all! I laugh at myself but It's a serious issue the way a lot of women internalize and have negative self image.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 Awww...I don't think anyone feels good about themselves when their hormones are chaotic and morning sickness dictates your days.


 I'm sure you look as cute as a button :) 


Quoting Momniscient: My pregnant ass did the same thing lol. My husband walked in yesterday and I was wearing a new top. He said 'whoa, you look amazing. So radiant' And my first thought was 'ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!' Why?? Lol. Because I feel like an oversized frumpy ick fest. I haven't been to the gym the entire first trimester cause I've been so sick and I just feel icky cause all I can do is feed my face. It was good (when I was logical again) to hear an off the cuff remark that was complimentary.
Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!


 

lizzielouaf
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:59 PM
4 moms liked this

The other day I stopped by my sister's house and she complimented me on how good I looked. The FIRST thing I said was "well you're just not used to seeing me in form fitting clothes." Why did I do that? Why couldn't I just say thank you and shut up? We are our own worst enemies...at any hormone level lol.

Quoting Momniscient: My pregnant ass did the same thing lol. My husband walked in yesterday and I was wearing a new top. He said 'whoa, you look amazing. So radiant' And my first thought was 'ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!' Why?? Lol. Because I feel like an oversized frumpy ick fest. I haven't been to the gym the entire first trimester cause I've been so sick and I just feel icky cause all I can do is feed my face. It was good (when I was logical again) to hear an off the cuff remark that was complimentary.
Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!


SissyMacK
by on Aug. 4, 2014 at 5:02 PM
2 moms liked this

I think if they had the oppertunity, most moms would find that this is how their children really see them.  I am pregnant with my 6th child (due in a few weeks) and my 16 year old son still insists that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. 

Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2014 at 5:05 PM
It's true! I have a four year old little girl and I often catch myself so I don't instill those habits in her.

My mom is very hard on herself and I really have to work hard to positively stop her from doing it in front of kiddo too.


Quoting lizzielouaf:

The other day I stopped by my sister's house and she complimented me on how good I looked. The FIRST thing I said was "well you're just not used to seeing me in form fitting clothes." Why did I do that? Why couldn't I just say thank you and shut up? We are our own worst enemies...at any hormone level lol.

Quoting Momniscient: My pregnant ass did the same thing lol.
My husband walked in yesterday and I was wearing a new top. He said 'whoa, you look amazing. So radiant'

And my first thought was 'ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!'

Why?? Lol. Because I feel like an oversized frumpy ick fest. I haven't been to the gym the entire first trimester cause I've been so sick and I just feel icky cause all I can do is feed my face.


It was good (when I was logical again) to hear an off the cuff remark that was complimentary.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I know I'm overly emotional right now... but this brought tears to my eyes.  I love it when people realize they are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters!

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