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The Perils of Attachment Parenting

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:46 PM
  • 64 Replies
http://m.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/the-perils-of-attachment-parenting/375198/

Makes sense. Anything out of balance is going to be a problem.
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:46 PM
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canadianmom1974
by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:55 PM
7 moms liked this
"I'm not suggesting that parents be selfish or ignore their child's needs, but rather, a balance. Children who grow up seeing that mom and dad are individuals who have needs, too, learn that there is nothing wrong with a little independence, a little patience, and a little self-reliance."

^^^^^^
This makes 100% sense.
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Momniscient
by Obama licker on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree. This article was getting a lot of Facebook hate but it seemed that the people who took exception were taking exception for very personal reasons and not really reading that this article is about moderation of extremes. A lot of people were talking about how primitive human ancestors did things (breast feeding related and sleep pattern related etc) so it's 'natural' and somehow value positive.
And that's all well and good, but IMO we don't live in a primitive world. We live in a world where if we take and mold children into 'patterns' based on an idea of 'nature' we're creating just another artificial environment for them.

Dunno. I've never adhered to any 'parenting philosophy' or program but the article makes sense.


Quoting canadianmom1974: "I'm not suggesting that parents be selfish or ignore their child's needs, but rather, a balance. Children who grow up seeing that mom and dad are individuals who have needs, too, learn that there is nothing wrong with a little independence, a little patience, and a little self-reliance."



^^^^^^

This makes 100% sense.
quickbooksworm
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:32 AM
4 moms liked this
The author is blaming an entire philosophy because a handful of people can't balance and manage their time. I practiced attachment parenting and I never had those issues. I was part of a huge attachment parenting group when my son was little and the moms who had the most trouble balancing parenthood have always had trouble with finding balance in their lives, kids or not, AP or not.
Godgaveme4
by Platinum Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Great article. Parenting really is all about balance.
Momniscient
by Obama licker on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this
I think the discussions are had because of social media and the world telling each other how it should be done.

I'm sure 'attachment parenting' works for some people. I'm sure it doesn't work for others.


Quoting quickbooksworm: The author is blaming an entire philosophy because a handful of people can't balance and manage their time. I practiced attachment parenting and I never had those issues. I was part of a huge attachment parenting group when my son was little and the moms who had the most trouble balancing parenthood have always had trouble with finding balance in their lives, kids or not, AP or not.
Godgaveme4
by Platinum Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I have noticed on here especially that some moms believe their parenting choices are best and everyone should do it. And if they disagree or do it differently they should not be parents.

As moms we tend to forget that there are many ways to parent. And even within a family, the same parenting techniques or choices do not work for each child. I know my 4 kids were different.


Quoting Momniscient: I think the discussions are had because of social media and the world telling each other how it should be done.

I'm sure 'attachment parenting' works for some people. I'm sure it doesn't work for others.


Quoting quickbooksworm: The author is blaming an entire philosophy because a handful of people can't balance and manage their time. I practiced attachment parenting and I never had those issues. I was part of a huge attachment parenting group when my son was little and the moms who had the most trouble balancing parenthood have always had trouble with finding balance in their lives, kids or not, AP or not.
Scribbleprints
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I think a good rule of thumb is, if it makes you miserable, it's not going to help your children, because it's miserable to be around unhappy people.  Whatever your parenting philosophy, there are just times where what you want to do for your kids, and what you are reasonably able to do without going crazy or overburdening yourself, just don't match. 

When I realized that a certain amount of "selfishness" was actually necessary for me to  not burn out or go crazy, than I was a much happier parent., and my kids were happier too.

Teeter-Tottered
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 8:33 AM
I think anything taken to the extreme will inevitably cause issues.

The problem I've always had with some who practice "attachment parenting" (or any other self designated parental method) and insist on labeling themselves as such, is that they seem to use the term interchangeably with "superior parenting". Which I strongly disagree with.

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all for anything, especially when it comes to parenting. Every little one is so different from another.

We co-slept and nursed on demand with ours because that's what felt right and worked for us. And I really feel that the only label necessary for what we did/do is simply parenting. I have no illusions that doing those things made us any more attatched to or loving of our babies. I can't imagine thinking our way is best or better than anyone else's ways of raising their children.

I just don't see the point in labeling oneself for the sake of distinguishing from other parents and brandishing it like it inherently makes one an amazing parent. Baloney. We're all trying to "do right" by our children. That's what parents do.

Sorry, Momniscient. I think the commentary I've read on many an AP article (and on here about the subject) just drove me bonkers :p

I agree strongly with yours and the others' sentiments that a balance can and should be found. I think any "method" that caters solely or much more heavily to one side of the dynamic (kids or parents) leads to an unhealthy relationship. And one that seeks to try and remove little ones completely from the way things occur in our modern society can be more of a roadblock than a help.

Humans have such an amazing ability to adapt and adjust, I think treating that as something wonderful rather than something to be avoided or that is evil, is important for everyone. And for goodness' sake, i wish people wouldnt just about kill themselves trying to follow any guidelines to a perfect "T" while raising little ones :(
Debmomto2girls
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 8:40 AM

I had several friends who practiced attachment parenting.  I never followed anything except instinct.

My oldest slept with us on and off because I never believed in CIO. It never seemed ok with me.  My youngest loved her crib and never cried at night.

Oldest was very independent and walked at 10 months old.  I "wore" my oldest for the first year because she needed it and walked at 13 months.

Every child has different needs. There is no "one size fits all" parenting method

Raintree
by Ruby Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 8:48 AM
I practiced what some would call "attachment parenting" with three of my four and found that it worked better than the initial trial run. Those kids are more independent and self-motivated than the one who received the "balanced approach". So, it worked in our case and how we did it and with our children.

I was driven there by lack of sleep and failure at the cry it out method.

Speaking of balance- I'd like to see just one balanced article on these issues spring from the fertile loins of The Atlantic.
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