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Your son is in a fight, do you punish him at home? *edited*

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:21 PM
  • 54 Replies

Your son finds himself in the same place as another kid who is notoriously known around town for his lack of character, to put it mildly.  Your own son can be a hot head and has some anger issues.

Words are exchanged.  Your son walks up to the other kid in an agressive manner., saying he is going to kick his ass, telling him to bring it on.  Other kid swings and connects although not a good connect.  Your kid ends up getting the other on the ground, is on top of him, punching him and banging his head in to the concrete.

Bystander breaks it up.  Other kid is still trying to get to your son but is stopped, mouthing off the whole time.  Your son is gloating as to having beat his ass.

Other kid is asked if he is okay.  States he thinks so, other than his eye.  He goes home, which isn't far.  Turns out he was rather dizzy and didn't feel well, could not see out of his well at all.  Ambulance is called, he is taken off.  Eye needed to be drained and mild concussion.

Cops are called. They show up at your door, talk to your son.  You are told that after the investigation is complete there is the possiblity your son could be arrested.  

The other kid swung first, it was self defense.  Cop says maybe not. Your son was the aggressor in his actions of walking up to the kid, nose to nose and your son continued to beat the other kid once it was clear the other kid was no longer in a position to fight back.

As a parent, how do you handle this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just to clarify.  Not my son, I have daughters.

We do know this kid, however.

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mich2.0
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:24 PM
2 moms liked this

My kid would be in deeeeeeeeeeeep trouble.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:26 PM


Quoting mich2.0:

My kid would be in deeeeeeeeeeeep trouble.

What do you mean by this, though?

HIJKLM
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:28 PM
2 moms liked this
I would. "My" son went too far. "My" son was the aggressor in antagonizing the other child, making the other child feel he needed to fight. "My" son took the fight beyond the point of self defense by slamming the other child's head in to the ground (IMO, borderline attempted murder). Now "my" son has me in a position of possibly having to pay this child's medical bills as well as DSs lawyer, court, restitution, etc.

Yeah my kid would be in a lot of trouble. For starters, grounded until further notice and anger management.
mich2.0
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:28 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting mich2.0:

My kid would be in deeeeeeeeeeeep trouble.

What do you mean by this, though?

My oldest is only 6, so I can't really say what I'd do. ''Fights'' in his world are wrestling matches that turn into minor scuffles. I guess it depends on the age of the child. It would also depend on what kind of discipline ''worked'' on him.

LuvmyAiden
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

My son would be in major trouble. You see I believe that sometimes violence is the answer but you never do more than it takes to stop the conflict and you NEVER provoke or start the fight. He got in the kids face and was the aggressor.The other kid swung first but he didn't start it from what you say. If he escaped being charged and seeing jail time his life would be pretty miserable at home if it were me. If you are defending yourself or another person I am understanding but if you start it I am not understanding at all. Discipline is paramount here. Young men cannot just go around beating on others because they feel like it.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:37 PM


Quoting HIJKLM: I would. "My" son went too far. "My" son was the aggressor in antagonizing the other child, making the other child feel he needed to fight. "My" son took the fight beyond the point of self defense by slamming the other child's head in to the ground (IMO, borderline attempted murder). Now "my" son has me in a position of possibly having to pay this child's medical bills as well as DSs lawyer, court, restitution, etc. Yeah my kid would be in a lot of trouble. For starters, grounded until further notice and anger management.

I can't imagine being in such a position.  

I admit, it bothers me that the parents are more concerned about who was 'right' versus their son's actions.  They are quite concerned about the possibility of being sued. They should be.  However, no actions are being taken on their part to help their son realize his actions, take responsibility and help him with his anger issues.

Why does this bother me?  Probably because I have known this kid for several years and I have seen the good in him and I have seen the anger.  He needs help and I guess I was hoping this would have opened his parent's eyes to such.

I do not condone fighting and this situation is horrible.  If he is not held accountable by the police or his parents, nothing positive can come from this.

The other boy has been in and out of trouble with the law for a few years.  It was made clear what ever he has done in the past bears nothing on this recent situation.  

He was out and about with friends last night.  I was floored when I saw him.  My child would not be hanging out with friends as if he/she has done nothing wrong.


FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:38 PM


Quoting LuvmyAiden:

My son would be in major trouble. You see I believe that sometimes violence is the answer but you never do more than it takes to stop the conflict and you NEVER provoke or start the fight. He got in the kids face and was the aggressor.The other kid swung first but he didn't start it from what you say. If he escaped being charged and seeing jail time his life would be pretty miserable at home if it were me. If you are defending yourself or another person I am understanding but if you start it I am not understanding at all. Discipline is paramount here. Young men cannot just go around beating on others because they feel like it.

The cop pretty much told him this very thing.  They are 14 and 15 years old.  


muslimahpj
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this
From the description, it could be said the other boy was acting in self defense, not 'your' son.

If it were my child, yes, he would have hell to pay at home as well.
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:43 PM


Quoting muslimahpj: From the description, it could be said the other boy was acting in self defense, not 'your' son. If it were my child, yes, he would have hell to pay at home as well.

He isn't my son. I don' t have boys.

It seems the parents tried to press charges against the other kid, in an effort to get a leg up on the situation.  They were denied.

 This needs to run its course without my daughter being involved in any way.  That sounds harsh but I don't like fighters and I don't want them at my door step.

OHgirlinCA
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would be concerned about why my son felt he needed to egg on the other kid and then claim self defense.  I'd be concerned why my child didn't have the self control to stop after defending himself instead of continuing to beat the crap out of the other kid when it wasn't necessary.  I'd try to get to the root of this cause as well as take any priveleges away for awhile.

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