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Could you feel bad for the abusers?

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:06 PM
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http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/08/18/father-amish-girls-abducted-in-new-york-last-week-feels-sorry-for-suspects/

The father of two Amish girls abducted in northern New York last week says he feels sorry for the two people accused of kidnapping and sexually abusing his daughters.

The parents of the 7- and 12-year-old sisters spoke to the Johnson Newspapers (http://bit.ly/1pW5hFs ) at their home in Oswegathcie (ahs-wee-GAH'-chee) on Sunday, two days after Stephen Howells Jr. and Nicole Vaisey were charged with kidnapping with the intent to physically or sexually abuse the girls.

The Associated Press is not naming the family members because it generally does not identify victims of sexual abuse.

The father says it's sad that the two suspects "must have ruined their whole life." The mother says she is grateful to have her girls back home, but daily life has not yet returned to normal.

by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
snookyfritz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:08 PM
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The Amish have a different way of looking at life's events.  Remember back with the murder of the Amish children in their school house?  They forgive.  I think it's that simple

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:11 PM
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Quoting snookyfritz:

The Amish have a different way of looking at life's events.  Remember back with the murder of the Amish children in their school house?  They forgive.  I think it's that simple

They do.  Often times I think that there could be much to be learned from them.

I often find myself feeling empathy, and yes....feeling sorry, for those who seem to be tormented by their own demons.  I think it just boils down to not being able to comprehend the mindset they have, how sad it must be to be locked in that.

If that makes any sense.

UpSheRises
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I can and do feel bad for abusers. Empathy isn't a value judgment. 

furbabymum
by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:20 PM

 Mmm sometimes. I know many have hard lives that have set them on the paths they are on. HOwever, if someone were to abuse my children in any way they would not get an ounce of pity from me.

littlemum41
by Gold Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:26 PM

No, I could never feel bad for abusers. I wouldn't forgive. I wouldn't try to "understand" the abusers.

What makes someone say they feel bad for an abuser? That's pathetic.

If I were one of his daughters, I would be extremely upset with his attitude..

numbr1wmn
by Nikki on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Its interesting to me how they do this and it's their religion and how hard that must be.

Personally, I couldn't.  I don't think I could find it in me to forgive knowing my babies would never be the same.

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:32 PM

No, I would not feel bad for them.  

I do support efforts to understand and prevent the factors that lead to this kind of behavior.  

idunno1234
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:32 PM
4 moms liked this

Forgiveness benefits the person doing the forgiving, not those they forgive. 

Quoting littlemum41:

No, I could never feel bad for abusers. I wouldn't forgive. I wouldn't try to "understand" the abusers.

What makes someone say they feel bad for an abuser? That's pathetic.

If I were one of his daughters, I would be extremely upset with his attitude..

 

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:35 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting littlemum41:

No, I could never feel bad for abusers. I wouldn't forgive. I wouldn't try to "understand" the abusers.

What makes someone say they feel bad for an abuser? That's pathetic.

If I were one of his daughters, I would be extremely upset with his attitude..

My ex husband is an abuser.  If I do not try to understand why, I learn nothing and I would remain a victim.  

Do I feel for him?  I do.  Because of his inner demons, his parents and all else, he is not the father he could be, should be, to our daughter. 

Do I forgive him?  If I do not I go nowhere.

I have also had to look in the mirror, realize, try to learn and understand and grow.  

Otherwise I remain still.  

My father abused my mother.  My mother abused my father.  My mother abused me.

Same thing.

Some equate trying to understand and even forgiving as weakness, giving in to the other or somehow excusing the other and their actions.  That simply is not true.

If that makes me pathetic, so be it.

GrettieMeh
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes.  Nothing more to add but to say empathy doesn't mean OK'ing a persons actions. 

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