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Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Upper Middle Class Poor and Mules of Society

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 9:34 PM
  • 45 Replies

I had a full time career most of my life, worked part time most of my time raising my children. My husband worked profeesionally very hard full time and still does. We both contributed to saving and buying our first house, doing IVF to try and have children, and then to go on to adopt our two children. Eventually the last few years I became a SAHM as we had just moved and I have a Child with special needs. While my husband makes an excellent living we stll feel as if we can't believe how we can't afford a decent vacation, go out to dinner and go beyond the basics. We do make sure our kids have what they need, good Health insurance, live in a good neighborhood with excellent schools, have home cooked dinners as a family and are involved parents. My eldest daughter was told to get a job if she wants more then what we can and should provide to appreciate what she has with what she earns. Both my chldren knock on wood are good students and good kids but we have had some major setbacks and paid for them. We can only afford to raise two children. So when I look around and see I had to pull my daughter with special needs out of a school she could of used because the tuition became too high and we did not qualify for a scholarship or help in any way (while our tuition money was also being used to fund other families scholarships) and then found out a mother had three kids attending school free really made me mad. Or that we are constantly asked to help other families with school supplies and backpacks,clothes and I see them walking around in $150 dollar sneakers, designer clothes  with a cell phone while I am out buying at payless and wallmart. Or go to the grocery store and pay 2x fmore or a item from the WIC approved food program as if I can afford all those increases. I eat less meat and a lot more spaghetti these days. Every where I turn we are unable to access any help or the same as the people we are asked to help. Why should I have to go back to work to keep this program up and others do not, but want our money? I know I sound angry but I am not, I'm just disgusted.

by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 9:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
stormcris
by Christy on Aug. 24, 2014 at 5:47 AM
7 moms liked this

Just a few questions:

Do you know where or not the mother of three had the state grant for the kids to attend the school?

Have you looked into getting the special needs grant from the state that is based on what would help your child? (Several have those)

Did you question where or not those $150 sneakers were provided by another person, perhaps grandparents? 

Did you ask if those designer clothes came from a second hand store? 

Did you check to see if the phone was paid for by another family member so the person could have contact with their child and grandkids?

Did you know with the right sales and coupons it is often cheaper to buy at Belks, JC Pennys, Old Navy or the like than it is Walmart? 

WIC approved foods are not 2x more because it is a WIC food. It is 2x more because of what those foods are. They only get a set amount for an item that is WIC approved so really that program most likely keeps those items lower than they would be otherwise.

Food is getting more and more expensive because of severe droughts, extreme winter conditions, fires and flooding. The weather has taken a massive toil on food production. 

sllytnkrbl
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 6:07 AM
1 mom liked this
I think OP is just frustrated. I notice things like the ones she pointed out all the time. While I will do my best to not judge since I don't know anyone's story unless they share it, I would probably think to myself $150 for 1 pair of shoes is such a waste when you could find a name brand pair at a discount and use the rest of the cash for food or bills. I find it hard to understand how anyone needing assistance or struggling would fail to see the wastefulness. I feel that a person needing assistance should better understand the value of a dollar, and hope they do and do not take the struggles others face to help them for granted. I will not assume that people are squandering their own money on "luxury" while others support them but I will and have called out those who admit to abusing the system designed for those who truly struggle.
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heresjohnny
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 6:29 AM
4 moms liked this
My family is solid middle-class, and my kids have everything they could need or want.

However, even though we can afford to buy everything new, we don't. I'm a hardcore bargain hunter. I don't like spending money on things I don't have to. I did all back-to-school shopping for 5 kids with only a couple hundred dollars budget. All the clothes were like-new and name brand. I also buy birthday and Christmas presents on sale year round. All 5 of my kids have expensive gadgets and gizmos that win a jealous glance from their friends. For my 5 kids, I probably spend less than an average family spends on one or two. My kids don't have all this awesome stuff because we're rich, they have it because I know when to shop and where to look.

My point is, from an outsider's perspective, it would seem that I have wads of cash to blow and spoil my kids rotten. And while I admit to spoiling them somewhat, I do it on a very low budget. If I can do it, I'm sure low income families can as well. And even then, it's all assumptions. You have no way of knowing how they acquired something or how much was spent on it. That phone, tablet, or shoes could have been a birthday present from aunts, uncles, or grandparents. But unfortunately, our society seems to have a 'poor people shouldn't have anything nice' mentality.
marney.p
by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 6:39 AM

I understand what you are saying.

And I understand how hard it is to go back to work and make the same kind of money you used to with a special needs child. 

ALL parents under estimate the cost of children. Especially having  teenagers.  I hear your vent.

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 7:10 AM
10 moms liked this

I find it impossible to be sympathetic.  You're able to be a SAHM in a nice house in a neighborhood with great schools.   So what?  I have met almost no one of any class who doesn't feel that their kids are more expensive than they'd expected.  

If you want "decent vacations" and dinners out, start working from home.  Otherwise, adapt to the stresses of living on a single income for a while.  

And if you don't like what people do with your charity, then stop giving.   

incogNinja
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 8:27 AM
Current events is a heck of a place to post this..I find it extremely insensitive as well as a tad immature to be so woe is me over these situations. Didn't your mommy ever teach you about being thankful for what you have 😳 Perhaps click on the evening news and see what middle class is over on that big 7 shaped continent they call Africa. You can't go worse than the Middle East right now , how about you google some photos of what they're buying for back to school and how awesome their dinners and vacations are ? Outsiders perspective ..
stacymomof2
by Ruby Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:17 AM
2 moms liked this
I think a lot of people who are living on one income experience the same thing. The truth is that one income is tighter than 2. There are also people who live on two incomes to get the basics and sime people who live on two incomes and still can barely make it.
I think. Instead of being mad that people seem to have more than you (which how could they if they qualify for scholarships and you do not) we as a country should focus on things like why is there not better support for families in the workplace and why is the middle class being squeezed? It's not because someone has a more expensive pair of shoes than you. You wouldn't even know how they got that stuff..gifts? Savings? Maybe they are bargain hunters?
TappyToes
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Jealousy is a mental disorder.

mrsary
by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
And maybe try public schools for your kids. There are usually SN accommodations at them.

Quoting momtoscott:

I find it impossible to be sympathetic.  You're able to be a SAHM in a nice house in a neighborhood with great schools.   So what?  I have met almost no one of any class who doesn't feel that their kids are more expensive than they'd expected.  

If you want "decent vacations" and dinners out, start working from home.  Otherwise, adapt to the stresses of living on a single income for a while.  

And if you don't like what people do with your charity, then stop giving.   

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:19 AM
2 moms liked this

I agree!  I have a son with SN who has been in public schools his whole life, and the accommodations in our schools have generally been fantastic.   

Quoting mrsary: And maybe try public schools for your kids. There are usually SN accommodations at them.
Quoting momtoscott:

I find it impossible to be sympathetic.  You're able to be a SAHM in a nice house in a neighborhood with great schools.   So what?  I have met almost no one of any class who doesn't feel that their kids are more expensive than they'd expected.  

If you want "decent vacations" and dinners out, start working from home.  Otherwise, adapt to the stresses of living on a single income for a while.  

And if you don't like what people do with your charity, then stop giving.   


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