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Love Making Positions That Will Send You Straight To HELL: Pastor Issues Warning

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:29 PM
  • 37 Replies

Love Making Positions That Will Send You Straight To HELL: Pastor Issues Warning

FEBRUARY 22, 2015 1:14 PM

In a video posted to YouTube, Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo of the Complete in Christ Church, in the UK, ministers to his flock about love making. He advises against unnatural acts on the matrimonial bed. These ungodly acts of the flesh, he warns, will send you straight to hell.

What sexual positions are off limits? According to the Nigerian-born pastor, all of them except one. The single, solitary position God says is okay is the missionary position. Oladejo says:

“Missionaries of old who taught their converts about true holiness would teach them that in the marriage bed, face to face with the husband on top is the only position that God has sanctioned.”

In the video, Oladejo explains that God sent an angel to him in a dream. The angel had something to show the good pastor and took him deep down into the fiery pits of hell. There the angel showed him what awaits those who masturbate, engage in oral or even think about catching the nine o’clock showing of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Oladejo says of his visit to hell:

“I saw demons, creatures of darkness, they take pleasure in cutting human flesh.”

He goes on to describe, in gory detail, a bench where demons place humans and…

“Cut them into pieces, you know, pieces, into very small pieces, they were cutting human beings that way,” Oladejo says. “They will start from the most painful parts and start to butcher and cut that person. They will be slow so that the pain will enter that soul and the soul will moan, the soul will cry, the soul will weep and when they finish cutting it, the soul will come back together again. They will start all over again.”

That doesn’t sound like much fun at all.

I suggest being especially careful when it comes to masturbation, wife on top, oral and doggie. Oladejo specifically states these evil acts are off limits. I imagine there must be a special place in hell for people engaging in these despicable pleasures of the flesh.

Why is wife on top off limits? Pastor Oladejo explains that man is supposed to be in charge and that’s why God gets his panties in a bunch over that position:

“When you are with your wife, the Lord has made man to be the head, not the woman.”

Doggie is, of course, an ungodly, devilish deed as well. Oladejo asserts that God doesn’t like it when humans behave like animals:

“The Lord did not create you to behave like a dog on your matrimonial bed with your wife or like a goat or like a cow or like a chicken. Those who do that are not going to make it to heaven.”

We will only know whether Oladejo is right or wrong on the day we die. In the meantime, we do know one thing for certain. The poor man’s wife is an incredibly unsatisfied woman.

Here’s Pastor Oladejo’s sermon in all its glory,

h/t: The Friendly Atheist

by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lizmarie1975
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:36 PM

But...if I do it on the sofa, I can still go to heaven?

Quote:

“The Lord did not create you to behave like a dog on your matrimonial bed with your wife or like a goat or like a cow or like a chicken. Those who do that are not going to make it to heaven.”


survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:36 PM

Well, I havent been able to do that since hubby got sick, but we have come up with some awesome substitutes.  I bet that guy would damn us for everything we do lol

lizzielouaf
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:38 PM

Oh no...

grambo91
by Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:38 PM
Lmao. What a nut.
AnnieGoolaheey
by Dean's Wife on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:49 PM
3 moms liked this

How exactly does one behave like a chicken in bed?











No really, I want to know.

)0(
letstalk747
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:52 PM

soo funny

quickbooksworm
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm guessi g he has the most boring sex life ever lol.
lizzielouaf
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 12:59 PM
3 moms liked this

Probably not. Generally people who screech the loudest about stuff like this are the freakiest behind closed doors.

Quoting quickbooksworm: I'm guessi g he has the most boring sex life ever lol.


survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 23, 2015 at 1:06 PM
1 mom liked this

I guess very fast ?

Quoting AnnieGoolaheey:

How exactly does one behave like a chicken in bed?











No really, I want to know.


How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


AnnieGoolaheey
by Dean's Wife on Feb. 23, 2015 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this

LMAO.  I'll pass then. 

That rooster is huge!

Quoting survivorinohio:

I guess very fast ?

Quoting AnnieGoolaheey:

How exactly does one behave like a chicken in bed?











No really, I want to know.


)0(
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