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Please stay out of my personal space

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:07 PM
  • 13 Replies

My kid plays softball and one of the other moms is a hugger. And not a one-armed, side-on hugger, but a full-on bear hugger.

hate unannounced touching. I don't even like a hand on my  arm 😖 I'm *that* person standing with my arms by my sides being awkwardly hugged. 

Are you a hugger? Do you mind being hugged? 

by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ladyteancum
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I am a touchy feely person. That being said, I hate, really hate people touching me. I feel like abuse when people touch me. I only touch (hug, arm around, stuff like that) people I really like and feel comfortable with. My dh, kids, dad and one sister nd some of the littles in the family can touch me without it bothering me.

I am not nice when people try to hug me more than once. Dh laughs at me. He says I turn on the ice queen when they do. I give them the befit of doubt once that they dont know.

Ms.KitKat
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a hugger. But I will not hug unless given full permission - I will ask first and will respect if the answer is no.

I'm a pretty intuitive person so I can pretty much tell the people who have a larger personal space than others and I won't even ask.

AmaliaD
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this
No don't touch me.
anxiousschk
by anxiouss on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes, I'm a hugger.  Sometimes, I don't want to be touched.  

I still have a personal space bubble.  I've repeatedly had to teach kids about "the bubble."  I'm currently doing homebound education with a student who has a parent who refuses to respect the bubble, so with her, I wind up having to stand my ground. 

Recently some close friends -- their youngest daughter is best friends with our oldest, lost their oldest child.  The dad is NOT a touchy feely person.  When we went to the visitation, hundreds of people were there.  As we came through the line, I was struck by how often people were hugging mom, and not really touching dad --  maybe a handshake.  When we got up there I told them how much we loved them and hugged her and turned to him and said,  "I know you're not much of a hugger, but I'm going to hug you right now, ok?"  I swear, that man held on so tight -- I don't even know how to describe it.  

I think it encouraged me to be even more of a hugger -- but I will continue to say first, "you a hugger?  I'm a hugger..."  That gives people an out if they are super uncomfortable.  

MrsHMS
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes I am but I'm also aware of different cultural norms and will take cues. I reserve my touching from people who are receptive. Having said that the person who introduced me to computers lived in his mom's basement. He was very intelligent but isolated. I put my hand on his shoulder and he about jumped out of his chair. He said he hadn't had human touch in a year. His mom was japanese and they didn't touch. He said he liked me touching him and was as surprised by his reaction as I was. A few months later he tried to kiss me and then it got wierd. Computer classes were over.
motha2daDuchess
by Bruja on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this
My RBF warns not to touch me
4evrinbluejeans
by KK on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:06 PM

I have a huge personal space bubble.  My friends get quite a bit of amusement from it because we spend a lot of time in school where the students and teachers do not have same personal space needs I have.  

I have developed techniques to get the space and they are only obvious to those who know my issue.  

There is one teacher, in particular, that has zero personal space needs.  She walks up and rubs her shoulder up against you when she talks to you.  I put my hand on her shoulder with the friendly arm pat and step back to a comfortable zone.  She tends to continue to step into the zone so there is a bit of space dancing that happens.  After three years of this, I can stand with her without needing the extra space and she now knows about it.  

I try to joke about it because I know it's ultimately my issue.  

hart57
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't personally liked being hugged by people I don't know well. I would just say "hey Jane, I've been meaning to tell you I don't like being hug. I know its odd, but I have sensitive skin and just don't like. Please reframe from hugging me and just say hello".

If she does it after that, firmly tell her to stop and avoid her.
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 6:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I'll do the hugging when I want. Otherwise don't touch me.
PamR
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 6:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I hug my family and friends but when someone I just met comes at me, it's uncomfortable.
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