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Hot Topic (2/18): Discipline - OK to spank or do other methods work better? How young is too young to punish a child?

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 12:33 AM
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Americans are currently split 50/50 on the issue of spanking. Although Dr. Phil is opposed to spanking, he believes you should look at some of the results of 62 years worth of research and decide for yourself.

The Pros

  • Spanking can be effective on a short-term basis in getting children to change any negative behaviors that prompted the spanking.

  • Spanking has been shown to be most effective in 2- to 6-year-olds when used in conjunction with milder disciplinary methods, such as reasoning and time-outs.

  • In a study, mothers who combined reasoning with negative consequences (such as spanking) had the most success in changing negative behaviors.

    The Cons
  • Long-term consequences of spanking can include increased aggressiveness, antisocial behavior, and delinquency.

  • Weaker associations for spanking such as a failure to learn right from wrong, subsequent criminal behavior, mental illness, and child or spouse abuse as adults, have also been suggested.

  • Physical punishment can send mixed messages to a child and reinforce aggressive behavior. When parents model aggressive behaviors by spanking, they reinforce the idea that physical aggression is the way to get what you want.

  • Spanking is associated with a poorer relationship between the parent and child. Children who were spanked feel less attached to their parents and less trusting of them. The more the child was spanked, the less close the parent/child relationship.
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    Posted by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 12:33 AM
    Replies:
    • gogetem
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 12:42 AM
    • I am okay with it...  but it COMPLETELY depends on a few factors.   The parents that practice spanking should be balanced emotionally.... those people are hard to come by.  Then, there is the "how hard" factor.

      I was spanked as a child and turned out well, IMO.   But I'll never forget the day I was in my teens... mom tried pulling that card and I just laughed in her face.   I lost a lot of respect for her that day.  There HAS to be a cut-off point or the kid will only retaliate.

      As for MY kid...... I've been in agreeance for the most part with spanking.   BUT, when I imagine doing it to my own child, I can't bare it.... not even the thought.  Instead, I will step back, analyze the situation, and find what I am doing as a responsible parent to provoke the behavior directly or indirectly.  There are other methods.

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    • bluewolf
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 12:49 AM
    • i agree with spanking whole heartedly although it has become an issue in this house with step parents spanking step kids i believe and society has plenty of things that have happened to prove that if we dont spank our kids all hell will break lose look at the unruly kids their parents dont know what to do because they dont wanna spank and some end up in gangs and dead and some go to boot camp but what about the 3 and 4 year olds when are we going to nip it in the bud and put an end to it all i personally think that a swift swat is what alot of kids need and it sux that the government is giving the kids more rights than the parents and taking the right as a parent to spank away , and when a child is old enough to start doing things after being told not to then its time to start doing something or the child will rule the house not the parent i say when thet are old enough to move around and reach for stuff and are told at least 2 or 3 time a pop wont hurt i mean when did a spanin kill any one

      and if any one can come up with an alternative that will work let me know ive tried time outs corner chores and allowance spanking was the only thing that worked and as i said that is causing issues at this moment and we need something else

    • cmarielin
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 1:33 AM
    • Wow - we're really going to get into controversy around here, aren't we?  Okay.  Here's the two cents of a mom of kids who are now teens, who did get their bottoms popped from time to time when they misbehaved, when they were smaller.

      The Pros

    • Spanking can be effective on a short-term basis in getting children to change any negative behaviors that prompted the spanking. 
    • This I have found to be true, but not only on a short-term basis.  Kids have pretty good memories when it comes to things that matter, if you're disciplining them when they're old enough to understand the message you're trying to convey. 

    • Spanking has been shown to be most effective in 2- to 6-year-olds when used in conjunction with milder disciplinary methods, such as reasoning and time-outs.
    • Amen to reasoning!  That's the most important part of any type of discipline, even spanking.  Reasoning was always tried first, then time-outs, then if none of that worked, spanking as the last resort.  My kids always knew and understood why they were in trouble, there was always an explanation, and they always knew that we loved them. 

       

      In a study, mothers who combined reasoning with negative consequences (such as spanking) had the most success in changing negative behaviors. 

      This is evident in every case I've ever seen, when it wasn't taken too far.



      The Cons

    • Long-term consequences of spanking can include increased aggressiveness, antisocial behavior, and delinquency. 
    • As I said before, my kids are teens now.  They've never been beaten, abused, or made to feel unloved or unimportant.  My teenagers are very cool-headed, even when threatened by bullies, even though they're all former junior olympic judo tournament comptetitors.  None of them have ever been in a fight, or even tried to start one.  They're popular with thier peers, and make decent grades.  They're not smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or having sex.  So, perhaps for some kids, for some reason, long term consequences can include those things mentioned...but it certainly isn't happening to my teens.


       

    • Weaker associations for spanking such as a failure to learn right from wrong, subsequent criminal behavior, mental illness, and child or spouse abuse as adults, have also been suggested. 
    • Well, I guess my response to the previous statement pretty much covers this one as well, especially the 'knowing right from wrong' part.  They not only know it, but they practice it as well.  I wonder if ithe kids Dr. Phil studied were being "spanked differently" than mine, or with a different attitude or something.  No idea.


       

    • Physical punishment can send mixed messages to a child and reinforce aggressive behavior. When parents model aggressive behaviors by spanking, they reinforce the idea that physical aggression is the way to get what you want. 
    • Some of the most aggressive behavior I've seen, personally, from children, are from kids who are not spanked.  They're often, as far as I've ever seen myself, the ones who think they can get away with anything.  We used to have friends who did not spank thier children, and when they hung out with us and our kids played together, their kids terrorized ours!  Slapping my daughter in the face with a jump rope...digging her nails into her back, even drawing blood, when my daughter didn't do everything her way...thier son slapping his mom in the face when he got mad...it got to be so bad, we couldn't stand to hang out with them anymore.



       

    • Spanking is associated with a poorer relationship between the parent and child. Children who were spanked feel less attached to their parents and less trusting of them. The more the child was spanked, the less close the parent/child relationship. 
    • Again - this couldn't be more wrong.  My kids have never feared me.  They fell asleep, all three piled on my lap together, with me rocking them and telling them stories.  They confide in me with what's going on at school with their friends.  I've even overheard my daughter tell all her friends one day, while they were complaining about thier parents, that she thought she had a cool mom.  :-]  They still hug and kiss me goodnight.  We still read together at night..lol!  We joke together at the dinner table, and they love and respect me.

      I think a better source of advice from a family psychologist would be Dr. James Dobson.  When I got pregnant, I started reading up, and everything he suggested went right along with what we're taught in the Bible.   I've always turned to the Bible for answers and guidance, and I've never been steered in the wrong direction.  I'd say I'm very satisfied with the outcome I get from following His Word.

      With a subject like this, it's really not my business what everyone else does, and no one's going to tell me that I've done wrong, seeing how neat, happy, close, and functional my family life is...LOL!  So, there's my two cents. 

    • lakegeorge_mom
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 7:11 AM
    • I think every child is different and therefore every child responds differently to punishment. Some kids, if you spank them will only learn anger and start hitting everyone. I personally love Super nanny and think we should start with more educated ways to teach our children proper behaviors. I love time out, I love rewarding good behavior and taking things away for bad behavior. Some see bribing as a bad thing, but my 13 year old is one of the best kids her age, she is compassionate, works with a global community advisor group at school to go into the community and help others, she loves playing "psychologist" with her friends and helping them solve problems, she is patient, loving and well rounded and her teachers repeatedly tell me what a mature little mother I have, so I guess my bribing and reward methods have worked well so far. I also believe in being able to earn back things. Say my dd swore, ok so she loses her laptop for the day, then she goes and cleans her room and helps me with her baby brother, then we have a discussion why the word was inappropriate, what she could have said instead, and she can earn her laptop back early. she learns a lesson,and housework gets done, yay! My 2 year old son is harder, he's autistic and always in trouble, he doesnt understand bribery really or much else, so if hes doing something hes not supposed to, then I have to redirect him and give him something else to keep him busy. We're struggling with him climbing on things like my entertainment center and his desk right now, his poor little legs are all bruised and he keeps falling off, nothing is working..so I guess its time to put up the new desk we just bought him, he loves to color, and get a higher entertainment center he cant climb on. Maybe I should call super nanny for help on this one....

    • my2boyz117
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:07 AM
    • I don't usually spank my kids, now and then I give them a swat on the butt if you want to call that technically spanking...I don't think you should use a belt or anything besides a hand on the bottom, and it shouldn't be done while angry.   As a kid I was "spanked" and I feared the people who did it, I want my kids to RESPECT me not fear me~  The child also needs to be old enough to understand why they are getting spanked & what is "going on". 

      There have been plenty of kids I have seen who seem to need a good spanking though, lol.

    • IhartU
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:25 AM
    • People who spank have anger issues and a lack of imagination.

      Sorry, but I just don't see how you can look at your child and say you love them if you hit them. There are so many other ways to punish to get a point across without resorting to psychical abuse.

       

    • jajamama
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:31 AM
    • my son is 2 and most of the time he listens to No but when he dosent he gets three chances then he gets spanked and by that i mean one swat on the but or the hand depending on what the offence was its never hard and its never more than one swat i spank him before i get very angry i smacked his bum once when i was angry and i cried cause i smacked him too hard so now i know u spank when u are still calm so u dont ever hurt your child spanking should NEVER leave a mark on a child

    • marine_wife_02
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:38 AM
    • I spank my 2 yr old. She gets a warning and then the 2nd time she gets a time out and if she does it again she gets a swat on the butt. I know alot of people say its wrong ect. But its what works for me and my family. I think if u figure out what works in ur house use it.

    • megkaytan
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:48 AM
    • I believe that spanking is just find there is a diffrence in spanking and beating, a little swat on there bottom never hurt them. I think todays world is what it has become because parents cant disipline there children the way that they see fit.

    • momoftwo964
    • by on Feb. 18, 2009 at 9:03 AM
    • Spanking should be left to life or death susitions. NO other times.

      I found the best way to disiplane my children was to pull them aside hug them and WISPHER in their ears what they did wrong and the corrective action I wanted them to take.  It is very hard to ingore someone who is wispering in your ear.  My kids are in college and high school and still cringe when i speak quietly, they know its time to listen when mom speaks softly.  I t also works on my nieces and nephew who were raised by yelling and spanking, I get better results then my sisters who are amazed that their kids listen to me with out complaint and take prompt action every time.

      Yelling never works.

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