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Hot Topic (3/21): "I love my husband more than I love my children."

Back in 2005, an article by Ayelet Waldman appeared in the New York Times called "Truly, Madly, Guiltily."  She admitted that she loves her husband more than her kids, sparking an outcry in the blogosphere and resulting in an appearance on the Oprah show.

What do you think?  Do you love your husband more than your kids?  Do you think Ayelet Waldman is wrong?


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by on Mar. 21, 2009 at 1:21 AM
Replies (41-44):
by on Mar. 23, 2009 at 5:34 PM

I love my s/o.  I would throw myself in front of a train, or take a bullet for my children. I love them in different ways, but no one or anything on this planet would ever come before my kids. I dont care who or what it is.

I guess the difference is that I brought my kids into this world, now that I have them I would not be able to live without them. I could live without my s/o I did for 23 years without him, I have not lived a day without them. I could not even imagine it, nor do I want to.

by on Mar. 23, 2009 at 5:40 PM

HHmm sorry but you are reading too much into the situation.  I never even explained why he was my Ex.  And it had nothing to do with loving him more or less.  You didn't even ask why we were not together.  So your getting a bit personal and presumptuous thinking you know the situation when you do not.

What I am trying to say and I said it before.  My Kid's come first with their sets of needs.  My SO came first with his sets of needs also when we were together.  I don't love and care for them equally because their each need is totally and utterly seperate from each other.  There is no correlation.

I loved my SO for the "type" of love he gave and I gave him.  I love my children differently.  Men are not big babies.  I agree.  But that is my point.  His needs were different.  I never babied him.  I wasn't raising a man.  He raised himself.  I raise my children.  I don't think you understand at all the point I was trying to put across.

Quoting Ann7227:

Then if you loved him more than your kids why is he a "ex now" ??? Meaning you put him first and see where you are now.  Your kids should come first .  And I'm not saying you love your kids sexually as your mate. I'm saying love them and treat them equally.  Why does one need more love them the other ??  If people think that their husbands needs and wants come first then don't have kids. I am raising my boys to take care of themselves. Not be big babies.  And not expecting their wives to put them before kids.  I think it's fine to put your husbands needs sometimes before the kids. And it depends on what it is too. But a real man should understand that the kids needs come first .

Quoting Intrinsic.Elite:

I don't love my kids equally to when I was with my Ex.  There is no such thing as equality with love when it is between children and a partner/husband.

The love I feel for my kids to nurture and protect them.  To make sure they are ok and because they are a part of me makes me love and put them first on their own.  BUT I loved my Ex (when we were together) MORE because he was my Lover, Best Friend, Support Network and as I thought Soul Mate.

Honestly I don't want to love my children and my man equally... That is just gross.  If I felt equal love like that with my kids then the intimacy I have with them - the same as my Ex would have been the same.  You don't want to love your kids and husband equally.

My Ex came first with all his needs and wants.  Because his needs weren't the same with my kids.  My kids come first with their needs.  Because they don't get the same as what my Ex needed.  So no it's not sad at all.  It is a different state of mind.

Quoting Ann7227:

Why did she have kids ????  If your going to not love them equal then why have kids . That's sad. And what kind of mother would not love her kids and husband equal???

by Member on Mar. 24, 2009 at 8:34 AM

Quoting TikkiNippets:

Im sorry but I do love my husband more than my kids. I mean I love my kids dont get me wrong but My husband is my  partner and without him I wouldnt have my kids and when the kids are gone its going to be just me and him. and I love god above all of them because he gave me my husband and children and without him I wouldnt be here I guess Im crazy for thinking that way but nothing anyone says will change how I feel.

I agree 100%.  It's God's "chain" I think this is an intended instinct for many reasons.  Don't get me wrong, I would definitely stand in the way of death for my children, they are defenceless (at this point) but when they are not (when they get to an age) I will defend my husband.  If a mom protects her grown adult children and not her husband then there is something wrong with that.  I love my kids with all my heart, and I love my husband with all my heart!  There is enough room in there for them all! 

Think of nature, when a baby bird gets it's feathers, the mommy litteraly pushes it from the nest, then goes find daddy bird to make more babies or whatnot. She feeds, protects and nurtures them up to a point, then they must fly out on their own!  If she loved them more then the instinct to mate, then those chicks would never leave the nest, never fly away, and never reproduce.  It is a circle.

Yes, it is a different kind of love but it is love all the same!  This woman might mean that she is instinctual more in love with her husband then her kids.  The need to reproduce, and mate is strong.  Also the need to nurture a infant/youngling is equally as strong. but after that phase, that instinct should fade. They just come at different points in life.  Do not judge, as long as her children are cared for and nurtured to the point of independence then she has done the job God gave her.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2009 at 10:43 AM

Quoting TawnyR:

I love my children and my DH just in different ways. I can't say who I love more because it is a different kind of love for each person. HOWEVER my children will always come first and I expect it to be the same for my DH.

Very well said TawnyR.

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