Hot Topic (4/14): Do only children have it better?

[Cafe GroupAdmin]

 I found this in CafeMom's DailyBuzz:

Birth Order: Firstborns Get More of Your Time

Photo by LIVINGWITHADHD

Parents spend about 30 minutes more daily quality time with their firstborn children than younger children in the same age bracket, according to new research from Brigham Young University.

 

Other studies have focused more on how birth order effects the way kids turn out. They've found that firstborns tend to have higher IQs, do better in school and on the job, and are more conscientious, while later-born kids are more likely to be rebellious, liberal and agreeable.

 

Only lately have I really found this to be true with my own kids. Although my goal is to treat both of my children the same, including the amount of attention I dole out, this is not the case. My son, the firstborn, is sensitive and less confident, and needs more time and reassurance, while my 4 year old daughter is fairly independent and less demanding.

 

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Are you able to provide the same attention and time to more than one child?  Or do children with siblings suffer?

It is irresponsible to have more than one child? 


Is it irresponsible to only have one child?

What do you think?  Were you an only child?  Are you raising an only child?

[.Tiggeroo87.]

 I can't really answer everything, but I was an only child, but I am also adopted. I think there is some truth to this study, I know a lot of my friends who are either the middle child, or the youngest, and a few who are the oldest. The ones who are not born first, they have less responsibilities, and are not paid as much attention as their older siblings. The ones who are older have more attention focused on them and they bear most of the responsibilities of either looking after their siblings while mom and dad are gone, or they are pressured to "set an example" on the other kids, which ties in with the responsibilies. As an only child, everything is mixed. I was the one and only, and I had to set an example for my peers instead of my siblings. I had a lot of responsibilities, I had to start staying home alone when I was 12, and went through the house rules with my parents everytime I was left. I never babysat because everyone thought I had no experience watching any younger siblings, but now that I have my own child, I am starting to see more people asking me to watch their kids....

I have siblings but never got in touch with them until I was 16. I learned I have 14 siblings, from my biological mom's side, and bio dad's.

I am the oldest of 8, and the youngest of 6.

My son is an only child for the time being. I am not planning on having another until I finish school.

I don't think it is irresponsible to have more than one child if you are taking care of them in the best way possible.

I don't think it is irresponsible to have just one child either because you are not depriving them of sibling interaction. That is your choice to make as a parent whether your child "needs" a sibling. Usually it's for "playmate" purposes, so your child isn't growing up alone, but if you don't want that lifetime responsibility, then your child can make friends! It's not hard.

Again, I am an only child (was raised as one), and I have an only child. But anything can change in the future.

 

[momaof8]

Then color me really irresponsible lol! I think the birth order thing is junk.

[Junebug926]

I'll agree that with the first child there is more time to spend with him/her. As for the everything else, I think it's true for some but just as anything else not all. I was the youngest of two. I had an older brother. He was read to more when he was little, etc. but once he got older got away with a lot more than I did. I don't know if it was because I was the baby or because I was the girl, I was over protected

I don't think it is irresponsible to only have one or more than one. There is a good argument for both. For me, I will definitely have more than one. Family is so important when you become older and I have a very small one. My brother has passed away and it's just me left. I want something different for my daughter.

[momofthree929]

I have 3 boys and we try to spend as much equal time as possible. For me the amount of time spent depends on the day and what's going on. My youngest has learning disabilities and we spend quite a bit of time working with him. The middle child craves as much attention as one would give him so quite a bit of time is spent making sure he's getting the attention he needs. My oldest might actually get the least attention right now because he requires the least. He does however have the most responsibilities and privileges, gets to stay up late with us sometimes etc. It's hard to spend equal time though. I think the study might be true for some and not others, everyone is different.

I was an only child and got bored a lot. I spent a lot of time in my room playing by myself or outside by myself. My friends who had siblings, as least from my perspective, at least they had someone to talk to, play with and as we all got older they at least had someone to argue with lol.

I don't think either is irresponsible. It's a personal choice.

[Lexy2518]

I don't think either way is irresponsible. I am the oldest of four siblings and my parents did a kick-ass job at spending time with us. When we were little my dad would take us one at a time to a baseball game to spend quality time with us. My mom would do the same with us, like take us to do the one thing we like to do as an individual. I loved the mall so she would take me there. She usually took my sister and brothers out to eat alone. And we also always took family vacations alone to just be together. I am the mother of twin boys and we do the same thing with our kids. We have seperate days with each kid and we also have family days with all four of us. I think it's all up to the families to make sure they do the best they can to pay attention to each kid.

[athenax3]

I don't know really. I think there are so many OTHER variables that can make a difference that birth order is just a small fraction of what effects us and how.

 

[christina0607]

I only spend time with my first born...screw the other two.

[momaof8]

Quoting christina0607:

I only spend time with my first born...screw the other two.

[Mommy_Jenn]

Quoting Cafe GroupAdmin:

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Are you able to provide the same attention and time to more than one child?  Or do children with siblings suffer?

With me babysitting a 4 YO on and off I was able to spend equal amounts of time with each due to them having different nap times, plus now that my son is almost two, they play with each other and I can still get some alone time in when I have both.  I don't think children with siblings suffer.

It is irresponsible to have more than one child? 

Definately not

Is it irresponsible to only have one child?

Definately not

What do you think?  Were you an only child?  Are you raising an only child?

I think it all depends on the parents, some are happy to have one child and that one has a fullfilled life just like a family with more than one child.  I grew up with a younger brother and my Mom wanted to have more kids but my Dad said no.  I would have LOVED to have a younger sister or another brother.  I prefer having more than one child, I think it gives the older child responsibility and the younger one someone to look up to when they are older.  I just wish I could convince my husband of that, he has jealousy issues with his two younger sisters, but they are spoiled rotten compared to him.

[JJTaylor]

Are you able to provide the same attention and time to more than one child?  Or do children with siblings suffer?

I only have one child, so I can provide as much time as needed for my one child.  I don't think all kids "suffer" with siblings... I think it depends on the families and how they are growing up and how they are raised.

It is irresponsible to have more than one child? 

NO.  Why ask such a bad question.  To each their own.  I do not think this is a good question.  I think people will differ, some think differently, but, the only time I think it's irresponsible is when you have one or several and you are not being their parent, you allow the kids to raise each other and you are not able to provide even the essentials for one or more.

Is it irresponsible to only have one child?

Same goes for this question.  I am sure some will claim you have to have a sibling to keep your only company, I also think it's wrong to have a child for your other child.  You and your alone along with your husband or significant others are the ones that can only make that decision and this is not something that can be answered easily. 

What do you think?  Were you an only child?  Are you raising an only child?

I am an only raising an only.  My husband is the 2nd of two.  I grew up with several extended family almost next door to me pretty much my entire life, I had my fair share of sibling issues even not have a "real" brother or sister.  My cousins did their worse to me. 

I think it's up the the family and what they can mentally and physically do.  I am grateful every single day of my life that I was given the gift of my beautiful daughter.  I do not judge anyone for the amount of kids they do or don't have.  I only judge when they are not being a parent, that is when I wonder.  I can tell you as a child I seen both good and bad results of kids having bothers and sisters older and younger.  I can also tell you that onlies are not always spoiled rotten, however, they can be easily spoiled whereas some with more then one child may not be able to give everything to the one and has to spread the "stuff" around to the entire family. 

I can tell you that statistically I do agree that first borns, or onlies for that matter can be proven to be potentially smarter then other siblings, but that is environmental just as much as them actually being smarter for real.  It's true you will have more time and more money for that first then your 2nd and so on.  I can imagine it's harder with each child to make certain you are giving each of them the time they need and the time you feel they should have one on one with you.  Being a family of a chosen only makes it easier for us... We can do more things together as a family, we can do them when most have to worry about many other financial responsibilities.  We can afford to do many more things... and I can stay at home with our child while I know w/o a doubt had we had a 2nd we both would have to work full time. 

My husband had a very difficult childhood hid brother was horrid and treated him very badly, mentally and physically abusive, they have never had a relationship ever and still don't.  I know this doesn't happen all the time, but, there are many siblings that cannot stand each other; just because you have more then one child doesn't and won't guarantee they are a built in best friend or even two kids that have anything in common and will actually love each other how you dream of them doing. 

I had a decent childhood, I was an only child and I did have some confidence issues, I did have a higher I.Q. and was often times smarter then most in my class.  By the time I was in 1st grade I had already visited over 1/2 of the U.S. and by the time I was in 5th grade I had visited 3/4 of the continental U.S.  I got to do lots of things, experienced so much and if they would have "frequent" flyer miles back in the late 1970's and 1980's I would have racked up a lot!  I appreciate the time I had with my parents and things I got to see up close and experience.  I know being an only I was in a way gifted these experiences simply because my parents didn't necessarily have to be rich, we were middle class, blue collar, but, we were able to travel and do and see things...