Hot Topic (5/9): Can someone else correct your child?

[Cafe GroupAdmin]

Imagine you are at a playground or mall.  Your child is misbehaving and another adult steps in to correct your little one before you have a chance.

Is this okay with you?  How would you respond?

Or imagine you see someone else's child misbehave in a public area--will you step in and say something to the child if the mother is not paying attention or seems unconcerned? What if her child affects your child?  Do you say something?

Is it ever okay to correct someone else's child?  Has this ever happened to you?

[lbranta]

I try not to correct other people's children, unless they are doing something that puts themselves or others in danger.  If they are at my home or something I well tell them its not exceptable behavior in my home and if they want to do that they may go home.

[hsteele]

It depends on whether the child is doing something that will hurt her or someone else physically. Otherwise, there is no reason for anyone else to correct my daughter or for me to correct theres. What one parent considers misbehaving might not be considered misbehaving by another parent. Unless, like I said, someone is going to get hurt.

[JJTaylor]

I honestly am a parent/mother that is always around or near my daughter, she just turned 6 in March; I have never been a parent to ignore what is happening and IF my child does something wrong, I am the parent, and sadly at times the only parent it seems that will make my daughter not only stop whatever is happening and make her apologize to whomever needs to be apologized to. Bad behavior is not acceptable in our home! Never has been never will be!

My husband and I expect good manners and therefore our child is educated on this behavior.  I have had to deal with issues that have arisen and sadly, I try really hard to allow other parents to "parent" their kids... but, often times I have either told my child after the other child did something more then once, usually when my child tells them to please stop, and she asks nicely and regardless of my child's manners this other child does the same exact thing again, I typically step into the situation like this: my child will look to me, I will tell her to go play elsewhere, if she makes a deal about her wanting to play with or on a particular item, I will tell her to ignore the child, or explain, usually in a loud, but not hateful tone that I can only worry about her and how she acts and therefore I cannot control this other child.... sometimes I would say about 50% of the time the other child's parent will finally step in and resolve their child's behavior, IF the other child is still doing the same thing, even sometimes after my daughter has went elsewhere to get away from this trouble, I will at this point, and please keep in mind I am trying to do with the utmost respect, and nice voice as I can muster... I nicely say things like: that is not a nice thing to be doing, or: you should really not be doing that, or: I will kindly remind them that there is a huge area to play in and to find another place in the park or playground (for example) to play at. 

I find it a difficult issue all the way around, however, my child is extremely important to myself and my husband (dad) and even though I hate stepping in and saying things... my job is to defend, protect and be there for my child... therefore yes, I have had to say things at times, some parents seem upset, yet they say very little, It seems to me that they know their kids are not nice, or they just grab their kid and run the other way or they will apologize and tell their kid to stop... but sadly that does not happen that often. 

[resamerie]

I do not take well to other people correcting my child, as some people will just scream and not explain to her what she has done wrong and the consequences. If I see another child misbehaving, I will usually stay quiet unless it is something that will cause harm to them or my child. Then I will address the parent to let them deal with it in their way.  

[IhartU]

If their child's behavior is harming my own child, then you better believe I'll say something!

[EireLass]

This never came to be for me or my kids (now 29 & 26). I remember whenever I had to go somewhere and leave the kids with someone, or even the private school they went to for awhile. Part of my decision in leaving them with certain people was being okay with their choice and ways of discipline. So in those instances, I was always okay, should something happen to cause them to discipline my kids, I was okay with it.When I am in the grocery and see a kid acting up, I look at the parents face, and go from there. I typically say something really goofy to the kid, and it usually diverts their behaviour from what they were doing, and nobody is worse the wear.

[christina0607]

I always wait and give the parents time to react to their child, and if they don't then yes I will. For instance we were at the mall play area last week. My 2 sons were "playing" with 3 other boys, the boys were not related. These boys were calling my sons names, pushing them telling them they couldn't play on certain parts of the equipment. And nt only my sons, they were doing this to all the kids. But no one said anything. So yes, I did get up and tell the boys that their behaviour was not appropriate and they were not to put their hands on other people. And you know what, even after I talked to the boys the parents still didn't get off their butts.

As for my kids, I would be pissed if ayone spoke to my child. But, I am not that parent that doesn't care. So it's never been an issue.

[anita73]

There are too many possible scenarios that could be called "correction" to say definitely one way or another.  If someone corrects my child, I might tend to feel affronted at first, but I would ask myself basically, was it reasonable or not.  Other people's children, I will only correct if I know the parents well or if it is positively dangerous.

[Colleen801]

Sure, I don't have a problem telling kids if they are doing something wrong.  This is mostly with older kids whose parents aren't around and they are acting obnoxious, swearing at a playground, destroying property or putting themselves in harms way.  If it is a younger child I will assume that the parent is around and will discipline their own child.  However, if that parent is off in la la land and their child is hitting, pushing, saying inappropriate things, etc. then I will tell the child to stop it and go tell their mother what they just did.  If kids are over at my house, they must abide by the same rules as my dd (no jumping on the furniture, using your manners, can't color on the walls, etc.)  Isn't fair to my dd if I have one set of rules for her and a different set for her friends.  I would expect the same when dd is over at someone else's house and she was breaking one of their rules.  During playground time I keep an eye on her and will correct her if needed.  No one has ever had to correct her before,  but I can't see being bothered by it if she was acting inappropriately.  We live in a small community where everyone knows everyone so it is almost like you are disciplining your own child anyway.

[my2boyz117]

I do and will correct someones child if they are in danger or what they are doing affects my child!  I expect the same for my kid as well....if a parent isn't' paying attention then too bad for them if someone else steps in.  As long as it's appropriate, then I don't see any issue.  If a parent is sitting right there watching their kid mis-behave I usually stand back hoping they will correct them, once in a while I might make a remark, usually I 'll remove my kid from the situation  instead!