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Is yOUR man too busy to spent time with you WHEN HE IS OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS?

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I am sure it happens more than you want to admit.MY HUBBY IS NOT GOING OUT AT ALL I wished he would to a night with the boys out......IS...the man in your life sometimes he is pressing the mute in the control of his head bottom and he can not hear a word you are saying.? I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE TIMES you have planned activities together...I AM SPEAKING WHEN HE TALKS TO HIS BUDDIES AND YOU NEED HIS ATTENTION OR WHEN he comes home from work to relax and you start talking to him about issues involving your day....he hopes you can nag yourself to the point you will became exhausted...and eventually go away...so what you can do when he tells you he is too busy to spent time with you.in that particular moment?. CAN YOU PLAY MIND GAMES?it is time to show him with your actions that he is not going to be in charge of the terms. THE EXPERTS ARE SAYING....you also need to make excuses.... why you can not spent time with him. THE TIMES YOU ARE BUSY.....what do you think about this approach?
Joanna...
by on May. 12, 2009 at 10:37 PM
Replies (21-30):
Athena01426
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2009 at 6:01 PM
OK...in your case you do not need to be concerned ...I am glad you have no issue with that...but it happens to some people that I know AND READ SOME BOOKS ON RELATIONSHIPS ...THEY WILL TELL YOU THAT A MAN NEED HIS SPACE...so HE WILL NOT FEEL he is in a cage....
Joanna...
myboyzluvme
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2009 at 6:20 PM

My dh & I have been married for almost 10 years now.  We have a great communication system in place.   And we pretty much know what the other is thinking or going to say,  before it's ever said.   But when we first got together....there was a time, that I felt he was not spending enough time with us.  (My son and me).   He was always fishing tournaments, hunting, or playing softball.  And although his love for these things played a part as to why I fell in love with him in the first place...it soon become a bit of a problem between us. 

Fast forward a bit....after getting angry and holding back (not wanting to become the 'nagging bitchy wife'),  I decided to take the approach in which my mom always suggsted to me years ago.   Talking is good....however, actions DO speak louder than words!!  Sooooo, everytime he'd say he wanted to go fishing, instead of getting mad, upset, or saying,  "I'd rather you not" I'd just make sure I'd plan something the *next* weekend.  Well....after this went on for a little while, he started to get annoyed and alittle worried even about me going so much.  VIsiting friends, shopping, the beach, etc., etc.  I was enjoying myself too!!  And he knew it.   So one day he says..."you're going AGAIN?!"   "Um...yeah.....and what's wrong with that?!"   Well, needless to say,  this opened up the can of worms (so to speak).  Long story short....we now do things in moderation.  ALWAYS putting family first.   Oh we still make time for our friends, and hobbies, but quality time with our family,  takes priority above all else.   : )   Sometimes *talking* just isn't enough.

Athena01426
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Thank you so much...this is the response I WAS WAITING TO HEAR...Talking it is not always the only think you can do. .IT IS what the experts suggest..that men need their own space like we do...it is not healthy to keep a hubby on the cage in the hopes he will spent time with the family. or listen to you like a therapist would do..or your girlfriends.....but when you use the approach I mentioned less talking and more action... and you already tried ... Moms KNOW BEST... in your family and worked...to keep him busy and plan activities together.in the dates you knew he was planning a sport event..it is a smart way.....also if the man knows that as a wife you have a life outside the home he gets more curious where you go who are you spending your time with.and what fun things you are doing with your friends.......and he does not take you for granted.After all we all had A LIFE BEFORE WE MET OUR spouses.....THANK YOU !
Joanna...
momofthree929
by on May. 13, 2009 at 6:43 PM

I guess thus far I have been very lucky. My fiance always has time for me and my kids. Granted there are the few times we are talking with the neighbors and it's like I'm not even there but it's only for a few min and not very often. He hasn't gone out with his friends in ??? maybe 2 years. They usually come to our house. He goes next door to play ps3 with the neighbor when I'm at work but that doesn't bother me. Maybe it'll change when we are married but after 3 1/2 years like this I sure hope not.

Athena01426
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2009 at 9:05 PM
My hobby is not going OUT a lot..I wished he would. HE HAD A FRIEND LAST YEAR AND HE WANTED ME TO GO ALONG WITH HIM..The other guy was feeling uncomfortable with me there and he even commented why my hubby drags me along......I believe that because someone is getting married does not mean that they are captive ,,they should have some space...to do the things they like...I WOULD NOT envision being married to someone who is spending everyday of their life with me...I BELIEVE IT IS NOT healthy...at lease in my relationship...
Joanna...
Lexy2518
by Member on May. 13, 2009 at 9:20 PM

ya after a long day at work (he's on the phone talking all day) sometimes he just doesn't feel like listening anymore, and that's ok with me. We can't all be on point all day long. We def. have time to talk, but I have gf's for the real dishing I need to do, cuz I know my hubby doesn't want to hear every little thing I have to say, just like I don't care to talk about sports. Guess we are not perfect...o well. We love each other and it works for us.

Quoting evythecute:

Well my husband is flawed *gasp* lol. Yeah there are times he doesn't want to listen to me jabber. I get it. But he knows if he doesn't give me the mental and emotional attention i need, he doesn't get the physical attention he needs lol. So its his choice. I don't believe any one person can fully fulfil our every need. That's why we need friends so our man isn't the only person we have to talk to

Athena01426
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2009 at 11:10 PM
YOU right ...when they have a stressful day it is hard to sit down and focus...it happens to me also...you need an outlet ...to relax and take the edge off...first and then in about an hour... mine is ready to engage in a conversation...I LOVE to watch shows like Everybody loves Raymond...in one of the episodes Ray comes home from work ...he is not listening a word his wife said and run for the beer and the couch....
Joanna...
ta1jade
by on May. 13, 2009 at 11:38 PM


Quoting Athena01426:

AND they are women out there who they are not married to a perfect husband...being married for few months is not really a lot of time to test the waters...but ...if you think men are not capable to tune woman out and make it look he is all ears you are mistaken....

well we aren't married but I certainly don't think I'm mistaken in thinking some men are indeed capable of being all ears for their women - just as some men are NOT capable of this. I think you may be mistaken in assuming all men must be the same way in this area. You sound a little disappointed with the way your dh is acting, which is completely understandable; I mean I completely see where you coming from. I felt the same way with my ex. All I'm saying is not to write off all men as the same, because of one disappointing experience. I also think your dh may be perfectly capable of meeting your needs - and I hope you two can work it out. I wish you both the best in all things.

wesandpatsmom
by on May. 14, 2009 at 8:32 AM

Jake doesnt' go out as much as me, he is not as outgoing and social. However, he does go across the street and play pool with the neighbor about once a week.

Julie Potter, mom to Wesley and Patrick.

myboyzluvme
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2009 at 10:08 AM


Quoting Athena01426:

Thank you so much...this is the response I WAS WAITING TO HEAR...Talking it is not always the only think you can do. .IT IS what the experts suggest..that men need their own space like we do...it is not healthy to keep a hubby on the cage in the hopes he will spent time with the family. or listen to you like a therapist would do..or your girlfriends.....but when you use the approach I mentioned less talking and more action... and you already tried ... Moms KNOW BEST... in your family and worked...to keep him busy and plan activities together.in the dates you knew he was planning a sport event..it is a smart way.....also if the man knows that as a wife you have a life outside the home he gets more curious where you go who are you spending your time with.and what fun things you are doing with your friends.......and he does not take you for granted.After all we all had A LIFE BEFORE WE MET OUR spouses.....THANK YOU !

You'll get the respect you want and deserve as a wife by being your own person and having your own hobbies as well.  : )   And keeping them on their toes, not letting them get *too comfortable* that they take you for granted, is very mportant!

We don't want to hold them back from doing things they love and enjoy....(not to mention this would result in resentment),  but just doing things in moderation and prioritizing, is the key.   

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