Letting Kids be Kids. Are We Too Protective of Our Children?

[PurdueMom]

Are we too protective of our children?    Do you monitor your children every second they are outside or are you comfortable to let them out of your sight?

Quoting another mom in another group: 

In 2006 (US census bureau): US population: children: 42,667,761; female 40,328,895: for a total of 82,996,656 people under the age of 19.

In 2002 (provided by National Center for Missing and Exploited Children): 797,500 people under 18 were reported missing. Of those cases, 203,900 were family abductions, 58,200 were nonfamily abductions, and only 115 were "stereotypical kidnappings" 

Assuming no population change between 2002 and 2006, and the help of some basic math:

% of children reported missing: 0.96%

% of children involved in a family abduction: 0.25%

% of children involved in non-family abductions: 0.07%

% of children involved in a stereotypical kidnapping: 0.0000014%

 

The odds of a child being randomly kidnapped by a total stranger is so miniscule, isn't it okay to loosen the reins a little a let a child play and explore within a pre-determined boundary out from under Mommy's watchful eyes?  Or is any risk, no matter how miniscule, too much for you to let your kid(s) roam your neighborhood as a free agent?

 

[Wyldbutterfly]

Quoting EireLass:

Quoting Godgaveme4:

Quoting ellieemc2:

In today's world it pays to be protective. Children can't be children anymore. They don't have the freedom to play outside up & down the block like years ago what with all the sickos and perverts living in the neighborhoods and roaming the streets looking for a child to molest. What parent would take that chance lest their child become a victim? Sad state of affairs but until the laws change and serious steps are taken to do away with these perpetrators maybe the crime rate will go down when they see they'll be executed for their crimes.

The only difference between today and twenty years ago is that the media reports everything.  I can guarentee you that there were perverts and sickos and bad apples when i was a child.....when my parents were children....when my greandparents were children.  This is not new.  I think the only thing that has changed is peoples attitudes and how they handle the information.

When i was younger i roamed my neighborhood from sun up to sun down (that was the rule we had to be in the house when the street lights came on).  I am trying to let my kids have the same experience.  We were in and out of our friends houses, riding up and down the street and exploing the woods and stream behind the houses.  I am trying very hard to give my kids the same thing.

That's not the only difference from then to now. We (well, I don't know how old you are, so maybe I shouldn't say "we") grew up in a time where you belonged to the neighborhood. Meaning, other mothers/parents didn't hesitate to yell at you if you did something wrong. And you're own parent didn't hesitate with the other neighbors kids. You didn't get away with much, because through neighborhood parenting they were always telling on you. haha. Taking cookies from the neighbor? Yea, you were probably in there helping them bake them. Times have changed drastically. Most people don't even know who lives 3 houses away.

This is so very true. Times are different. Our entire neighborhood knew each others kids and we actually knew our neighbors and they all watched out for all of the kids. I could never get away with anything because they were always watching. Times are surely different and in truth it saddens me. In todays world  it is "It's all about me".

[Godgaveme4]

Quoting brookelynn0203:

Good for you!!  I have had similar posts like this because it disturbs me how lazy most parents are, and that is exactly what it is a mixture between stupidity and pure lazy.  Its sad that parents don't step up.  I have posted before that my daughter is 6 and has never had more than a handful of bruises, she has never had a broken anything or even a skinned knee and do you know why?  Because accidents can be prevented 90% of the time.  From the time my DD was born the house was "truly" babyproofed.  And from their I took the time to teach her right form wrong, just as you said with no jumping from the beds to wearing knee pads when she rides her bike and so on...

I have tons of friends who's kids look like they have been to war, and its because they do not take the time to teach their children nor watch their children's actitivites.  Sadly, they will end up paying for it one day.  And the few that escape trouble are the ones who will call us overprotective.  I could debate this topic for days on end, but most parents just don't get it.  My DD is a healthy, active, well adjusted 1st grader and I am proud of the job I am doing as a mom!!!

You know it is great that you have prevented your child from having bruises and such.  But for some of us it is not a matter of ignoring our children or not stepping up.  We just like to let them play and learn some life lessons.  There is nothing wrong with that.

My kids have cuts and bruises daily.  They play very hard.  And I personally would not change it a bit.  Sure they wear helmets when they ride bikes and scooters and skateboards.  But things still happen.  In fact we are thinking of buying stock in band-aids and neosporin.

And foryour information, all 4 of my kids are very healthy and active kids too.  They entertain themselves very well.

And you should  be proud of the job you are doing.  Just because we choose to parent a little different doesn't mean one of us is better than the other.

[miss146mn]

Quoting Godgaveme4:

Quoting brookelynn0203:

Good for you!!  I have had similar posts like this because it disturbs me how lazy most parents are, and that is exactly what it is a mixture between stupidity and pure lazy.  Its sad that parents don't step up.  I have posted before that my daughter is 6 and has never had more than a handful of bruises, she has never had a broken anything or even a skinned knee and do you know why?  Because accidents can be prevented 90% of the time.  From the time my DD was born the house was "truly" babyproofed.  And from their I took the time to teach her right form wrong, just as you said with no jumping from the beds to wearing knee pads when she rides her bike and so on...

I have tons of friends who's kids look like they have been to war, and its because they do not take the time to teach their children nor watch their children's actitivites.  Sadly, they will end up paying for it one day.  And the few that escape trouble are the ones who will call us overprotective.  I could debate this topic for days on end, but most parents just don't get it.  My DD is a healthy, active, well adjusted 1st grader and I am proud of the job I am doing as a mom!!!

You know it is great that you have prevented your child from having bruises and such.  But for some of us it is not a matter of ignoring our children or not stepping up.  We just like to let them play and learn some life lessons.  There is nothing wrong with that.

My kids have cuts and bruises daily.  They play very hard.  And I personally would not change it a bit.  Sure they wear helmets when they ride bikes and scooters and skateboards.  But things still happen.  In fact we are thinking of buying stock in band-aids and neosporin.

And foryour information, all 4 of my kids are very healthy and active kids too.  They entertain themselves very well.

And you should  be proud of the job you are doing.  Just because we choose to parent a little different doesn't mean one of us is better than the other.

Yeah, I have to say I found the "lazy" comment to be quite offensive. 

I've grown up to be a very anxious adult, with a lot of fear, and there is NO WAY I wish that on my child.  My mother "protected" me with fearful, obnoxious statements about how she wanted to know where I was so "when the news comes to our house, I can say I knew" or wanted me to take my library card so "when they found my body down by the river" they'd know who it was. Now this is my personal experience with an overprotective mother.

As a pre-school teacher, I was taught to OBSERVE the children and help only when they asked or seemed to be in IMMEDIATE danger of injury.  The idea was to allow the child to LEARN from their mistakes, or critical thinking, not to allow me to be LAZY.

~Melissa

[Godgaveme4]

Quoting miss146mn:

Quoting Godgaveme4:

Quoting brookelynn0203:

Good for you!!  I have had similar posts like this because it disturbs me how lazy most parents are, and that is exactly what it is a mixture between stupidity and pure lazy.  Its sad that parents don't step up.  I have posted before that my daughter is 6 and has never had more than a handful of bruises, she has never had a broken anything or even a skinned knee and do you know why?  Because accidents can be prevented 90% of the time.  From the time my DD was born the house was "truly" babyproofed.  And from their I took the time to teach her right form wrong, just as you said with no jumping from the beds to wearing knee pads when she rides her bike and so on...

I have tons of friends who's kids look like they have been to war, and its because they do not take the time to teach their children nor watch their children's actitivites.  Sadly, they will end up paying for it one day.  And the few that escape trouble are the ones who will call us overprotective.  I could debate this topic for days on end, but most parents just don't get it.  My DD is a healthy, active, well adjusted 1st grader and I am proud of the job I am doing as a mom!!!

You know it is great that you have prevented your child from having bruises and such.  But for some of us it is not a matter of ignoring our children or not stepping up.  We just like to let them play and learn some life lessons.  There is nothing wrong with that.

My kids have cuts and bruises daily.  They play very hard.  And I personally would not change it a bit.  Sure they wear helmets when they ride bikes and scooters and skateboards.  But things still happen.  In fact we are thinking of buying stock in band-aids and neosporin.

And foryour information, all 4 of my kids are very healthy and active kids too.  They entertain themselves very well.

And you should  be proud of the job you are doing.  Just because we choose to parent a little different doesn't mean one of us is better than the other.

Yeah, I have to say I found the "lazy" comment to be quite offensive. 

I've grown up to be a very anxious adult, with a lot of fear, and there is NO WAY I wish that on my child.  My mother "protected" me with fearful, obnoxious statements about how she wanted to know where I was so "when the news comes to our house, I can say I knew" or wanted me to take my library card so "when they found my body down by the river" they'd know who it was. Now this is my personal experience with an overprotective mother.

As a pre-school teacher, I was taught to OBSERVE the children and help only when they asked or seemed to be in IMMEDIATE danger of injury.  The idea was to allow the child to LEARN from their mistakes, or critical thinking, not to allow me to be LAZY.

~Melissa

I have taught pre-school also.  And that is the way I was taught and ran my classroom.  It only made sense to carry it into my home with my own children.

My kids are in the process of digging a fox hole in the back yard.  They have dug a hole that is about 2 feet deep and they are still going.  Apparently there is going to be some big battle in my backyard later.  I better make sure i have extra bubble bath for tonight.

[anxiousschk]

Hold on...a parent who has a kid who falls is lazy?

Am I reading that right?

Nah...I'm just lucky.  My 6 (almost 7) y.o. has had maybe 1 scraped knee...maybe? Some bruises...no broken bones..but heck..I barely had any broken bones...and it wasn't for lack of playing hard.

Some kids are just klutzy!

Case in point:  We were all sledding (whole neighborhood, parents and children) during our one real snowfall.  Everyone is fine the whole time....however, the neighborhood klutz manages to somehow twist his sled and curve in a way that no one else ever managed to in hours of sledding....somehow hits concrete and bam, head is cut open...stitches. 

He's also the kid that fell down the stairs TWICE in my house in 30 min when DD had already lived here for a year and never fallen down them once.

Not so coordinated.

Don't judge a parent by the bruises and scrapes a kid gets....I mean, really.  That's absurd.

[EireLass]

Quoting brookelynn0203:

Good for you!!  I have had similar posts like this because it disturbs me how lazy most parents are, and that is exactly what it is a mixture between stupidity and pure lazy.  Its sad that parents don't step up.  I have posted before that my daughter is 6 and has never had more than a handful of bruises, she has never had a broken anything or even a skinned knee and do you know why?  Because accidents can be prevented 90% of the time.  From the time my DD was born the house was "truly" babyproofed.  And from their I took the time to teach her right form wrong, just as you said with no jumping from the beds to wearing knee pads when she rides her bike and so on...

I have tons of friends who's kids look like they have been to war, and its because they do not take the time to teach their children nor watch their children's actitivites.  Sadly, they will end up paying for it one day.  And the few that escape trouble are the ones who will call us overprotective.  I could debate this topic for days on end, but most parents just don't get it.  My DD is a healthy, active, well adjusted 1st grader and I am proud of the job I am doing as a mom!!!

Nice that you can judge all kids and all parents when you're only a parent of an ONLY 6 year old!! Let me tell you....the more active the child is, the higher the percentage of injuries. Do the numbers......you know, law of averages? My kids are 29 & 26. Daughter was a jock from 2nd grade on. Only girl on a boys hockey team. Soccer year round on 3 leagues. Softball. Basketball. Field Hockey. Yup...very busy, very active (and with this, never in any trouble!!). Would it be better for me to say "awww, honey, we don't want you wearing a band-aid, you best be sittin' your little butt in front of the tv so you don't get hurt"? I don't think so. Yes, she's broken her arm, had many bruises, sprains, and wore her share of band-aids. She's a very healthy, athletic girl.

[ellieemc2]

Quoting mamadixon:

I am fairly protective.Some would certainly label me overprotective.My view is that it is my job to protect them until they are of an age to understand the dangers and protect themselves.Just because it is not likely to happen does not mean that it will not.I would die if something happened to one of my kids that I felt I could have prevented.Like holding hands in parking lots(even the oldest who is nearly 9).No, I never let them go outside unsupervised.

I'm with you. Better safe than sorry.

[Godgaveme4]

Quoting EireLass:

Nice that you can judge all kids and all parents when you're only a parent of an ONLY 6 year old!! Let me tell you....the more active the child is, the higher the percentage of injuries. Do the numbers......you know, law of averages? My kids are 29 & 26. Daughter was a jock from 2nd grade on. Only girl on a boys hockey team. Soccer year round on 3 leagues. Softball. Basketball. Field Hockey. Yup...very busy, very active (and with this, never in any trouble!!). Would it be better for me to say "awww, honey, we don't want you wearing a band-aid, you best be sittin' your little butt in front of the tv so you don't get hurt"? I don't think so. Yes, she's broken her arm, had many bruises, sprains, and wore her share of band-aids. She's a very healthy, athletic girl.

Our family looks at scars and injuries and part of your life story.  My kids love to ask my husband about his scars and hear the stories behind them.

My oldest has had a concussion, fractured, broken and sprained limbs.  He loves telling people the story of how they happen.

[teammom23]

 

Quoting brookelynn0203:

Quoting ashnevlex:

I will be the first to tell you that I am an over-protective mom. I don't care what people's opinions are about it either. I feel it's better to be safe than sorry. I am constantly telling my 2 year old DD not to do certain things, like stand on tables, jump off the couch, watch where she's going when she's on the stairs, an all kinds of other stuff. I don't want her to fall and break a bone or something. I'm paranoid about her breaking her neck and becoming paralized for the rest of her life. Or about her falling and busting a tooth out and having to be the toothless kid in preschool when she starts or something like that. My biggest thing though, is her getting kidnapped. I don't know why, but for some reason I'm super paranoid about that. She never goes outside without me being right beside her. I never even leave doors unlocked in my house. I get told all the time that the odds of that happening are so low, espcially for where we live, but the way I see it is, that kind of thing always happens to the people who think it will never happen to them. If I'm paranoid about it and keeping an eye and a hand on my child at all times, then it can't happen, because I'm always right by her. And if someone still tried it with me right there then they better be ready to take me with them too cuz they're not getting her out of my hands. I know, I think about this stuff too much, but I can't help it. I don't know what's wrong with me, lol. I just feel like I need to do evrything I can think of to protect my children, and if that means I'm going to be that crazy paranoid mom, then so be it. 

Good for you!!  I have had similar posts like this because it disturbs me how lazy most parents are, and that is exactly what it is a mixture between stupidity and pure lazy.  Its sad that parents don't step up.  I have posted before that my daughter is 6 and has never had more than a handful of bruises, she has never had a broken anything or even a skinned knee and do you know why?  Because accidents can be prevented 90% of the time.  From the time my DD was born the house was "truly" babyproofed.  And from their I took the time to teach her right form wrong, just as you said with no jumping from the beds to wearing knee pads when she rides her bike and so on...

I have tons of friends who's kids look like they have been to war, and its because they do not take the time to teach their children nor watch their children's actitivites.  Sadly, they will end up paying for it one day.  And the few that escape trouble are the ones who will call us overprotective.  I could debate this topic for days on end, but most parents just don't get it.  My DD is a healthy, active, well adjusted 1st grader and I am proud of the job I am doing as a mom!!!

I am truly flabbergasted by this stupidity and lack of common sense of this. Wow. Sounds like you live in a bit of a fantasy world. It seems to me that you may be the lazy one for not teaching your kids how to deal with the bad as well as the good.

Anyway....this is how I see it, if you overprotect your children too much, they will be not be prepared for how to handle themselves (as a general rule) when they are older and expected to take care of themselves.  This is certainly not true in every case but I will tell you that EVERY parent I've encountered who has overprotected their child to the point of ridiculous has raised a child who freaked out when they went off to college or even as they graduated high school. They still relied on mommy and daddy to fix everything for them.

And how are they expected to react when they do hurt themselves? My kids were taught early on how to clean and dress a cut or a scrape by themselves. They were not kept in a bubble of me hanging over their every move. Yet I did keep an eye on them...from a distance.

If you don't allow them to experience the fall, how will they learn to fix it on their own?

[Wyldbutterfly]

Quoting anxiousschk:

Hold on...a parent who has a kid who falls is lazy?

Am I reading that right?

Nah...I'm just lucky.  My 6 (almost 7) y.o. has had maybe 1 scraped knee...maybe? Some bruises...no broken bones..but heck..I barely had any broken bones...and it wasn't for lack of playing hard.

Some kids are just klutzy!

Case in point:  We were all sledding (whole neighborhood, parents and children) during our one real snowfall.  Everyone is fine the whole time....however, the neighborhood klutz manages to somehow twist his sled and curve in a way that no one else ever managed to in hours of sledding....somehow hits concrete and bam, head is cut open...stitches. 

He's also the kid that fell down the stairs TWICE in my house in 30 min when DD had already lived here for a year and never fallen down them once.

Not so coordinated.

Don't judge a parent by the bruises and scrapes a kid gets....I mean, really.  That's absurd.

 

I had to chuckle at this. For a few summers I had the Orthopaedics doctor on speed dial. My daughter had her first break when she was 3. She tripped in our backyard and broke her arm. The following year in pre k she fell off the balance beam and broke her other arm. My son oh sheesh where do I even start? He's such an active boy and always has been. His first break was his Clavicle bone from falling off his bike riding it in the quarry with his dad. His second break was his wrist he fell skateboarding and broke it. Then once again his wrist from skateboarding. Then once again his Clavicle bone playing football.  And lets not forget the finger he broke when he got into a fight with another boy over something so trivial.I was actually wondering what kind of parent the Ortho thought I was.  Not to mention all of the bumps, bruises, scraped shins and knees in between.  I must be the worlds laziest Mom. LOL

Kids will be kids and both of mine are into sports and very active. All of those breaks does not make me a lazy parent. I can't possibly stop every injury a child will incur over their life time. Then again at the same time I call myself a protective Mom because I really don't allow my children to do  a lot or so they seem to think.

For instance my 17 y/o thinks I am the meanest Mom because I will not just allow him to jump in a car with any kid he knows. And my daughter thinks I am the meanest Mom because I will not allow her to go over to the park that is four blocks away from home without a parent. And if they ride their bikes a helmet is a MUST!

I make them both check in with me all the time. They both have their own cell phones and I will not allow sleep overs if I do not know the parents of haven't directly spoke to the parents. I was surprised by how many parent actually allow it.