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Abortion - the other side.....

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I read all the debates on here. Oh, sure, they start off innocent enough, with a simple question. But 879 replies into it, I think the women are loading their guns next to their computer. Seems to get pretty ugly.

Nobody every considers the other side. My side. I was a child rape victim. After many tears, consultation, etc. I had an abortion. Nobody thinks of these situations. It's always argued as though they're "those" women who just don't want to be careful, and sleep around and use it as birth control. Nobody ever thinks of the young girl who wasn't sleeping around...in fact, didn't even really know what that was about. Obviously wasn't on birth control...why would someone put a child on birth control?

Yes I believe in God. Yes, I believe I am a child of God. To have gone through that pregnancy, and subsequently deliver a child would have been murder to my mental/emotional person, I would have been destroyed as a functioning person. If I'm the actual person you can see, don't you think of me before you think of the tiny baby in me that you can't see? Why is there more importance placed an a baby than me? I'm already existing with a huge future in front of me. Don't I matter?

by on Jun. 12, 2009 at 8:35 AM
Replies (21-25):
PamR
by Pam on Jun. 12, 2009 at 11:35 AM
The problem could be that we choose to keep our children ignorant of the facts about sexuality, and instead make them promise to be celibate until marriage and "educate" them with abstinence-only sex education. Over half of all pregnancies, including those among married women, are unplanned. So obviously there's a disconnect somewhere, because birth control works most of the time if you use it correctly and consistently. Maybe the first step in cutting down on abortions is to make sure that young people understand how to prevent pregnancy. Anti-abortion groups might also consider channeling their time and money into programs that help young women with unplanned pregnancy, as opposed to shouting at them outside of abortion clinics. Giving a poor woman with no medical insurance and no money to pay for prenatal care, a roof over her head, medical care for her and her baby, job training. . . might cut down on the abortion rate, too. Making abortion illegal won't make it stop happening. It will just make it unsafe.
PurdueMom
by Sherri on Jun. 12, 2009 at 11:39 AM


Quoting EireLass:

 

. . .What it did leave me with as a young woman (back then, I'm now 51), was the strong desire to have children when I was married. And it created in me a form of love that I don't see often in young mothers towards their children. I have an amazing bond with my (now) adult children, yet they are extremely independant of me. It has created in me the appreciation for the gift that God has given me.

Now that I'm an adult and can look back, would I do it the same all over? Yes.


I can empathize with you, EireLass, as I was sexually molested at age 11.  I was penetrated but not with his penis, so the incident did not result in a pregnancy.   I think of my pre-adolescent self and what I went through mentally alone was hard enough, -- I know in my heart a pregnancy at that age would have ... I can't even think of the right words... ruined me further, I guess.  This was 1972.  An abortion would not have been an option then anyway...

At the age of 17, I got pregnant by my BF of 2 yrs.  We were using condoms, as I could not get the BC pill on my own at age 17 without my parent's consent, and I did not want my parents to know I was sexually active.   This was 1977, and I was being careful and responsible not to get pregnant (also, BF was away at college, so our sexual activity was around once a month), but I still wound up pregnant.   For personal reasons and because this is already getting long, I won't delve into why we decided to abort the baby, but plans were made to go to an abortion clinic in a neighboring State.  I miscarried a couple of days before my appointment, but I would have gone through with it.   Did I grieve for my dead baby?  A little.  I felt sorry for it, in that it was here at the wrong time and under the wrong circumstances.  I consoled myself with the belief that it was never aware that it was here and then not.   Truthfully, what I felt more than anything at the time, though, was relief.   

What the experience did for me was exactly as you state above.  My BF and I married after college, and immediately started having babies.  We were now prepared to give our children a good life... and I don't mean material things -- I mean prepared to give them a home and healthy nourishment, and since my husband was able to finish college and get a good, stable job, I was able to stay at home full-time with my babies.  The bond I have with my now independent adult daughters is inpenetrable, also. 

I can't regret losing or almost aborting my first unborn child because I wouldn't have the three beautiful daughters I have today, for surely my life's path would have been completely different.  Now, as an adult with lots of life experience behind me at age 48, I can see if I had not miscarried and had let my first pregnancy continue, I would have a child that I love as much as I do my living children, and we would have made it somehow... but at the time, I saw no other way out of what I thought was a life-altering event, and possible ruination of other important relationships in my life.

If any of my daughters would find herself in a situation where she was contemplating an abortion, I would do everything in my power to dissuade her from that decision... but ultimately, it would be her choice.   My experience at age 17 is the reason I raised my daughters that they and they alone are in control of their reproductive rights.   I allowed them to be on the pill when they requested it, without question nor judgement from me.  I answered all their sex questions honestly and early, so they knew what the consequences of sex were before they were sexually active themselves. 

Bashing, judging, and resorting to violence against women are not going to end abortion.  Better access to birth control and EDUCATION are the keys, and how/ways to improve this is what all of us should be discussing...   

Sherri
3timesoccermom
by Member on Jun. 12, 2009 at 11:56 AM

What an intelligent, articulate and sensitive bunch of ladies you are. 

In addition to what the OP mentions, I also want to add, if it were one of my family members in a situation described by EireLass, I would be concerned about psychological problems from the rapist being passed on to the child if the mother were to carry the child to term.  It would take a rare person to look at a product of rape every day and have no emotional or other problems and to keep from directing them toward the child.

Additionally, while I agree an abortion could possibly create physical damage, carrying a pregnancy to term, especially in the case of a very young girl, is not without risk either.  Pregnancy is very taxing for even the healthiest women.

Coopette428
by New Member on Jun. 12, 2009 at 12:35 PM
Uh...you may want to do more fact checking, because most pro-lifers DO channel their time, money, and effort into helping at crisis pregnancy centers and not protesting. Maybe you should get to know some so you don't fall for stereotypes.
Quoting PamR:

The problem could be that we choose to keep our children ignorant of the facts about sexuality, and instead make them promise to be celibate until marriage and "educate" them with abstinence-only sex education. Over half of all pregnancies, including those among married women, are unplanned. So obviously there's a disconnect somewhere, because birth control works most of the time if you use it correctly and consistently. Maybe the first step in cutting down on abortions is to make sure that young people understand how to prevent pregnancy. Anti-abortion groups might also consider channeling their time and money into programs that help young women with unplanned pregnancy, as opposed to shouting at them outside of abortion clinics. Giving a poor woman with no medical insurance and no money to pay for prenatal care, a roof over her head, medical care for her and her baby, job training. . . might cut down on the abortion rate, too. Making abortion illegal won't make it stop happening. It will just make it unsafe.

PamR
by Pam on Jun. 12, 2009 at 2:21 PM
I do know some. In fact, I support (with money and time) a couple here who have started a program that gives homeless pregnant women a place to live, medical care, job training, a place to stay after their baby is born and whatever else they need to become responsible parents. These people are adamantly pro-life, no wiggle room whatsoever. I don't agree with them about making abortion illegal, but they are actually doing something to help, not just talking about it or trying to shame women into staying pregnant. And anyone who does this kind of thing is actually reducing the need for abortion.
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