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Ladies this is a subject that is very controversial. Issues that alot of Mom's have very different opinions about. I would like to know what you think about STEP Mom's invading your role as a Biological Mother and what have been some of the issues surrounding this subject?

Understanding.. I feel there are alot of GREAT! Step Mom's out there, however there are some that are very controlling and vindictive. What is your take on this subject?


Renae



by on Sep. 16, 2009 at 1:50 PM
Replies (101-110):
glitterteaz
by Ruby Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 5:18 AM
1 mom liked this

My situation in life worked out perfectly one husband married 25 yrs. No need for any step parents. Problem solved.

smalltowngal
by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting glitterteaz:

My situation in life worked out perfectly one husband married 25 yrs. No need for any step parents. Problem solved. 

That's what I'm hoping for. I just read these posts and a lot of people sound crazy. I will never understand the fight over the title of Mom. 


parentalrights1
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 8:34 AM
My stepdad and mom split up and both have different partners now

My sis is still a teenager. I think my mom and her stepmom have always been jealous of eachother. My mom left my stepdad but she didn't want anyone else having him and his new wife felt my mom was better looking than her and always thinks they want eachother back

My sis and her stepmom have never gotten along but while I doubt my sis was an angel, the stepmom crosses the line too much and my stepdad is so afraid to be alone he puts up with t and often sides with his wife when she's going on a rant (like if sis didn't hear the phone ring, she will rant saying sis doesn't answer on purpose and sis gets yelled at no matter what she says)

When it was snowing and piled up, freezing outside my sis was t allowed to talk to mom in the house. She had to take her phone outside and sit in the snow with it. Stepdad and his wife constantly fight and he's not allowed to talk to his ex about his child but she invites all her exes for dinner all the time. Sis finally moved out with our grandparents and she's constantly guilted by both stepdad and his wife that she's so selfish and she's all her dad has so how could she move out. When she lived with them she was constantly calling mom crying about how they emotionally manipulate and guilt her

Finally her stepmom was in the car with her asking her why she won't come back and sis refused so she kicked her out of the house and kicked stepdad out when he tried to defend her.

And now he's back with her because he thinks he can't make it on his own
.OceanBlue.
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 8:49 AM

We are a blended family, and my ex is remarried as well. Thankfully, we don't have any real issues about the stepparent vs. biological parent thing.  Everyone tends to respect each other's roles and we all get along. I don't know if I can express how grateful I am for this. 

MKsmom15
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 3:57 AM
In my situation BM is involved. I am SM She has every other week visitation. We see our daughter the same amount of time. I have been in her life since she was weeks old. She calls me mommy because she wants to. I never have told her what to call me. She calls
her bio mom "Mommy -and her first name." BM does the best she can, but that involves not being very involved in healthcare and allowing SD to be an used by a now ex-husband of hers. I have taken up a lot of responsibility when it comes to school and healthcare out of necessity. BM feels I have taken over, and in the same breath admits she has given up doing a lot of things herself bc I will do it if she doesn't. It's a fine line and a hard balance.


Quoting nbr1sahm:



Quoting CSRodriguez:


I think the choice is always there  stay out of it  ,  Let daddy deal with issues pertaining to his children  , if you get custody or what ever because maybe bio mom is  having issue ,  You need to  not trash talk her,    YOu also need to let the guy talk about his kids with the mom  with out the jelous bullshit   It is bussines they have kids .


If they are talking about things other than thier kids then there relationship was not finishe to begin with ,


I am talking basic respect   


 


If you get in a relationship with a man with kids you gotta be ready for the  thorns in the bed of roses    Is all I am saying


 


Quoting nbr1sahm:


 


Quoting CSRodriguez:


I will be honest  I think a man that trash talks the  mom of his kids is a peice of shit , and a woman who wants a guy like that is  and idiot .


If you get in the way of a bio mom  and her kid   I have no sympathy


 



What if you don't have a choice but to 'get in the way', as you say?





I am custodial stepmom to SS who's BM is basically a POS. I don't talk shit about  her in front of SS, as a matter of fact I've bent over backwards to foster a relationship between SS and BM... which BM is simply not responding to. When DH and I got married, my entire paycheck went to pay for insurance premium for SS, Childcare, etc. I take him to the doctor, go to Parent Teacher conferences, Boy Scouts... and now I am his room  mother for the school year. 90% because I want to, and 10% because BM isn't around to do these things with him.


We have tried to coordinate visitations, of which she usually backs out. She doesn't pay CS as she is ordered to and hasn't now for 5 years. She doesn't send him toys for Christmas or his birthday (usually) and when she does they are second  hand dirty and usually broken. I can't remember the last time she has called, and when she does call to talk to him she takes no interest in his schooling, friends, etc. She is like a child herself who insists on 'playing' with him on the phone calling him childish names and saying "i'm gonna get you!"


I don't have the option to stay out of her way. If anything, her lack of involvement stands in our way of making sure SS does not feel abandoned or unwanted. I wouldn't have married DH if I wasn't willing to take on this role. DH travels a lot for work to make sure I'm able to stay home with the kids and provide BOTH of them with a loving home. I have the time to ensure SS has a good quality of life and I enjoy doing so.


So, I have taken on the role of his primary care giver. BM can kiss my ass if she doesn't like it. She made her bed, now she's got to sleep in it. I could care less if BM thinks I'm in her way and I've told her before how I feel with regard to her role and mine. SS even calls me mom and BM by her first name... *without* any help from me.


futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 4:56 AM

Why is there an ' between mom the letter s?  Mom's vs moms.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 5:21 AM


Quoting Sekirei:

I had a step mother.. i hated her

I hope that my son is never in the position that My husband and I were as children. If we were to divorce, it is agreed that we would not date until the kiddo is at least 16 or 17.

That is awesome, I wish more people had this mindset.

PaganKitty67
by Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:59 AM

We had this problem for a bit. She would try to make the plans and always be the one who talked to me about visitations. I stopped it, saying I will not discuss anything with her only my ex, she is just his gf too. She acted like I was trying to keep things from her, her reply was he is going to tell me what you say. Yeah, I don't care, I am not talking about anything that needs to be hidden.


Quoting CSRodriguez:

I think the choice is always there  stay out of it  ,  Let daddy deal with issues pertaining to his children  , if you get custody or what ever because maybe bio mom is  having issue ,  You need to  not trash talk her,    YOu also need to let the guy talk about his kids with the mom  with out the jelous bullshit   It is bussines they have kids .

If they are talking about things other than thier kids then there relationship was not finishe to begin with ,

I am talking basic respect   

 

If you get in a relationship with a man with kids you gotta be ready for the  thorns in the bed of roses    Is all I am saying


Quoting nbr1sahm:


Quoting CSRodriguez:

I will be honest  I think a man that trash talks the  mom of his kids is a peice of shit , and a woman who wants a guy like that is  and idiot .

If you get in the way of a bio mom  and her kid   I have no sympathy



What if you don't have a choice but to 'get in the way', as you say?




maddamredchop
by New Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 3:12 AM

I have been a step mom for 5 years.  They are with us a week and with their bio mom a week.  When their dad and I got married the kids wanted to call me 'mom'.  I told them that their mom was still their mom but I was step-mom and they could come up with another name if they wanted so they came up with "Jenny Momma".  This, of course, did not please their mother but in my mind I knew that she'd be even madder if she knew they wanted to call me mom so i tried to take the heat and let her bad talk me and eventually she got over it.  She has NEVER taken them to the dentist, eye doctor, allergist, therapist, or a hair cut so I stepped up and started taking them to all of their appointments.  I used to tell her about the appointments but after she never showed up to ANY of them I just stopped asking her to go.  She hasn't ever asked about appointments or seem to care about any of them, even though one of the children is special needs.  I teach special ed so I make sure that my step child is treated fairly and she gets every service she qualifies for, on the other hand... her mom hasn't even gone to all of her IEPs.  The ones that she does go to she makes a point to be the loudest one so all of the attention is on her.  In a meeting a couple years ago there is a part that asks the parents where they see their child after high school.  She laughed and said, "I don't think about her future, I'm just trying to get through right now."  My husband and I do nothing but try to prepare them for adulthood, isn't that what parents should do?  She hasn't had a huge roll in her children's lives from my perspective; missing programs at school, leaving them with a baby sitter every weekend so she can go party, and many others.  She lives with her parents and has them watch the kids most of the time.  The kids tell us that she never cooks and she's always out with friends partying.  Their teachers ask me questions regarding her and I respond with the truth, I'm not going to lie to anybody.  I had to be the one to buy my daughters first bra and have the period talk with her because she's already starting to have signs of IT about to start.  I text her mother before about it and she refuses to talk to me. Every time we drop the kids off with her I text her the schedule of their appointments for the week (M-Occupational Therapy 3:30, Gymnastics 5:30, T- Allergy shots 3:30, W- Tutoring 4:00, R- Football practice 5:00, Sa- game at 10:00, have a great week, let me know if I can help get the kids to their appointments).  Every week is very similar and she just ignores me.  But I have to tell her what time to take the kids to places or she won't... well, she sometimes will no-show the appointments anyways.  If she has questions she will call my husband, which is fine because he and I work together pretty well.  I make all of their appointments and my husband and I sign them up for sports, pay for it as well as school supplies, backpacks, coats, shoes, clothing, etc to wear over to their mom's house.  Also, I don't know when a good time for a child to start shaving their legs but I sure did teach my 12 year old how last night, she has been asking me and telling me that the kids her age already do it and she gets made fun of.  Which, they do, I asked other mom's because they all think I'm her mom.  I'm sure the Bio Mom will throw a fit, but I didn't know what to do since she doesn't do those things any ways.  So, I took the side of my 12 year old and not her mothers because it seemed like the right thing to do.  She's a child with special needs and I feel that she need to (hopefully) master the shaving thing before Jr High next year.  The State Family Service Dept has been involved trying to help out with her and I think they helped a little, they don't share a bed anymore and wear clean underwear every day now.  But she takes showers with them.... AT THE SAME TIME.... all of them together!  She is 33, daughter is 12 and son is 8.  My son tells me how uncomfortable it makes him feel but he's afraid to talk to her about it because he thinks she'll get mad.  I've tried having him try to remember to take showers before his mom tells him to and try to surprise her but he is 8 and trying to remember to shower is very difficult at that age.  I made sure that he is the only one cleaning himself and about his sister too but I feel, with every bone in my body, that is just straight up WRONG.  State Services won't do anything about it because they are not in 'grave danger'.  If my husband and I were to try to talk to her, she'd only do it more and try everything she could to make it worse.  I don't know what to do with any of these situations and I really feel that step-parents are a 'step' in when their bio parents are not there.  That is all I am trying to do, I do not ever tell them that I am their Mom or bad talk her to them.  I stretch the truth when they ask me questions about her that I know would hurt them but I don't feel like lying to them would make it any better... if anyone has any pointers on dealing with her to help the kids please feel free to respond.  The kids are my #1 priority and I really wish that we could communicate better so they won't feel so pulled between the two of us.  I could still go on and on about my situation but I think you all get the point.

Zoiksandaway
by Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 3:17 AM
Hate to be the grammar Nazi but an apostophe denotes ownership.
Do you know this?
You could use "stepmom's" in a sentence like this:
"His stepmom's purse was in the car."

Edited for grammar. I kill myself!
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